Cricket Tragics

HHCC vs Old Salopians

2011-09-06T05:09:00.000-07:00

Match cancelled as Old Salopians (whoevever they are) couldn't raise a team.

HHCC vs Bank of England

2011-08-30T06:53:00.000-07:00

Haha oh dear. What a hilarious match. Never, I don't think, have I seen Hyde Heath – the mighty, noble Heath – collapse in quite such dismal fashion as we did against Bank of England this Sunday. Never though, it must be said, have I seen the Heath fielding such a weakened team – with both the batting and the bowling looking extremely thin, and, indeed, the fielding. But we can come to that later....

Will Cousins defends

First, the main event: 43 all out. Truly dismal. The rot started with a potentially dubious LBW decision against Dom, who had made 13. Henry then played down the wrong line (or received a vicious off-cutter, depending on who you ask) to get bowled. Spencer was also then bowled, missing a swipe at a low full toss, resulting in the tantalising prospect of the two Cousins – Richard and Will – batting together. Despite some stout defence however it was not to last long, and then we really fell in a heap. Matt clipped to mid-wicket, Jez was caught behind first ball and Liam was bowled, also first ball. I strode out as last man (at number 10) needing to survive the hat-trick ball in order to give Fergus (borrowed from the oppo to give us at least a semblance of a cricket XI) the chance of facing a delivery. Sadly it was not to be, as the ball pitched on a length, shot along the ground and I too registered the dreaded golden duck.

My horrible technique

Earlier, stand-in skipper Matt had won the toss and elected to bowl on a pitch that looked like it would offer a bit to the seamer. We needed to take advantage of the new ball, but Jez failed to locate his usual probing line and length, Spence dropped too short too often, and before we knew it, the Bank had 50 on the board without loss. Matt then turned to Dom and I and we exerted a modicum of control, as well as picking up the occasional wicket. I bowled reasonably – and it was good to get a nice long spell – but neither Dom nor I ever threatened to really run through the opposition. Although perhaps things might have been different were it not for our fielding: specifically, Jez dropping not one but two of the all-time dollies (both of them probably as bad as Capper's spill the week before). Cue strop.

Is that a full toss? Probably...

In the end I took four wickets and Jez returned to bowl full and straight and mop up a tail-end in pursuit of quick runs. The Bank finished on 180, a total which turned out to be well, well beyond us.

On the plus side, Sunday saw the first time Hyde Heath had served up a hot tea – a delicious chilli con carne made by Janet – which is definitely something we could look to add to our repertoire, particularly as the cold and grey of September closes in.

The other positive was that at least it was the Bank of England against whom we collapsed in a heap. They're always a splendid bunch and there's certainly something rather nice about getting to the pub before 6 in the knowledge that the next day is a bank holiday. Good old booze – the universal healer.

The Bank dressed as Australians. Note the presence of 'The Don'

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

2011-08-25T06:07:00.000-07:00

A scintillating return to form for yours truly this weekend, as I managed to bowl no less than six overs for less (just) than a run a ball. I didn't take a wicket, and in the context of the match that was actually really quite expensive, but hey ho. At least I managed to land a few, and two even turned quite sharply.

The game was away against Ivinghoe and Pitstone, the scene two years ago of Nicko's brilliant unbeaten 90 in a losing cause, and as it's their ground, it means their rules – ie limited overs. Urgh. We lost the toss and were put in, and after Dom was caught behind by their juggling keeper, Shrimpy and Henry put on a monster 2nd wicket stand of 149. It was by no means plain sailing though, on a very green pitch, that not only offered plenty to seamer and spinner alike, but was also slow and therefore attacking shots were hard to time (or at least, that's what it looked like).

After seeing off some accurate and threatening bowlers, both batsman grew in confidence and flourished against some average change bowling. Shrimpy battled away for an unbeaten 74, whilst Capper made an excellent 86, during which both batsmen had to work (and run) hard for their runs, due to both the size of the ground and some clever fielding set by the oppo. Although quite why they insisted on trying to block Capper's non-existent square cut I'm not so sure. Towards the end of our allocated overs, Harry McHugh came in and belted a couple of big sixes in his run-a-ball 32 and we closed on a highly creditable 216 for 2.

At this point, a quick word on ringers. After a fearful rant a few weeks ago about the use of a semi-professional cricketer by Chesham 'whipping' Bois, I should mention the use by Ivinghoe of a ringer of their own. This time, however, it was less of an onfield scandal as an off-field revelation. Clearly threatened by the strength of the Hyde Heath tea, I&P brought in their heavy artillery in the form of a crack tea-making unit. Coronation chicken sandwiches, egg and cress (clearly home-made), scones laden with jam and clotted cream, sausage rolls, strawberries: truly, this is what cricket is all about. And on behalf of the Heath, I urge the use of such ringers by certain other clubs we play against, mentioning no names of course...

Anyway, back to the field (a stone or two heavier). The Heath were very light on bowling, something which can be badly exposed during limited overs cricket. Fortunately, we were saved by three key figures: the first was Jez, our only full-time 'pace' bowler, who took two wickets in his opening over to put the pressure firmly onto the oppo. The second was Ben, who getting movement both ways, and hitting a niggardly length, proved practically impossible to score off, and bowled all his eight overs off the reel for only ten runs, with the one wicket too. (It would have been more had Capper not dropped one of the all-time great howlers).

And the third was Charlie, who deftly juggled his bowlers (I was first change!) and set some well-balanced fields in order to prevent Ivinghoe from ever really settling. Apart from their tall 'keeper, Daniel (I think) who made 70, nobody else was able to get going, especially as Spencer destroyed their middle order with three wickets, including two in two balls. A bit like Stuart Broad, he stopped with the long-hops, located a fuller length, and reaped the rewards.

From there, the match rather petered out – as is the way with limited overs when one team has no chance of winning. The last ten overs saw both teams rather going through the motions and it all became a bit dull (despite Tim Barnsley and Dom Haddock both taking a well-earned wicket) and we all left thanking the Lord that we play proper time-based cricket every Sunday.

Kent vs Surrey, Canterbury

2011-08-16T02:45:00.000-07:00

As England began the four days of cricket that would see them pound India into the ground and in the process overtake them as officially the best Test side in the world, I was not at Edgbaston with them. Nor was I at my desk, with the cricket on one screen (praise be to Sky Player) and some token 'work' on the other. No. Instead, I spent the day down in Canterbury with Matt Sims and his cronies from Pett's Wood and elsewhere, watching some turgid second division cricket in the form of Kent against Surrey.

Things started attractively enough as Kent, who won the toss and elected to bat, fairly raced to 80 off 19 overs, courtesy of attractive innings from England hopeful Joe Denly and rotund England once-was Rob Key (whose double century at Lord's I'm proud to say I witnessed first-hand way back in 2004). But from there progress ground to a halt as a succession of Kent batsmen scratched around and then got out as soon as they got into double figures.

When their sorry innings was over, it was Surrey's turn to get off to a flier – closing on 50 without loss after 12 overs, mainly thanks to the aggressive skipper, Rory Hamilton-Brown.

From following the match on Cricinfo, I see that Surrey collapsed in even grimmer fashion than Kent (to the innocuous medium pace of Darren Stevens of all people – any relation, Jez?), Kent set a stiff target of 370 on the back of what must have been a brilliant innings for Rob Key (after his unbeaten hundred, the next highest score in the whole match was 49) and Surrey folded to Stevens again (and James Tredwell, rather hilariously).

Now, you might think that such a day's play would have confirmed all the sterotypes about county cricket being boring and internationals being where it's at etc. Well kind of, but also it did the opposite. I've spent three days at the two Lord's tests this season (and I'm off to the Oval this Thursday) but to be honest, this was by far the most enjoyable occasion. Lord's I love, but only when you do it right – in the Tavern stand with the members and friends, gently pickling yourself in delicious wines, then snoozing off in the afternoon session, before being rudely awaken by people applauding something happening in the cricket. It's so inconsiderate...

But Lord's isn't always so perfect – one day we were over in the Compton Stand, and the view from under the ugly concrete platforms really is an unpleasant one. That and of course half the people at Lord's are dreadful, and there's so bloody many of them queuing and queing to drink themselves senseless. Even when we were in the Tavern, we arrived at 9.30am ( full hour and a half before play) and still couldn't get five seats together – such was the eagerness of the MCC members, or more aptly, such were the numbers of seats block-booked for corporate jollies.

Canterbury on the other hand is a little saggy round the edges, slightly dilapidated – particularly in the brilliant Frank Woolley Stand (not Frank Worrell as I had mistakenly enquired of a bemused looking steward) – and decidedly parochial. But therein lies its (and indeed cricket's) charm. Here, during Canterbury Cricket Week time, are dedicated cricket lovers (as opposed to blazered bankers), happy families, kids (and us) playing cricket on the outfield, bacon baps (for which one doesn't have to queue), and kegs of delicious real ale for £2.90 a pint – the highlight being Harvey's delightful Olympia golden ale, brewed a few miles away in Lewes, East Sussex. It really is a wonderful atmosphere here – one that revolves around the cricket, but doesn't totally rely upon it. What a joy.

HHCC vs Gamecox

2011-08-16T01:39:00.000-07:00

An Ex-Chairman writes...

Michael Simkins in his book on village cricket, The Last Flannelled Fool (available from Telegraph Books - any chance of a free copy?) asserted that the game of cricket’s soul abides on our village greens. However, maybe not in the middle of August when our captain is arranging the composition of the side from Croatia, the best batsman is away, camping (enough said), the purveyor of spin and insight is unavailable (also camping [against his will – Ed.]) and everyone else seems to be away with Mummy, Daddy and Ryan Air.

For the first time for a long while, the Heath were a bit short not just from Stanley Burgham making his debut (and a very good one, too), but because of a few late drop-outs. In all honesty, most of the players are very good at phoning an apology, but it must be said there is nothing more frustrating than expecting someone who doesn’t appear and keeps his phone switched off. Anyway, 7 originals plus the aforementioned Stanley, the captain’s brother-in-law and the ex-chairman who only came to report the demise of the mower, made up to a creditable 10. Ben Sonley kindly stood around as eleventh man, didn’t bat, had his tea and left for his radio show at 5.00!

Peter Cox won the toss and inserted the Heath, never a good thing for us. Mike, the groundsman, came back early from his holiday to present a very good pitch and we were off. Shrimpy and Dom looked very good, hitting several boundaries until Shrimpy was out to a “pearler” even Anderson would have been proud of, and Dom followed soon after. To the wicket strode Nick, father of Stanley, and murderer of short bowling. Firstly Liam and then Spencer gave him support as he laid in to their bowling. Liam, one short of his best score, and Spencer with a solid 20, led to the ex-chairman battling to survive up one end, while Nick treated the same bowling with disdain. Maybe by fate, a severe calf injury left him anchored to the crease with a runner but just as brutal. 89 runs with 3 sixes was a great return. Next in was Jeremy who again made the bowling look easy and scored a fine 50. Up the other end, the bowling seemed much more difficult, although 27 not out, gives the senior Capper a better average than junior but slightly less runs (609 less)!

236 for 5 off 37 overs was a good score but the tea was even better. Excellent sandwiches, dreamy chocolate, ginger and fairy cakes, melon, strawberries and sausages, hopefully, would dull the Gamecox’s batting. Thank you ladies.

Down to 9 fielders, young Josh agreed to help us out and later took a stunning catch at mid-wicket. After a fast start from the opposition, Jeremy bowled really well and accurately as did Richard Austin, our captain for the day.

Richard then rang the changes with Liam, David and Spencer all bowling creditably. Gradually the score crept up with a good second wicket partnership and with 6 an over needed off the last 17 overs it could have been a close game. However an excellent catch by Liam and some great bowling by Jeremy (4 for 48), Richard (2 for 40) and Shrimpy, slowed things down and at the end Gamecox were struggling. 209 for 7 and a tense final over saw the game to a close. Actually, after the struggle for players at the start, there was some very good cricket. The fielding was very good indeed with Shrimpy, Spencer, Liam, Dom, Josh and Stanley the main men.

Simkins says “Faith is what’s required in village cricket, faith that the sun will come out, faith that the opposition will turn up (or all of the agreed players for our side), faith that their best batsman will nick an edge (and walk!) and faith that the game won’t disappoint.” This game was, actually, of a high standard, in spite of being a tricky time of year and Josh, Stanley and Ben should be congratulated for making a game out of what could have been a disappointing day.

Longwick vs HHCC

2011-08-11T03:49:00.000-07:00

An account in bullet points, courtesy of Richard Austin:

1. Charlie won toss. With light drizzle threatening we agreed a 35 over game and fielded first.

2. Jez and Shrimpy bowled a tight first 6 overs on a difficult wet bouncy track. In Jez's last over Tim B dropped a sitter at first slip. Jez was then immediately taken off (to save his remaining overs for later) but he wasn't best pleased!.

3. The sun came out as Ben and I then came on and kept things fairly tight. Longwick were 76 for 3 after 20 overs (my figures were 7-3-10-3). Henry (cymbals) Capper having taken a sitter off me and having dropped a couple more off both Ben and I; something he admitted he has been doing a lot of lately.

4. Nick and Fiddy came on to bowl as the Longwick middle order started to try to up the ante. Nick took one wicket (unlucky not to get more), Fiddy bowled a horrible long-hop first ball which resulted in a brilliant over-the-shoulder running catch from Harry McHugh (Luke's mate), after which he settled down and bowled much better.

5. With the weather now sunny, Jez and Shrimpy returned to finish their alloted overs. Jez bowled well without much luck although he got an LBW with last ball of innings to finish on 7-1-22-1, with half the runs against him being wides! Shrimpy unfortunately lost the rythmn he'd had in his earlier spell and finished with 7 overs for 38.

6. Longwick ended on 144 for 6 off 35 overs – a testing target but one we were confident of getting, however when we emerged from the depths of the Longwick Village Hall after tea we were greeted with torrential rain – cue abandonment of match and general sense of anti-climax, although I sensed that our openers didn't much fancy going out on a wet-again track (Henry's comment of “That pitch will be an average-killer” might have been a clue!).

7. After standing in the rain outside The Red Lion of Longwick waiting in vain for the pub to open (this was at about 5.15pm and the pub normally doesn't open until 7, but their skipper had phoned up the landlord and asked him to open early apparently), 'bugger this' was the collective sentiment and we repaired to The Plough for much needed refreshment.

Bourne End vs HHCC

2011-08-09T03:55:00.000-07:00

Traditionally, the Bourne End fixture is one of the hardest of the year. It's miles away, it's not the most attractive ground in the world, the oppo are usually pretty strong, and – significantly – it's right after tour and everyone is usually exhausted.

But with tour cancelled this year (nothing to do with the London riots I hasten to add – although if the Oval test match gets cancelled I'll be frickin' livid...) it was a chance to show what we at Hyde Heath are made of.

It was also a chance for me to practice what I preach. After a season that's so far featured more opinions from yours truly than wickets (and indeed runs) I had a chance to lead the side in the manner I've espoused on Tragics (thanks to Henry's last minute decision to hand over the baton of authority).

Unsurprisingly I largely failed in my bid to ensure that everyone got a game, as Spence, Liam, Tim Barnsley and myself didn't bat or bowl, whilst even Shrimpie only bowled the solitary over. In part this was clearly my fault as captain, but it was also in part due to some unexpectedly cavalier batting from the Bourne End top order, and some impressively resolute batting from our own.

Bourne End won the toss and strangely elected to bat on a spicy wicket. They came out, as they often do, with all guns blazing, but thanks to some excellent bowling from both Jez and Brad (and some shrewd captaincy I hasten to add...) we swiftly scythed through their line-up. What was so pleasing was the way in which both bowlers hit consistent lines and lengths, meaning that captaincy decisions could focus on how to get the batsman out, rather than how to stop the boundary off the rank ball. This is the fun part of captaincy – working with the bowlers, analysing weaknesses in the batsmen and manoeuvring the troops as appropriate.

And clearly it worked. Jez bowled splendidly – full, with a bit of movement in the air and some bounce of the pitch to finish with 4 wickets, whilst Brad also bowled with some fire to unsettle a couple of their batsmen. He took two, despite a couple of drops off his bowling by Dom (although one of them was pretty bloody tough). With the oppo's top order in tatters it would have been a good time to turn to those who don't get much of a bowl, but with Azhar still in and looking strong (after being dropped by Capper, standing up to Jez) I was reluctant to risk having to chase too many runs – particularly on such a tough pitch.

Then, just as Azhar was removed and I was preparing to loose the second string (by which I mean me) the lower order collapsed in a heap to some impressive bowling from Luke (and a run out) and Bourne End were all out for under 100.

Ordinarily this would have been a cake walk, but the pitch was a tricksy one, and Bourne End had a potent new bowler called Saj. We lost Capper early, yorked by Saj, and it was left to Dom and Luke's mate Harry (batting at 3 after Shrimpy very kindly said he could take his place) to see off the threat. Dom, modelling a new, more upright technique (for which Johnny Capper claimed much credit) looked far more secure than usual, and played the situation extremely well – leaving what he could, blocking the dangerous deliveries and then whenever the bad ball came lashing it to the boundary with customary force.

At the other end Harry took his cue from Dom. After receiving an absolute cracker first ball – that jagged back through his defences and went over the top of off stump – he displayed solid defensive technique and temperament. It was like Trott and Cook out there! Until the lesser bowlers came on and Dom thrashed them all round the park to cruise over the finish line and secure victory by 9 wickets.

A satisfying victory then, in terms of the cricket played, but a less good one for acting upon one's theories. Oh well...

Breaking News...

2011-07-27T02:56:00.000-07:00

A copy of CLR James' Beyond a Voundary has just arrived from Amazon. Frick, I'm excited. Apparently it's "the greatest sports book ever written" and I've been meaning to read it for years.

In other news, some thoughts on the Lord's Test will be coming soon.

Plus, the trials and tribulations of supporting Middlesex, by a brand new Tragics contributor.

Don't say we don't spoil you...

Cublington vs HHCC

2011-07-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

A glorious day at a glorious ground saw Hyde Heath administer something of a thrashing to an opposition side that never really got going. After Charlie won the toss, we elected to field (as ever) and got off to the best possible start, courtesy of a probing and incisive spell from Jez, who finished up with four wickets to shatter the oppo's top order. Two wickets in his opening over set the tone of the day – one rankly scythed to Charlie at mid-off and one full and straight and missed completely – and, from there, Cublington never recovered.

Of the other bowlers, Brad was a touch unlucky and Luke hostile but perhaps bowling a little too short to take wickets, whilst in the field we also did our best to "make a game of it" with Henry dropping at least three catches of various degrees of difficulties behind the stumps.

At least Charlie made up for it, taking a second catch - this time back-pedaling smartly from a deepish mid-off. That gave Richie one of his four wickets, garnered through a combination of off-breaks and well-disguised arm balls. Your correspondent was once again relegated to third spinner and, sadly for those wishing to make even more of a game of it, didn't even get a bowl on a pitch offering occasionally extravagant turn.

Oh well, Cublington were dismissed for 129 and I got a chance to bat at number 4, albeit with only 20 or so runs needed, after a solid 20-odd from Matt and an increasingly assertive innings from Capper, who finished unbeaten on 80. Naturally I was out for 2 playing over a straight one. What a season 2011 is turning out to be.

On the plus side, check out Cublington's Five Year Strategy. Hilarious. I hope this never happens to Hyde Heath.

Also reminds me of this little gem.

A truly tragic week ahead...

2011-07-21T01:45:00.001-07:00

So the first test against India starts today at Lord's, weather permitting, and we at Cricket Tragics are pretty bloody excited.

Not only is this a series (of a decent length) between England and the world's number 1 side, but it also features some great players: VVS, The Wall, Sachin, Viru (if he recovers from injury) and, for England, err Graeme Swann. And we reckon this could be a big one for Ian Bell. Although we have been saying that for years. We just like watching him bat.

Our reporters will be at the Home of Cricket on Friday and Saturday reporting assiduously, so fingers crossed on the weather front. Otherwise it'll just be two days of boozing.

Oh, and if all this wasn't exciting enough, we're also off to hear a talk from none other than former England Captain, curmudgeonly leader of men he didn't like much, atrocious handler of the media turned incisive media pundit, gambler, dodger of bouncers despite a bad back, and all-round bloody hero - yes it's none other than Michael 'Iron Mike' Atherton, talking about something or other (cricket, we assume) at the LSE on Wednesday night.

Here's some little treats for Atherton fans, because it's not just about how many you get, it's how classy you look whilst getting out...

Fire in Babylon

2011-07-18T02:14:00.000-07:00

For cricket fans, the release of Fire in Babylon was probably the most exciting piece of cinema news in the past decade or so. Finally, a film about cricket. Sure, there have been others in recent years – Lagaan is meant to be quite good, Out of the Ashes (that one about the Afghanistan team) is apparently excellent, and there’s always the hilarious sounding slasher/village cricket movie I Know How Many Runs You Scored Last Summer – but Fire in Babylon promised something else entirely.

Most cricket films – and indeed cricket books – fall into two main categories: those for cricket obsessives that nobody else could possibly be interested in; and those that aren’t really about cricket at all, but instead use cricket to discuss something else. These tend to appeal to the broader audience but suffer from the problem of not showing enough cricket. Fire in Babylon, however, does both.

For the non-cricket fan it tells of the fascinating and at times genuinely disturbing fight for equal rights that has been one of the defining racial issues of the twentieth century. Some of the footage is truly shocking, both in terms of the violence it contains, and in terms of how recently much of this took place. Frankly, it’s appalling to think how recently racism was still not only acceptable but institutionally approved: apartheid in South Africa only ended in 1994. For context, that’s the year Brian Lara scored 501 against Durham and the year Stephen Fleming made his Test debut. I was 9 at the time. It’s that recent.

What Fire in Babylon does so well is to depict the emergence of the world-conquering West Indies team of the 1970s and ‘80s through the eyes of those that were there. There’s very little narration; instead it’s left to the likes of Michael Holding, Viv Richards, Clive Lloyd, Colin Croft, Andy Roberts and Gordon Greenidge to tell their stories. All are insightful speakers, and the sense of destiny and of being driven on by something far bigger than cricket is genuinely fascinating, if in places it drifts towards cod-spiritual nonsense. The presence of various Rastafarian pseudo-philosophers and contemporary musicians is entertaining, but in places rather clutters the narrative.

One of the other downsides of this 1st person approach is that you only get one side of the story. It would have been good to hear more from the batsmen who had to face these four-pronged pace attacks, and it certainly would have been interesting to hear what Tony Greig has to say about his infamous ‘grovel’ comments all these years later.

This, however, is more than made up for by what Fire in Babylon offers to the cricket fan: cricket. Lots and lots of cricket – cricket at its most brutal and gladiatorial, its most violent, dangerous, confrontational and terrifying. None of which are words one usually associates with the sport. There’s great footage of batsman getting hit, of Viv Richards nearly decapitating an umpire, and of Holding’s silky smooth run up. Much of it is footage I’ve never seen before – and as a cricket DVD obsessive, that’s something rare.

Whilst I love cricket primarily for its nuances – the trickery of the leg-spinner, the delicate late cut, the inspired captaincy decision – there’s no question that, as depicted in Fire in Babylon, cricket is also a thrilling spectacle. Or rather, it was. I always despise those washed up has-beens who lament the birth of the helmet as the death of cricket (what kind of idiot would think that?) but something has certainly been lost from the game now that batting is such a safe and comparatively simple task. Gone is the concept of batting as grim survival. And consequently gone too is the sense of the batsman as brave, embattled hero: from Brian Close to Mike Atherton. Partly because of the pitches, partly because of the workload, and partly, probably, just down to luck, no batsman these days has such challenges to overcome.

Fire in Babylon may be a flawed film – one that’s at times unwilling to take a step back, analyse, and examine complexity or contradiction – but it is a brilliant one. Funny, genuinely exciting, brutal, shocking, and enlightening: a triumph.

HHCC vs Full Tossers

2011-07-18T01:13:00.001-07:00

Rained off. On the plus side, it finally gave me the chance to watch the hotly anticipated new cricket film, Fire in Babylon. It's bloody good I can tell you - full review coming soon...

The Chesham Bois scandal - some updates

2011-07-13T09:21:00.001-07:00

So it turns out that Chesham Bois' ringer was a certain Scott Myers, who at the age of 22 has already played for Essex 2nd XI and is therefore rather good. Here's his Cricinfo profile. Further stats are available on the Essex Cricket Archive.

Chesham Bois' own website jokes, "did he edge the ball or did he not? Who knows!" before going on to conclude, "Only our second win of the season, but very satisfying to win so well." "Very satisfying huh?" Somehow I doubt it...

Nonetheless, after re-reading Monday’s polemic on the correct spirit in which to play village cricket, and after lengthy discussion with various cricketing luminaries, I’ve had some further thoughts on the subject.

1. Perhaps we had it coming.
In 2009 Hyde Heath played 22 and lost only twice. In 2010 Hyde Heath played 20 and lost only 5 times (twice on tour), with a record number of 14 victories for the season. The last two times we’ve played Chesham Bois at Chesham Bois, we’ve won by 10 wickets. Perhaps it was only a matter of time before a team got tired of being steamrollered by Hyde Heath.

2. Fielding a weakened team?
In the previous piece I mentioned how at village level captains often negotiate prior to a match about the relative strengths of their teams in order to try to ensure a balanced contest. Perhaps we ought to field a weakened team against opposition who we know to be consistently inferior. Perhaps we could do things like reverse the batting order when we’re only chasing a hundred or so. That would not only make the game closer, but also give valuable experience to the middle and lower orders, and perhaps help to prevent the collapses we see so often.

This of course is easier said than done: it's all very well to say what a captain ought to do or ought not to do, but the balance is bloody hard to achieve. How many matches have we lost after trying to 'make a game of it', thereby taking our foot off the accelerator and then being unable to regain the upper hand?

3. We could have taken it in better grace
It’s all very well to take the moral high ground when a batsman doesn’t walk, but the best way to do so is to continue to play the game in the manner that we advocate – namely, hard but fair, and with a smile and a laugh. Descending into a strop for the rest of the match perhaps doesn’t reflect that well upon us.

------

None of this is to say that we shouldn’t try to win every game – Monday’s piece explains why if you’re not trying to win, the game quickly becomes pretty pointless. Just that at village level winning isn’t everything: in the same way that a batsman not walking can ruin the day for everyone, so can a very good team consistently thrashing a pretty poor one quickly become tedious.

Basically, what all this shows is that cricket is awesome - by far the most intricate, involving and consistently intriguing sport there is - and that village cricket is perhaps its greatest incarnation.

Chesham Bois vs HHCC

2011-07-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

What is the point in village cricket? One might just as well ask what the point is of sport more generally, but village cricket – free from such influences as money – is arguably sport in its purest form. By pure however I don't mean necessarily honest or fair or friendly or 'pure' in that rose-tinted Neville Cardus image of cricket that was always already a myth. I mean 'pure' in the sense of exemplary. People play village cricket for a variety of reasons: as an escape from the children, as an excuse to start drinking at midday, as a way of making friends, getting some exercise, or simply having fun. But almost everyone, at least for the duration of the match, wants to win. That is the point in sport – the assumption when you agree to take part in a game is that you will play by the rules, and that you will try to win. Otherwise there's no point at all.

But there's also the spirit in which a game is played – you play to win, but you play not only within the rules, but also according to that nebulous chimera known as the Spirit of Cricket. The Spirit of Cricket has many grey areas. It's acceptable, for example, to appeal for an LBW even if you kind of know there was an inside edge, but to claim a catch you know not to have carried is intolerable. But the basics are that you want to havea drink with the opposition afterwards and a laugh, and you want them to play you again next season.

And this is where two issues come in: walking, and ringers. In professional cricket you don't walk (unless you're Adam Gilchrist and he only did it when it suited him); but in village cricket you always walk. It's as simple as that, and for two very good reasons: 1. The umpire is not a professional – he's probably a member of your team, maybe your dad, maybe a twelve year-old who doesn't really know the rules, maybe a 90 year-old who can't remember them – and it's unfair to put the pressure fo the decision onto such shoulders. And 2. Because it's village cricket. Nobody's livelihood is at stake. The spirit is as important as the rules, and certainly more important than winning.

And so to the issue of ringers. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with village teams enlisting the help of players who are very good, particularly in the case of Chesham Bois who routinely get hammered by us and therefore quite understandably sought to bolster their usually fairly ordinary XI. Ringers have been used since time immemorial – even HHCC have been known to field the odd one – so it's not that they are a problem in themselves, but rather that they pose two potential problems. 1. is if they are so good that the match simply becomes a joke. Yes, we play to win, but what enjoyment can be taken from a ten man team who contribute next to nothing to their victory? The ideal village cricket match is evenly contested – that is why village captains will often speak to each other to negotiate the relative strtengths of their own XIs: everyone wants a close match.

Problem number 2 is that ringers often play in a very different spirit from the one associated with village cricket – however complex and indefinable that spirit may be. It's therefore the responsibility of the village club to ensure that their ringer plays in the right spirit, something which Chesham Bois singularly failed to do this weekend.

You may by now be aware that Hyde Heath were not particularly enamoured with the oppo this weekend. During their chase, Chesham Bois' opener – who plays Grade cricket in Australia apparently and is currently training with Michael Carberry – was clearly caught behind trying to cut James Shrimpton early in his innings. The umpire wasn't sure and the batsman – guilt etched across his face – refused to walk. It did not go down well. And was made worse by the fact that he proceeded to destroy our bowling en route to a brutal 130-odd, before he was caught on the boundary of Ben Sonley – who bowled extremely well. There was even something of Bob Willis' Headingly '81 heroics in his glassy stare between deliveries.

Earlier, we'd compiled what we thought was a respectable 239 on a pitch with tennis ball bounce, thanks to a painstaking and gutsy 70 from Henry Capper and some seriously impressive lower order fireworks from Nick the Kiwi, Andy Williamson and Bradley Holt.

But it was all to no avail, as the oppo's ringer demonstrated both his class and his infuriating lack of class.

No News is good news?

2011-07-08T06:12:00.000-07:00

Fear thee not! We haven't gone the way of the News of the World. Yet. Rest assured, not one but two independent inquiries are being set up to investigate the lethargy of Cricket Tragics in recent weeks. Some say it's something to do with a leaked pot of tea; others cite a series of controversial LBW decisions, influenced by local politicians. We're not so sure.

But be certain, the truth will out. Rumour has it the corruption reaches right to the top...

HHCC vs Ballinger

2011-07-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

An ex-Chairman writes...

Ballinger is always a challenge and engenders a fair degree of rivalry. The Heath have been on the winning side for the last few years but Ballinger have more resources to call on and had a strong team. Hyde Heath didn’t have the strongest fielding side either with a positive rush to field at slip for the first over, bowled by us fielding first again. Despite some good bowling their opener, Humphreys, made 81 perhaps with a bit of luck here and there, while the rest of the side made enough runs to reach a total 205 for 8 - increased by a crucial 10 off the last over before tea which seemed to be infringing on overtime!! Perhaps we need a bigger clock! The score was inflated by the fastest outfield we’ve had for some years so it was “gettable”.

An excellent tea as ever from Mrs Cousins and Mrs Barnsley received with thanks by 22 players and 2 dogs.

Our innings started brightly on a tricky pitch with Henry and Dominic putting on 50 before Dominic gave some catching practice. Henry and James looked very composed, with Henry hitting some glorious straight drives. James was a trifle unlucky to be out LBW but Henry kept on going, reaching 81.

Cue a collapse against some fairly ordinary leg-spin bowling. Does it remind you of anything? In spite of suggestions of Warne-like turn (there wasn’t) the next 6 wickets fell for 20 runs, mostly by batsman who should be making appointments at Spec-Savers. From looking like winning, we looked like losing again, until Jeremy and Alastair came together with 9 wickets down. They batted beautifully together and scored 39 runs between them and almost sneaked a win, being exactly 10 runs short! Honour saved. Hyde Heath always enjoy the “third” result and, by 9.00 in the Plough, it was heralded as a definite “Winning Draw”.

One little plea from me about umpiring and it’s not about LBW decisions. I do think it’s very difficult to ask youngsters to officiate and it might be better if they don’t get subjected to pressure from their own or the opposition players, but the decision causing the most irritation is regarding wide balls. It seems youngsters and some older players call a wide for a ball that could be hit “by a normal cricket shot”, presumably because they only watch 20/20 cricket. Bowlers have a rough time as it is and wides irritate! Even worse, it makes retaliation inevitable, “They gave them, therefore I will”. Obviously, be honest in all your decisions but 2 inches outside leg isn’t a wide, even Charlie Samuels can hit those, depending on the definition of “normal”.

Editor's note: Here, here! If people start widing anything down the leg side, my overs will never end!

HHCC vs Phoenix

2011-07-08T06:00:00.000-07:00

Note carefully the craft of the spinner: the ball dips from above the eye-line, luring the batsman into an aggressive stroke...

Oh no... wait, it's 6. Again.

An ex-Chairman writes...

Phoenix cricket club was a fixture from the exchange and not a regular foe. They were very pleasant on and off the field but slightly too good for us on this occasion.

Hyde Heath took the field on a very warm and humid afternoon. Despite having most of the top bowlers playing, Phoenix made us struggle in the field. Jeremy had four maidens in a row after a wayward first few overs, but the pressure lifted with some loose deliveries once the opening pair of Jeremy and Alastair came off. It wasn’t a great day to be fielding and their opener and captain made a century off tiring bowlers. One inspiring moment came when Tom Jeffreys produced a snorter to pin his man, LBW; not a typical wicket for our answer to Ian Salisbury. Let’s hope this is the start of a resurgence of form as one must question where the snarl and grunt of previous seasons has gone?

Phoenix took a very pleasant tea, thank you Mrs Shrimpton and Miss Morgan, with 196 runs for 8 wickets, a score made better by a very slow outfield.

Hyde Heath have an uncanny knack when batting of looking at one minute, unbeatable and, at the next, like rabbits. This was a disaster of a performance. After Dominic was stumped while closer to the bowler than his own crease, Henry and James played some sublime cricket. Both have looked in very good form this season and were taking the score along with ease. Henry, then, missed a straight one and James tried out the catching of the deep field.

Normally, the Heath would have batted with some care and either crept over the winning line or held on for a draw. Unfortunately, there was 20/20 batting at one stage. Andrew seemed to have a hot date waiting and Nick was in a bit of a rush too. Spencer, however, made a patient 10 off 31 balls – the 10 being hit off two balls in the middle! Bradley seemed to be playing French cricket with his second ball chipped back to the bowler after Liam, again, was chasing that hot date.

Normally, “9,10, Jack” in the Hyde Heath team bat with more technique than anyone. However, Tom did have a hot date, although with the good manners to wait around for 18 balls, leaving Jeremy and Alastair to hold out for the draw. This they did for 28 balls until Andrew, umpiring this time, remembered his assignation and we had LOST, for the first time this season!

Phoenix played well and deserved their victory, but it was a bit frustrating as Hyde Heath had looked to be cruising in the early part of the innings and looked well set to save it at the end.

President's Weekend 2011 – addenda, errata, etc

2011-07-08T05:46:00.000-07:00

Charly fields, Mikey bowls

It's been pointed out that various things were missing from the Tragics report of this year's President's Weekend. Given that we almost always seem to miss out the most important aspects of any match, we're unsure why this seems to have come as any sort of surprise. But anyway, in a concession to our many devoted readers across the world, here are some additional observations:

1. Mike Thompson. HHCC's erstwhile groundsman took to the field of play for the Plough on Sunday, and surprised all and sundry with his cricketing prowess. Who knew? Not only did he take three wickets with his well-flighted deliveries, but proved a thorn in the side of the Heath when batting too. Scoring heavily in the V (although not the usual V, it must be said) his obduracy was only ended by a lethal delivery from a certain leg-spinner on the way to his hat-trick.

2. Charly Capper. The first girl to take the field at the hallowed Heath? Quite possibly. Not content with a stint of dynamic fielding that put many of the menfolk to shame, Charly also batted with panache against the canny talents of Hyde Heath's leading leg-spinner.

3. Tom Jeffreys. Took a hat-trick. Did we mention that? Gosh, he bowled well...

President's Weekend 2011

2011-06-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

Shrimpy defends, shortly before I ran him out...

President's Weekend: the glittering jewel in the burnished golden crown that is the Hyde Heath fixture list. The three-day feast of sporting prowess and booze kicks off with the annual beer festival, which by all accounts was another triumph this year – alas I was reviewing some dreadful hotel restaurant at the time – before the serious action commences on the Saturday.

The President's game consists of Hyde Heath's mightiest pitched against an assembled unit of hired mercenaries and rag-tag cricketing talent – in short, the best of the opposition from throughout the year hand-picked by HHCC's all-knowing President. This year saw us up against a particularly strong side, but as so often with the Heath, we somehow found a path to victory. Playing 30 overs a side, Henry and Dom put on a rapid-fire opening partnership, dominated by Capper at his aggressive best. At one point he'd raced to 16 before Dom had even faced a ball. In uncharacteristic fashion Dom played the supporting role, before being dismissed for 35. This precipitate something of a drop in run rate as James Shrimpton, our usual number 3, was absent, and his strokeplay was rather missed. With the runs drying up, and the overs running out, our middle order threw caution to the wind (and their wickets away) in a rather desperate attempt for quick runs. Fortunately Capper's classy 85 secured a total of around 150, a defendable but also a gettable total.

Fortunately some accurate bowling from Jez and some tight fielding prevented the oppo's top order form ever really getting going. And although once Jez had been bowled out the run-rate started to rise (my solitary over went for more than Jez's entire spell) wickets also tumbled, with Larry's mate Will mopping up the lower order. Ali and Airdy were left to achieve the impossible and despite a few lusty blows it never quite materialised and Hyde Heath won fairly comfortably in the end.

Afterwards, rather bizarrely, we all swiftly departed for home in order to change into black tie and return to the pavilion marquee for a right old shindig in celebration of Hyde Heath's 40th or 45th anniversary. Nobody seemed quite sure which. What was clear is that everybody was feeling more than a little ropey for Sunday's now traditional HHCC vs Plough 20/20 grudge match.

I face up bravely to some vicious opening bowling.

For some reason, I was elected pinch-hitter and opened the batting with Shrimpy. We actually got off to a flier until I ran him out (for scoring too quickly I think). Shrimpy had his revenge though as Nick (no doubt operating under instructions) ran me out shortly afterwards. Oh well. Thanks to some lusty hitting throughout we managed a pretty impressive total (of I've totally forgotten what).

The Plough's chase never really seemed to get going. And yet thanks to a rapid half-century from Capper they actually only needed 10 to win off the final two balls. Fortunately for the glory of the club it was not to be and HHCC remain unbeaten this season. The highlight of the weekend for me? An astonishing reaction catch by Nick at very silly mid-on off my bowling. Not only was it one of the best catches I've ever seen – the ball was hit seriously hard and he was fielding pretty darned close – but it was also the third wicket in a hat-trick for yours truly on the way to a long awaited five wicket haul. Just thought I'd throw that little snippet in there - shame it's in a match that doesn't count for the averages. Balls.

HHCC vs Red Square

2011-06-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

An ex-C hairman writes (again)...

NB: The management of Cricket Tragics in no way endorses the denigration of our Editor in Chief's bowling/writing ability (that's his job) nor do we condone the excessive use of exclamation marks in the following report.

This was going to be the first Sunday of the season playing without our leg-spinning all-rounder and usual correspondent Tom. It would be mighty tricky indeed for the mighty Heath to remain unbeaten without their talisman. There was a few suggestions where he could be, ranging from the Hay Literary Festival to “twelfth man” at Lord’s vs. Sri Lanka (probably helping out with Kevin Petersen’s lack of confidence against spinners – a few overs batting against his bowling does seem to cheer people up). The truth, apparently, was a trip to Venice, in the cricket season!!, and possibly for romantic reasons!!! Where is his commitment?

In reality, the mighty Heath appeared remarkably strong in the absence of “our man”. Ali was back to bowl, Bradders returned after missing last week for a family party, Austin had sorted out his child care (by buying a kitten – novel!), Nick from half term and “Senior Pro” Barnsley on day-release.

The Opposition were an unknown quantity, always a worry in case they had 4 nasty fast bowlers. Mishearing the name of the team I thought they were from a pub and, therefore a team of heavy drinkers however a very pleasant and amusing group, complete with strong female support, turned up, based, I believe round a journalistic background. Perhaps a good thing our correspondent stayed at home!

Charlie, back in charge, won the toss and inserted the visitors. Ali bowled very well and accurately, with little luck, while Brad, at the other end was a bit wayward but quick, nonetheless. Jeremy who, unusually, arrived at the ground almost in time for the start, took over and bowled with his usual reliability. 2 wickets for Jeremy and 3 for Ali was a fair return for both of them. After this the batting looked a bit thin and the spinners lined up to finish things off. Shrimpy taking 2 for 9 and Austin grabbing the last 2 wickets at the end of a tidy spell, aided by yet another good catch from Tim Barnsley. 113 all out, in 32 overs was not a high enough score on this pitch which was a belter thanks to Mike Thompson, the grounds-man. Possibly, a few overs from our man in the Gritti Palace Hotel on the Grand Canal might have produced more of a target but there you go!

During the tea interval, courtesy of Mrs Shrimpton and Mrs Haddock (2 choices of melon, chicken tikka wraps, salmon rolls, hot sausages, cheese and pickle sandwiches, 4 different cakes and no tuna in site – heaven and I’m sure I’ve missed something out) who was going to open was a strong topic of debate. Capper and Haddock were the lucky pair and gave a chanceless performance, unbeaten on 114, with Henry on 61 and Dom on 43. An excellent 10 wicket win against a team who were charm personified despite under- achieving on the field.

It’s always difficult when, like Nick Burgham Tim Barnsley and Spencer North, you’ve not bowled or batted and still are expected to pay the match fee. Tim’s catch was a high-light and so, apparently, was Spencer’s. He had to tell me about it in great detail as I was searching for saw-dust at the time. Yes, it drizzled all afternoon but don’t tell Tom.

HHCC vs Ley Hill

2011-06-13T06:04:00.001-07:00

Matt Sims brings the carnage.

It's now over two weeks since Hyde Heath drew their first match of the season, at home against Ley Hill, and with the passing of time has come, inevitably, the fading of memory. Fortunately, Chris' excellent photos on the Hyde Heath website have done a little to prompt my hazy recollections of the match. I think the one of Matt's satisfied admiration of his own scorching cover drive is probably my new favourite cricket image. “Dare thee challenge me, bowler?” it says. “I laugh in the face of your bowling, and dispatch it to the boundary with ferocious elegance, thusly.”

Matt's blistering strokeplay came after a very slow start (I think he took 16 balls to get off the mark), and after our openers had failed, he helped to put on an increasingly confident partnership with Shrimpy, who's in belting form at the moment. While these two were at the crease, the target – about 180 – looked eminently achievable. But as so often, the fall of one wicket led to a clatter, and I ended up having to block out the last couple of overs to secure the draw, some 30-odd runs short.

Earlier, I'd been relegated to third-choice spinner (hardly surprising given recent form) as our severely depleted bowling attack toiled hard against an unthreatening but combative Ley Hill line-up. Jez bowled an extremely long and tidy spell, but only managed the solitary wicket, Shrimpy and Rich both bowled well, but I was again expensive (although I did manage a wicket and, would you believe it, a run-out) and the oppo's total was 30 or so above what it might have been. With more seamers at our disposal (no Brad or Ali today) or a less profligate leg-spinner, perhaps it could have been 5 wins out of 5.

50* - The Art of Captaincy

2011-05-27T07:42:00.000-07:00

An ex-Chairman writes...

“Captain of Cricket”. Those words take me back to a time when I first realised that the world wasn’t always fair. It was at a time when Ted Dexter and Colin Cowdrey were the choice for England, but I wasn’t for my school. Probably not surprising as every previous captain was also elected a prefect and that would have been a risk the school weren’t keen on. So instead, I took the role of elder statesman which allowed me to watch, sit back and criticise, something I’ve rather enjoyed in cricket ever since.

The world wasn’t fair for most would-be Captains in English Test cricket at that time anyway. Gentlemen versus Players, the final “Trial” for selection for your country, pitted the “Gentleman”, in other words amateurs rich enough to play cricket for “Fun”, and therefore potential Captains against the Professionals, the artisans who used different changing rooms and often different gates to reach the pitch and never became “Captains” of County or Country, but were paid. Perhaps the school should have paid me; on second thoughts…

Ever since, I have enjoyed watching and analysing why different people encourage a team to very different effect and who becomes a good or even a great Captain of Cricket.

Surely, you need someone to look up to – an Apollo-like figure, athletic, graceful, charismatic and charming, liked by everyone and envied by many? The sort of man one would follow “over the top” against even the fastest, nastiest bowler. Definitely he couldn’t be a bowler, with their muscles, effort and sweaty caps (have you ever umpired and held one of them? No, the cap...) Also bowlers are never the best judge of when to take a rest. He ought to be a good batsman but not necessarily a great batsman, and preferably not an opener as there’s always “business” to deal with during the break in innings. He has to be a great fielder leading by example; indeed leading from the front in everything.

This is where proper cricket differs from real life. In village cricket this last paragraph isn’t enough. The Captain has to buy the first round in the pub and be there at closing time – have long arms and deep pockets. While there on a Sunday evening he may have to rescue the fixture with the opposition, after the “Senior Pro” turned down a blatant LBW appeal, thereby winning the match for us. He has to have sons (or daughters) to fill 10th and 11th places at short notice on Sunday morning, and their school-friends have to be talented cricketers – even better, a daughter with a keen cricketer for a boyfriend, and a wife to make the teas far more than the others. Cunning as a fox and sneaky as a snake could be other attributes brought to the table. But is this all?

Our present captain wouldn’t recognise himself in many of these areas apart from having a delightful and talented family and being a very generous host. Being charitable, his 49 ball nought was the highlight of his batting; his fielding, perhaps, could do with more hands and less legs;; his figure is slightly more portly than portable; and as for athletic and graceful? Hmmm... Cunning and sneaky start to ring bells. Keen? Madly so! But that still isn’t it.

Sitting and watching rather than challenging Father Time allows me to watch and analyse and even criticise – yes, even me! How often would I have moved midwicket a bit deeper or dissolved the slip cordon (this is village cricket!), when something happens which really shouldn’t. A catch taken, a run-out by the team “rabbit” or the last three opposition wickets falling like a pack of cards occurs too often to be chance. How often have I put my list of my fielding placements or bowling changes that I would have made back in my pocket as I realise my mistake? On top of this everyone is encouraged to have a go, if you don’t bowl, you do get a bat and if you drop a catch or score a nought, there’s a comforting word, whatever he may think deep down. As far as batting is concerned, he swears that all the batsmen bat to his plan. I’m a bit dubious but our recent century was apparently scored with a few words in the changing room at tea – again “business”. Who am I to doubt? He defies all the rules of captaincy but he’s really good at it – really good, and it’s me saying that.

Why am I writing this little homily? Well, Charlie has just achieved his 50th Birthday, on Friday the 13th, no less. He deserves congratulations for his birthday and it’s a good time to reflect on what he has achieved for us. Perhaps the special date has something to do with his success. He certainly doesn’t fulfil any formula that I understand, but it certainly works. I feel a bit like the audience member at a meeting of the Magic Circle. “How does he do it?” The point is, it doesn’t matter how or even why. The point is Charlie Samuels is a really good Captain of Cricket – a prefect, however? No.

And back to that Captain of Cricket at school? He certainly made a better prefect than me and he was a nice chap. I still think I would have done a better job. I think he was a bit too nice; you need a bit of nasty there as well. Yes, even Charlie can do that, but usually with a smile on his face. A “gentleman” then, but a bit of a “player” too.

Nasser Hussain vs Shane Warne

2011-05-25T02:08:00.000-07:00

While perusing Cricinfo's excellent stats archive (it's called Cricket Tragics for a reason, people!) we came across this list of batsmen dismissed most times in Test cricket by Shane Warne.

Now there are many things one could notice here, but one thing leaped out at us. Check out Nasser Hussain's average against the great spinner: a whopping 47.46, only 0.34 less than a certain BC Lara.

We leave you to draw your own conclusions here (as long as one of them is that Nasser is a bloody hero).

Ravi Bopara's Childhood

2011-05-25T02:06:00.000-07:00

An anonymous reader of Tragics has contacted us with this little tasty titbit, concerning why he'd prefer to see Eoin Morgan in the England XI ahead of Ravi Bopara:

"Ravi just strikes me as a troubled child who definitely has class but has flash-backs of being touched up by a dirty foster parent when he is at the crease!"

We just thought we'd share that one with you...

Chesham vs HHCC

2011-05-24T09:49:00.000-07:00

Some are born great; some achieve greatness; and some have greatness thrust upon them. Sitting quietly outside the Plough at approximately 1.15pm this Sunday past, I, your ever-so humble (and, of late, with good reason) correspondent, had greatness unceremoniously thrust upon me. And when I say greatness, I do not use that term lightly – no; for what post could be greater, what role more noble and esteemed, than the hallowed captaincy of the mighty, all-conquering Hyde Heath Cricket Club?

Yes, with Charlie away, the gilded baton passed to Henry Capper, who, selflessly and in the interests of this fine and illustrious club, decided that he’d be better off nursing his still-broken finger down at fine leg and would therefore not be in an ideal position from which to marshal the troops. What selflessness! What gallantry! And so I, ever-modest, ever-humble, assumed the crown of leadership.

The toss was lost – no surprise then, as the now subordinated Capper had taken it upon himself to call the toss. Well, what cheek! Anyway, no matter – we were in the field first, as ever, and under my confident, direct, near-imperious leadership (softened of course by the understanding smile, the comforting arm round the shoulder...) things got off to a flier.

Ali found a perfect length immediately to gain some bounce and a little movement either way of a very green pitch, while Jez did extremely well to bowl with any degree of control into a ludicrously strong wind. Soon the opposition were four down with less than twenty on the board, as their talented but inexperienced top order never got going. We never quite pressed home the advantage that we might have done – and, besides, village cricket isn't really about burying the opposition into the ground – but still dismissed Chesham for 118, and that despite a frustrating last-wicket partnership of 40-odd.

I took my first wicket of the season (finally! So what if he was ten?) which was nice, but the highlight of the innings was two excellent reflex catches by senior pro Tim Barnsley at 1st slip. The first was a cracker, taken sharply to his left as the batsman tried to cut Richard Austin's bouncing off-breaks; and the second an excellent juggled, diving effort off Ali.

And then it came to the chase. And although we didn't exactly cruise home with authority, it was never really in doubt, with us batting all the way to 11. Henry anchored the top order with 30-odd, and, in something that is becoming a rather reliable double act, Brad and Spence put on 40 or so (including a monstrous 6 from Brad) to see us home with five wickets in hand. Victory was mine! I mean, ours...

Great Missenden Pelicans vs HHCC

2011-05-20T06:55:00.000-07:00

Oh dear, Cricket Tragics really have been letting their readers down of late. We apologise wholeheartedly, but it's been a busy week wading through the usual combination of death threats and fan mail as well as some particularly pointed correspondence from a certain “Disgruntled of Hyde Heath”. Sorry! Please don't cancel your subscription to Cricket Tragics – it's the only way we can raise enough money for our daily diet of linseed oil and scotch eggs.

The other reason is that our esteemed editor seems to have rather mislaid his cricketing form... Yes, 'tis true, three matches into the season and I've yet to take a wicket or score a run. And I'm probably going for about 8 an over. Such stats don't make for good reading or fond reminiscing.

So let's focus on the positives, as professional cricketers like to say, and Sunday's match away at the picturesque ground of Great Missenden Pelicans will stand out in the memory for one reason: an unbeaten innings of 116 by James Shrimpton, his first hundred for Hyde Heath (not counting the one he scored against the Plough back in 2010 – putting on an unbeaten 150 partnership with a certain Tom Jeffreys. Oh happier days of yore!)

Anyway, to the point, and apart from a dropped chance on the deep midwicket boundary when he had about 85, this was as near a flawless innings as you could expect from village cricket. Everyone here has always known that James is a seriously quality player, and this innings was replete with his usual array of dismissive pulls and corruscating cover drives. The difference though was that at no stage did he get bored, over-confident or lose concentration. He just kept going, and dragged Hyde Heath to a comfortable victory.

Earlier we'd dismissed the Pelicans for around 170, with Bradley taking four and Jez two in a very long and accurate spell of swing bowling. Shrimpie also took four wickets to lay down a pretty strong claim for 2011's Outstanding Performance award.

HHCC vs The Lee

2011-05-10T05:57:00.000-07:00

They say that with the truly great sporting teams – and I'm thinking of the 1970s West Indians here, Bradman's Invincibles or Australia under Steve Waugh – it's not about never making mistakes, for that would be impossible. It's about learning from those mistakes and avoiding them in the future. Well if the speed at which that lesson is learnt is an accurate indicator of greatness, then Hyde Heath have just etched themselves into the history books.

Last week you may recall, our middle order crashed horribly in pursuit of an eminently gettable 150. This week, in pursuit of roughly the same target, history looked like repeating itself. But no! Hyde Heath stood firm, and despite a mini-wobble, Ben Sonley played sensibly and James Shrimpton (40*) with customary élan to see the team home with consummate ease.

Earlier, stand-in skipper Bradley Hoult had won the toss and fielded against what was a decidedly youthful Lee XI. To make up for it, it seemed, The Lee decided to opt for some dubious umpiring tactics and wided everything in sight. Jez kept things tight and picked up a couple of wickets, but Brad was a little wayward early on. I came on, and once again got the treatment, although in fairness I did bowl better than last week – I just kept hitting a middle and leg line against a batsman whose one shot was the sweep. Not ideal.

Thankfully Shrimpy wheeled away with impressive changes in pace to pick up four wickets, Jez returned at the end to mop up the tail (and earn him the privilege of buying a jug), whilst a run out accounted for the other dismissal. In between all this I managed to take a catch – amazing! It was a bloody dolly though.

And then it was our turn to bat, and with the top order all contributing it was a walk in the park. Almost literally.

Image credit: Dr Crystal Bennes.

HHCC vs Chartridge

2011-05-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

HHCC Academy of Excellence

Apologies for the delay in getting the first match of the season written up. Regular readers have been emailing in threatening to cancel their subscriptions if I don't get a move on, and I had promised that the much-heralded new direction for Cricket Tragics wouldn't alienate our existing audience. Sorry!

And so to the cricket, the long-awaited first match of the season. Surprisingly, the day dawned bright and fair, and Charlie won the toss, and we fielded, of course. I can't remember all that much of what took place, other than rather predictably – after the amazing net sessions, and the promising warm-up match – I dished up a load of old tripe and got panned round the park. The others bowled well though, particularly Brad, who after an understandably rusty first couple of overs, really found his length and some movement back in through the air. Some of his deliveries genuinely looked unplayable and he removed the cream of Chartridge's top order (ie the one guy who actually looked like he might be good).

At the other end I leaked runs like an incontinent mutt and Chartridge took tea on about 150, eminently gettable we assumed, and we were right, just.

At 105 without loss we were cruising. Dom and Henry were batting well, easing smoothly through the gears and run rate wasn't much of a problem. But then it came. The inevitable Hyde Heath collapse. I think we lost 7 for 40 on our way to making an absolute meal of an extremely straightforward chase.

After a series of misjudged strokes, it was left to Brad and Ali to score 6 off the final over, with just two batsman waiting in the pavilion. Ali crunched an elegant square cut, and scarpered a single to level the scores. 1 to win off the final ball, it came down to. Cool as you like, brad played an immaculate forward defensive. And ran. Ali hared down from the non-strikers end. The throw was wild and we were home in some style. Quite what style though, I'm not entirely sure.

A note in passing: I suspect that the reason certain readers have been so desperate for the Tragics report to be published is that instead of loyally supporting the mighty Heath throughout the dying moments of a truly electric cricket match, they elected to pay a visit to the Plough. For shame!

Chinaman - The Legend of Pradeep Mathew

2011-05-03T06:27:00.000-07:00

There pretty much couldn't be a more perfect book with which to kick off this blog's foray into the world of literature. It's about cricket, obviously. It's about spin-bowling, which is nice. And the avuncular narrator is an unreliable drunken hack – something that should be fairly familiar to regular readers of Cricket Tragics.

Coming soon after Sri Lanka's appearance in the final of the 2011 World Cup (a tournament that they also co-hosted with India and Bangladesh) and amid accusations of widespread match-fixing made by former Sri Lankan batsman-wicketkeeper Hashan Tillakaratne, this is an apt moment for the publication of Shehan Karunatilaka's debut novel, Chinaman.

The novel centres on boozy middle-aged cricket writer WG Karunasena (known as Wije), his neighbour and friend Ariyaratne Byrd (Ari) and their quest to revive the reputation of fictional mystery spinner, Pradeep Mathew. Having seen him play in several matches in the mid-90s (before Sri Lanka's epoch-defining World Cup victory under Arjuna Ranatunga in 1996) Ari and Wije are convinced that he's their nation's greatest ever bowler. Like a cross between Murali, John Gleeson and Ajantha Mendis, Mathew is said to have bowled a bewildering array of deliveries – a Chinaman, googly, undercutter, doosra, Carrom ball, and several others, including, most fantastical of all, the double bounce ball, which bounces twice and turns a different way each time.

But Mathew is a mystery in more than just the way he bowls. In a highly stratified, divided and corrupt system (Sri Lankan cricket and politics more generally) Mathew riles his seniors, upsets those in authority and never plays more than seven Tests before fleeing to New Zealand in controversial circumstances. So keen are the authorities to airbrush Mathew from history that all official statistics are erased – although, amusingly, the publishers, Jonathan Cape, have set up fake Crikipedia and Cric1nf0 profiles to whet the appetites of stat-mad, internet-savvy cricket fans.

Make no mistake: this is a cricket book. It doesn't – like, say, Joseph O'Neill's much hyped but inferior Netherland – seek to use cricket as merely the means to explore other issues. This is a book steeped in a love of cricket, but a modern, commercial, corrupt, but still magical version of the sport we love. The last few years have seen the balance of power in cricket shift inexorably towards the sub-continent (event the ICC have been based in Dubai not Lord's since 2005) and now we have novel to reflect the times. Not for Ari (or the author) the ever-glowing Edwardian England of the tediously verbose Neville Cardus.

Paedophilia, match-fixing, violence, wealth, poverty, racism, and the complexities of contemporary Sri Lanka are all explored in this dense, sprawling, at times rather confusing work. With so many shifts in time and tone, sometimes it can be hard to follow exactly what is going on and when, but then this is fitting – both to the manic bustle of the backstreets of Columbo, and to the hazy, boozy recollections of our utterly charming, but badly flawed, narrator.

Chinaman is frequently hilarious, genuinely moving in places, and expertly evocative both of Sri Lanka and the intricate complexities of the the slowest, greatest sport ever invented. Like its narrator, Chinaman is flawed, but, in Karunatilaka's deft hands, it works. This is a truly brilliant novel – I urge everyone to read it.

Chinaman is published by Jonathan Cape. It's available on Amazon.

HHCC vs HHCC

2011-04-28T04:58:00.000-07:00

And so it begins. The Hyde Heath 2011 cricket season sputters into life, with the traditional intra-club curtain raiser. In glorious sunshine, it’s decided that we play a ‘pairs’ match in order for everyone to get a little something out of the day in advance of things kicking off in earnest next Sunday. 8 overs per pair, -20 for every dismissal. Done.

In a slight change of format (to keep things interesting, and reflect the unusual nature of the match) the editorial team at Cricket Tragics have opted for a series of snazzy bullet points. Thus:

1. Fitness
The first outing of the season always makes one thing abundantly clear: I am horribly unfit. But I’m not the only one. Due to the format of the match we were all in the field for nearly 60 overs and, by the end, visibly wilting.

2. The Pitch
Once again, Mikey has excelled. Even with the mower mysteriously broken, the pitch played pretty true, although there was more in it for the bowlers than usual. Given that I managed to find occasionally lavish turn, I’m certainly not complaining.

3. Strategy
Cricket is about strategy. And it’s also about strategy going out the window at the first available opportunity. With the top-scoring pair only posting a total of 34, my batting partner, Richard Austin, and I decided to go for a safety-first approach. Aim for five an over, and keep wickets intact at all cost. Unfortunately Richard failed to receive his own memo and came out all guns blazing. Yes, he hit some sumptuous shots, but in between times he was dismissed three times, and our chance of victory soon evaporated.

4. Fielding
Fielding by and large was pretty poor (although not as poor as some of the umpiring – how long before the UDRS is seen at this level?) but there were two notable exceptions. Firstly, a blinding one-handed catch in the gulley by Henry Capper to dismiss the cavalier Austin and cost us 20 runs; and second, an excellent leaping snare by young Matt, who looks like he could be quite a cricketer.

5. Batting
Shrimpy and Henry both looked very good as ever, whilst Nick and Rich showcased some impressive strokeplay. I scored surprisingly quickly (for me) but the batsman of the day, unusually, was Spencer North, who carried his pair to a deserved victory. If he carries on the season with this new, sensible approach (combined with his natural ability to hit sixes with ease) I think this could be a good year for him, batting in the lower middle order.

6. Bowling
Jez was as steady as ever, I got some serious turn, but dropped too short too often, which is something I’m going to have to work on. Overall though we looked a bit short on seamers (with no Ali, Amala, Bradley, Airdy or Luke) but with the pitch taking turn this early in the season (and several spinners available) we needn’t get too worried.

7. Tea
Tea of course is Hyde Heath’s traditional strength, and the new season kicked off in fine style. Nick’s chicken tikka sandwiches were again the stand-outs, although some egg and mustard sandwiches were another highlight. The samosas were a nice touch too.

8. The Plough
The Plough thankfully remains unchanged. As does our conversation in it. Cricket? Cricket.

Cricket Tragics – 2011 important pre-season information

2011-04-19T07:59:00.000-07:00

With the now traditional HHCC season curtain-raiser to take place this Friday (not for nothing is it known as Good Friday) it seems like a good opportunity to keep our many readers up to date with our plans for the season. There's many exciting changes afoot and we thought we should keep you abreast of these things, so the more elderly amongst you don't get to flustered. Change? Yes, we know.

Pre-season training
Net sessions have occurred, and rather unfortunately I bowled extremely well in the last one. Which almost certainly means that I'll be getting my hopes up for a killer season ahead, only to have them dashed against a wall. A wall made of drink, lack of talent, strops, dropped catches, and hard-hitting opposition batsmen. A wall known simply as Cricket.

Goals
My goals at the start of the 2009 season (I can't find last year's) were: “to really cement my place as Hyde Heath’s leading leg-spinning all-rounder under 25. So in concrete terms: at least one half-century, a five-wicket haul, and less than three dropped catches. Moderate, but attainable.”

Last year I did score a half-century (two in fact) but neither in matches that actually counted. So this year the aim is to score two that actually matter for the end of season averages.

This year, I'm aiming for two five-wicket hauls, and again, less than three dropped catches. So overall 9and bearing in mind I've aged two years in the last two years) the aim is to really cement my place as Hyde Heath’s leading leg-spinning all-rounder aged 27.

New features
After some extensive reader research surveys and outsourced market analysis, it's become clear that Cricket Tragics has a very niche target audience (of about 15). We've decided to attempt to broaden our readership base – without, of course, neglecting our core reader(s) – through a series of exciting new features. Basically, this consists of writing about cricket-related things outside of Hyde Heath. Yes, it's radical – like when Yorkshire first picked an overseas player – but we feel that now is the time to take the plunge.

The other reason is that we're hoping to start being sent free stuff. Cricket bats, books, match tickets, press trips to India, one-on-one coaching sessions with Shane Warne: if there are any PRs reading this, then Cricket Tragics are very much open to new ideas.

We'll be kicking things off soon with a review of Chinaman: The Legend of Pradeep Mathew by Shehan Karunatilaka. A copy was sent to us by the kind folks at Jonathan Cape and it really is brilliant. So keep your eyes open!

HHCC vs Ivinghoe & Pitstone

2010-09-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

Matt cuts loose

What with my absence from the last match of the HHCC 2010 season, the club's honourable President has taken it upon himself to spread his lies and Stalinist propaganda against your dedicated correspondent. Here it is in full below:

This week you have a bit of a treat. Rather than the ethanol-withdrawal induced reporting you know and love, this week there is a cold-blooded, factual, unbiased, sober (well almost) view of events on the “Heath”. No tales of vicious phantom leg-spin bowled at mere children – actually, we might have done better if there was. Just tales of my last game as Chairman, a chance for the team to achieve the highest number of wins in a season, a chance for five people to avoid the Duck Award, a chance of making enough runs to win the batting prize, enough wickets to take the bowling prize, a fielding performance to take the Fielding Cup, sandwiches to influence the awarding of the Captain's Cup, or even behaviour sycophantic enough to influence the President’s Cup (the Prix d’Or of Hyde Heath).

Right, so much for the scene-setting, what about the cricket? Charlie walked to the wickets, and promptly lost the toss in a timed game. Now my esteemed correspondent doesn’t like limited overs cricket and I can sympathise. However, once we lost the decision and were put in, the excellent pitch produced by Mike O’the Common became a handicap: make 200+ and you struggle to prize batsmen out, score too few and it’s a cakewalk. We achieved the former. However, the battle for Cups took over.

Henry and Dom walked out to impose themselves and, allegedly, both were in “the Zone”. Dom needed a small task of 250* to take the Batting Cup but thought he would take Henry out as his first task. “Come one” is always a frightening call, particularly when the ball is lodged in gulley’s hands. Apparently Shrimpy, in the pavilion, was out of his seat in no time to greet Henry back and stake his own claim for glory, thanking Dom on the way. Could he take control? Could Dom make the 250? Well, not really, but both batted really well. The score ticked along. Shrimpy decided to give one fielder (their captain, no less) catching practice and after four close calls was taken at mid-wicket by the same man, with an excellent catch in spite of very sore hands, for a good 34. Dom missed his target by 224 but was unlucky to pick out deep mid-wicket.

Enter Nick Burgham who just loves Iving and Pitstone’s bowlers. He really got stuck in with some violence and made 49 with an array of shots to make Ian Botham jealous. However, avoiding buying a jug seemed more important than ever and he perished on 49. Viney and Sims took over, both scoring freely. Viney had the unique experience of being called back by the bowler of all people, after being caught off a head-high full toss. Dom, umpiring at the bowlers end and fearing another challenge to the batting cup, (only 600 short) wouldn’t call “no ball” and Brad at square leg sympathised. Would Jeremy have been so generous with the Bowling Cup at stake? Reprieved, Viney pushed us up to 226 for 6, helped by an excellent 15* from Spencer

Bad news for Tom and Jeremy, however; an innings with no ducks (not one!). The Duck Prize (probably the ultimate end of season reward and usually achieved with 6 or 7 ducks by someone called Tim Nutman) might just be traveling in to London with Tom’s first and second ball ducks beating Jezza’s first and a few balls. It only needed one slip-up from any of three players, but…

Tea and cakes next with the stirring sight of the President, who has not been in the best of health recently, arriving chauffeur-driven to a standing ovation which even brought a dampness to the Chairman’s eye, to sample the fare. Great to see him back! Needless to say tea did not disappoint and the Heath took to the field with possibly (certainly) too many runs and far too much cake as well.

Hahaha - best drop ever!

Jeremy and Shrimpy were neck and neck in the race for the Bowling Cup with little to choose between them. Both bowled well although the opening bat seemed to be a bit impatient, hitting Jeremy particularly severely around the ground. Little did we know that he had to retire to return to college but not before he had been dropped in consecutive balls. The second of which ruined a run from Champagne Charlie, 'El Capitano', who had looked invincible under the high ball in the last few matches.

Unfortunately after the openers' exits, the other batsmen failed to shine; in fact they were truly pedestrian. In the past at Hyde Heath the odd shooter or ridiculous movement off the seam could still have won the game for us but Mike is far too good a groundsman and the pitch played true – too true! 123 for 7 but no chance of winning, particularly against I & P’s canny league players. There were several bright spots however: Sohail bowled beautifully with only 9 runs off his 7 overs, Shrimpy, 11 overs, 2 for 28 and Brad, bowling what one of my old cricketing friends would describe as declaration bowling. Can you tell me why half of Hyde Heath who bowl fairly well off five paces feel they are Swann’s half-brother? Stand up Brad, Austin and Barnsley (spot the odd one out). However Shrimpy has proved me wrong with excellent bowling all season. Maybe some bowlers might reverse the trend!

Right, on to my reason for taking this write-up on. Timed games are good fun and when we were weak and with winning out of the question, achieving a draw against far better players by batting second was a bit of fun. But the boot is on the other foot now. We would have walloped this side by either batting second or playing overs. We can’t rely on other sides’ naivety or Charlie winning the toss with his double-sided coin. Not convinced? Neither am I totally!

Still, what a real pleasure to see HHCC's great spirit in this rather negative game. Was it that they didn’t have to retrieve the ball from the woods time and time again as our previous correspondent “bought” a wicket? Was it that the season was ending? Was it that the match started an hour and a half earlier and therefore we were in the pub much earlier? I don’t know and, really, I don’t care. What I did notice was a really enjoyable time for me is coming to an end. Tom Hicks might have to buy his team to enjoy their performance but this Chairman has just sat and watched eleven players time after time who have played cricket on the Common and loved this great game we all share. What great value!

Abbots Langley vs HHCC

2010-09-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

The penultimate match of the Hyde Heath 2010 season, and sadly the last for your humble correspondent – thanks, family. I'm aware that this blog is perhaps becoming more about my burgeoning drink problem rather than the cricket, so I'll try and stick to the point this time. What was the point again?

Oh yes, cricket. For the first time ever we paid a visit to Abbots Langley. Apparently we always play them at the Heath because they love our teas so much. Well, it's understandable, but theirs was truly excellent too. I wouldn't ever presume to advise our tea-making committee, but the onion bhajis and samosas did go down extremely well. Just a thought...

What was the point again? Right, yes, sorry. We won the toss and elected to field first in a 40-overs per side game, and I have to say I've never seen the Heath field as well as we did today. It really was exceptional – highlights included Nick's catch at backward square leg, Brad's at cover, and Charlie's (yes, Charlie's) at mid-off. But the outstanding performance was by Spencer, who with catches, chases round the boundary and brilliant diving stops must have saved a good 20 runs on his own. It was really pretty impressive. Even I only misfielded once, I think.

Jez and Shrimpie bowled well early doors to keep Abbots Langley pegged back, but they began to find their range when Nick and myself came on to bowl – their left-hander hit some massive sixes off both of us. But the drinks break brought a change in fortune as I picked up two wickets in the over. One – Brad's catch to remove the destructive leftie – was particularly impressive as Brad had only just arrived at the ground, having landed from America that morning.

Ordinarily at this stage we would have closed in for the kill, but because it was limited overs we held back a little. That's when the game becomes boring and I'm so glad we normally play time games where the emphasis in the field is always about wickets and not maidens. Nonetheless we did well to keep them to around 180 and were pretty confident about chasing down the target.

Unfortunately our innings never got going, and despite a classy 50 from Shrimpie, a sensible supporting role from Spence (whose batting is beginning to get there) and some late fireworks from Sohail, we fell well short.

Of interest coming into the final match are various awards, still very much up for grabs. The Bowling Cup is very tight between Jez on 30 and Brad with 28, although Shrimpie could stage a late bid if he takes 7-fer. More important though is the Duck Cup. Half the squad it seems have got two this season but, with a golden duck each, Jez and I are tied for first place on count back. The fact that my other duck was a second baller might see me in trouble if nobody bags a blob in the final match. Fingers crossed – I don't think I could stand the humiliation.

HHCC vs Rising Stars

2010-09-13T11:42:00.000-07:00

Apologies for the tardiness in writing up last week's match – it's been a bit of a hectic week or so. Anyway, I'll try and remember what I can – my memory rarely stretches to anything more than a week ago, and for reasons that will become clear I wasn't quite at my sharpest that day.

According to the fixture list we were due to play away at Cublington, but all did not quite go to plan. On the way to the ground, Charlie got a call from Shrimpie – apparently another team were already encamped in the away dressing room. Oh dear, some kind of mix-up had clearly occurred. Apparently we never confirmed the fixture and Cublington had arranged for a team to fill in for us at the last minute. Oops.

Assuming cricket to have been cancelled for the day, we all adjourned to The Plough and prepared to settle in for the afternoon – to be honest this was a rather welcome turn of events, as the evening before has been rather, um, lengthy. Unfortunately – for me at least – Charlie manageed to contact Chesham's Rising Stars, who agreed to play a 30-over game. By this stage I'd had a good five pints I think, including one before even getting out of bed, but we won't get into that.

Anyway, to put it succinctly, Rising Stars gave us a bit of a pasting. My first ball – surpsingly, given that I could hardly see – was a fairly well-pitched leg-break. Excellent, I thought. The batsman deposited it into the trees over long on. Bugger. It didn't improve much as my 3 overs went for 50-odd and they racked up a pretty hefty total (I really can't remember what now).

We never really got going, and despite a characteristically pugnacious 40-odd from Nick, and a bit of a lower order recovery, we fell rather short. Oh well, at least the match won't count for the end of season averages. Thank the Lord.

Coincidentally, the match took place in the midst of the Pakistan spot-fixing crisis, and whilst I was umpiring in the middle, their left-arm quick started to bowl no-balls. I called him, and prepared myself for a diplomatic disaster. Fortunately everyone thought it was hilarious.

One other amusing note – that President John Capper was keen to point out several times – was that the match took place during Ramadan. Imagine the result if the oppo has actually eaten anything that day. It doesn't really bear thinking about.

HHCC vs Bank of England

2010-08-31T06:03:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. A 24-hour binge beginning at Lord's at 11am on Saturday, continuing with dinner with one's alcoholic uncle, thence to a Bethnal Green house party and back home for breakfast lagers, is perhaps not the ideal preparation for a cricket match. Two quick pints at the Plough seemed to perk me up somewhat, but not for long.

I snooze; Nick mows

The opposition were Bank of England, and with the absence of Dom (on holiday I think) and Henry (being unspeakably lame) I was asked to open the batting. Fortunately some heavy rain meant the game was reduced to 30 overs per side, and I got time for a quick pre-match snooze. It didn't help. I was dropped twice on my way to a painful 6, before being stumped having a mow.

I'm out; there's a fly-by to celebrate

Unsure quite how to bat (not quite normally, not quite all-out 20/20 hitting) Hyde Heath rather collapsed and it was thanks to Jez with 30-odd, Atif and Spence that we got up to a roughly par 134 for 9.

Jez opened up with an extremely tight opening spell of 6 overs for 15, but it was only from the boundary that he managed to hit the wickets – sending in a throw of pin-point accuracy to run out one of their openers. In fact by the time I came on to bowl, we'd only taken two wickets, both to run outs, but that was all to change.

Jez cuts loose

I'd like to say I bowled amazingly, but it would be a lie – the usual array of full-tosses and long hops were all in evidence, but fortunately the batsmen weren't good enough to capitalise, and they also weren't good enough to keep out the decent deliveries, of which there were also some. Anyway, I finished with 4 for 20 off 6, and with Nick and Shrimpie also keeping things tight we closed the game out to win by about 20 runs.

All of which meant we could amble back to the pub. Thank god for that.

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

2010-08-23T06:03:00.000-07:00

A clinical performance from Hyde Heath away against Ivinghoe & Pitstone made 2010 a record-breaking year for the club. We've now won 14 out of 18 completed matches to record, apparently, our best victory tally of all time. And with another four matches still to go, 2010 could well come to be hailed as Hyde Heath's annus mirabilis.

Winning the toss, Charlie elected to bowl first despite this being a 40-overs per innings game and the team being rather light on bowling. After Ivinghoe & Pitstone got off to a flier in the first three overs, it looked like we might be in for a long afternoon of leather chasing. But Jez and Shrimpie – taking the new ball with his off-spinners – clawed things back, and as wickets fell, a talented but fatally gung-ho batting line-up failed to adjust their tactics and ended up in a mess. Jez plugged away to pick up two wickets, but it was Shrimpie who did the bulk of the damage with six for 26.

He varied his pace well and the young batsmen didn't seem to have the patience to play him at all as they all succumbed to recklessness. That's not to take away from an excellent bowling effort, but the fact that the oppo were bowled out for 81 on a pitch that did nothing but keep occasionally low suggests poor thinking on their part.

One highlight was Dom bowling his first spell for the Heath in some years, and picking up two wickets. That one of them was caught (excellently, running backwards) by his brother Oli was particularly entertaining. Caught Haddock, bowled Haddock – what a way to go.

With such a small target the result was never really in doubt, although we did contrive to lose three wickets en route, including Shrimpie controversially given out caught behind by Charlie. Anyway, Oli Haddock came in to finish things off in style and a thorough pasting was completed. Splendid.

HHCC vs Gamecox

2010-08-17T11:07:00.001-07:00

An absolutely brilliant game of cricket down at the Heath on Sunday, witnessed in part by none of other than England captain Andrew Strauss, again. I have to say I think I bowled rather well, and by all accounts the second spinner's berth is wide open for the forthcoming Ashes tour to Australia – coincidence? You do the math...

Anyway, to the cricket, and it genuinely was one of the best games I've played for the Heath in, ooh, probably about a decade now. Reassuringly returning as captain, Charlie won the toss and we elected to field. Gamecox made a quick start, after a speculative and expensive solitary over from Ben Sonley, but were then pegged back by the accuracy of Jez and Brad, who also picked up two wickets.

From there, Charlie turned to the spinners – myself and Richard Austin, and we proceeded to wheel away for pretty much the rest of the Gamecox innings. After a poor start, Henry suggested that my right arm was getting too low, and thereafter I found a decent rhythm and a level of accuracy that had been markedly missing for the past few games. I got a couple of deliveries to really zip and turn, and picked up two wickets off a nice, long 11 over spell – of course these were off the rankest balls I bowled, but then such is the way with leg-spin (it could have been four were it not for two dropped chances at mid-off...).

At the other end Richard bowled tidily and also found some turn to pick up two wickets himself, and at the tea break, Gamecox were 183 for 6 – a gettable target, although it would have been nice to take more wickets. We were thwarted here by a gentleman of no less than 71, who made a composed 40-odd.

Capper and Haddock started the Heath response in solid style, putting on yet another half-century opening stand. But when both fell in consecutive balls from the oppo's unlikely-looking medium pacer, and then Matt and Napes followed soon after, we looked in some trouble.

Fortunately Richard and Ben strode to the rescue with a partnership of sensible accumulation. Even though Ben took some time to get going, Richard was aggressive against the Gamecox spinners, and runs began to flow. During their partnership there was a nice moment of controversy as I wided their off-spinner (the captain's son). Both were none too impressed (although the ball was pretty rank) – my guess is that Capper's shout from the boundary of “great decision, Tom!” probably didn't help too much... Just as Ben looked set however, there was a bit of a mix-up and he was run out in slightly ignominious fashion.

But Richard kept on going to reach his half-century off just 35 balls, and some big shots from Brad and Spence brought the target down to an eminently gettable 4 an over from the past four. But when Richard 'the finisher' Austin departed, the dots agonisingly mounted. When the opening bowler returned, things were still in the balance. Until Brad smote him over the trees for a colossal six. Surely the game was in the bag?

Well, no. Brad was bowled with 2 needed and it came down to the final over. Fortunately, Jez ran a single off the first ball, and on the third, Spence chipped one just, just over the heads of the infield and the batsmen scampered through for the winning run. Victory! With two balls and three wickets to spare – a brilliant match. And perhaps, in the end, that wide proved crucial. Guffaw.

HHCC vs Longwick

2010-08-09T06:14:00.000-07:00

Probably the biggest shambles you could imagine preceded Sunday's game against Longwick.

First we had 12 players, as Richard Austin and a friend of Brad's were due to play in addition to the list of ten names sent to me by Charlie. This then dropped to 10, as Brad's mate was told he was superfluous to requirements and then Amala failed to arrive on the train (and failed to notify Caroline Capper who was waiting at the station to collect him). Thankfully Hyde Heath Chairman Mr J Capper stepped up when the club needed him most, and we managed to field a full eleven.

But this was just the tip of the iceberg. With half of the side well on their way to Longwick (and some already there) the Longwick skipper showed up at Fortress Heath with the rest of his team following shortly behind. I explained that we were playing at Longwick. He explained that we were playing at Hyde Heath. Neither side had a pitch prepared or (more importantly) teas to eat. A right bloody shambles.

Thankfully at a moment's notice our brilliant groundsman Mikey zoomed across the outfield and proceeded to cut and roll last week's wicket. In a frenzy of action we painted the boundary line, put out the flags and benches, set up the clock, and put in the stumps. Cricket, despite everything, would happen. We made sure of it.

In all this confusion I went out to toss – I was skipper by the way – and, despite my earlier tirade against limited overs cricket, conceded to Longwick's captain who wanted a 40 overs match. Anyway I won the toss and, just like Charlie, elected to field – mainly because I had no idea how the pitch would play. It turned out, as Mikey's pitches always do, to be perfect, if with a little more spin than usual.

Jez and Brad opened up and kept things tight, before Nicko replaced Brad at the Plough End. Continuing his good bowling form from tour, he bowled a full length and attacking line and was rewarded with three wickets from his allocated 8 overs (although it probably should be noted that two came from rank long hops, but hey ho). Shrimpie also wheeled away with accuracy, loop and a good bit of turn. He was more expensive than he should have been – party due to some bad fielding and partly due to some pretty bad field placement on my part.

Anyway, he took three wickets, including two in two balls, I bowled their left-hander through the gate with a sharply spun leg-break and we were well on top. From there I rather let things drift and from being about 80 for 6, Longwick eventually scrabbled up to 171 all out., partly aided by about 25 extras. A lot of credit though to Jez for the outstanding figures of 1 for 7 off 7 overs.

After tea – generously put together by the kind folks at the Plough – it was our turn to bat. I have to say I was a little nervous after we'd collapsed the week before chasing a similar target. But a century opening stand between Capper and Haddock effectively sealed the deal. Dom was dropped four times on his way to 60 but in between times played some great shots off the back foot. Several pull shots were particularly withering, and it was amusing that Longwick continued to feed the stroke.

Capper started sedately and was content to push the singles while Dom hit the boundaries at the other end. When he was out though, Henry started to find his timing, and although things got a little tense towards the end as we got a bit bogged down with the total in sight, he drilled two consecutive boundaries to swing the match decisively our way. All in all his unbeaten 83 was a measured and mature innings, that showed exactly how a run chase ought to be paced.

After the embarrassing lead-up it was a well-earned victory and, with everyone chipping in just to even get a match, it once more demonstrated the great spirit that lies at the heart of the Heath.

Hyde Heath Invicta Tour, Kent 2010

2010-08-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

The Hyde Heath Invicta Tour – the 2010 incarnation of the club's annual foray away from leafy Buckinghamshire – lasted precisely one match. It then swiftly became the more aptly named Victa tour, during which, ironically, we won both matches, thus returning to the Invicta state in which we'd so presumptuously begun. Kind of.

Before we begin in earnest, a quick apology: I was drunk for most of the first match, exhausted for the second two, I tend not to pay attention to what's going on unless I'm personally involved and I have a terrible memory. So what follows is only hazy recollections at best (aided by Matt's tour notes). If I've got anything badly wrong or missed anything out then do please comment in the box at the bottom. Ta very much.

Anyway, enough wittering – to the cricket already!

Cobham vs HHCC
This year the first village to bear the brunt of the mighty Heath was not, as is customary in Kent, Meopham, but another village named, similarly, Cobham. But before the match, Tour Manager and Skipper Matt Sims rallied the troops with Gladiator-inspired speeches (“If you find yourself alone, sitting in a cool room with a cucumber sandwich in your hand, do not be troubled! For you are in the pavillion! And you're already out!”) and tour-themed gifts: Clark Kent-esque specs and super hero t-shirts, courtesy of tour sponsors Primani. Alas they couldn't help us play like superheroes. Yet.

No shows from Spencer's imaginary friends meant we were down to nine men and despite loans from the opposition, our fielding was poor. Swinging it at will, Jez and Brad bowled extremely well but I dropped around three catches, Capper one, Angus one, and our inspirational skipper one of the all-time howlers at mid-off. All this helped one of the oppo batsmen make it to 98 before he was sharply stumped by Capper off me. I've now forgotten what their total was but once we collapsed horribly the draw was our best bet. Batting at number 6, I was last man standing for 8 not out – the once mighty Heath had been bowled out for 88. Invicta no more.

The main controversy of the match surrounded, as so often, Atif, who after not being given a bowl decided to limp off the field with a “groin strain”. The fact that it seemed to recover in time for him to chase Brad round the park with a cricket bat suggested that it might – just might – have been feigned. It did, however, return the next day with a vengeance – more of which later.

The evening was then spent enjoyably making up for the loss by boozing our way round Maidstone. We kicked things off in the Wetherspoon's (yeah, it's all class with the Heath) before the party split in two – the oldies (oh god, that includes me) going to some late bar, and the young folk to what I hear is these days referred to a “night club”...

Harvel vs HHCC
Nobody wants to read about what went on at either location, so it's on to the second day of tour against the strong and highly competitive Harvel. After a solid opening stand between Matt Sims and Richard Austin, the latter really began to find his feet, eventually scoring an elegant and classical 80 – his highest score for HHCC. Studded with authoritative cover drives and signature pull strokes, it was a classy backbone to the innings. Jez kept up the momentum with a quick scoring half-century, before which I suffered the ignominy of a second ball duck by padding up to a fairly straight delivery and getting bowled. Nice.

So we eventually made 240 off our 50 overs and Harvel set about their chase in their customarily belligerent fashion. But a brilliant reflex catch at slip by Spence removed their talented ginger opener, and Brad again bowled well to peg back the top order. Their middle order began to flourish against a succession of rank full tosses from yours truly, until Nicko decided enough was enough. Bowling the best he's ever bowled for us – on a full length with a bit of pace and nip – he removed both set batsmen and the dangerous Wakeman (I think that's his name) who'd apparently scored a ton the day before. The ball he got their top scorer with – nipping back off the seam through the gate and into the stumps – was an absolute cracker.

The inspired Sims then turned immediately to Richard Austin who decisively beat their Australian overseas player with a bit of flight and guile (and a horrible mow) and it was all over bar the shouting. We'd beaten Harvel. Again! They're certainly the strongest team we play all year and to beat them – even if they do give us a few runs to make a game of it – is really rather satisfying, and shows the commitment to the cause that marks the Heath apart.

That evening we all went for a well-earned curry (something the Pett's Wood changing room would come to regret the next day) and there was much booze-related rejoicing, despite everyone's exhaustion. One notable omission from the evening's revels was Atif, whose groin strain/strop had flared up again to such an extent that he decided to bugger off home in his van. There's precedent for this (cf. the case of HHCC vs Nutman 2007) and Asif, in absentia, was fined the standard penalty of £1.3million.

Pett's Wood vs HHCC
The final match against Pett's Wood always sees Hyde Heath below par (it's probably all that team spirit) and again our fielding and bowling were lacklustre – although credit again to Brad for a long and accurate spell. Without his bowling this tour, we could have been in serious trouble. On a flat wicket though and with the outfield like lightning, wickets were hard to come by and Pett's Wood declared at tea on about 220.

After tea, Jez and I strode out to open the Hyde Heath riposte, knowing that a quick start was imperative. Luckily – because I have literally no shots – Jez kicked off in some style, slamming their bowlers back over the heads with impressive timing. When he was out cutting for a quickfire 34, he'd given us the impetus we needed. But when Shrimpie continued his run of poor form and I was splendidly caught behind down the leg-side for 30-odd, the innings faltered. Luckily Brad kept things together, scoring quickly but sensibly on his way to 60, ably supported by an increasingly confident Angus. When Brad fell though (I gave him out LBW!) it was still all in the balance – especially as we only had nine batsmen – but Richard Austin guided us home in style to cap an excellent tour for him. It was a tense, but ultimately well-paced run chase and a fitting end to another brilliant tour.

The one moment of controversy came when Matt laid out the HHCC flag with pride upon the table, only for Pett's Wood to later lay their tea upon it – the sacrilege! But we'll get over it. After yet another wonderful tour, Matt deserves a whole heap of praise. It must be a bit of a bloody nightmare sorting the whole thing out, but Matt always does it so well, and in addition, his on-field captaincy was genuinely first-rate. To Kent again next year? Or pastures new? Who knows...

HHCC vs Bourne End

2010-08-03T05:38:00.001-07:00

Tour hangover strikes again as a rather inept batting performance sees Hyde Heath felled at home by a nine-man Bourne End team. We should really play someone really, really bad immediately after tour.

We won the toss and, as usual, inserted the opposition. Brad and Jez bowled well to nip out one of their openers and a rather one-dimensional number three – at one stage we about six fielders between the keeper and point until he popped a leg-side catch to the keeper.

But from here problems arose as their number four – a semi-pro ringer from Portsmouth – announced his intentions by slamming his first ball, a full length delivery from Brad, back over wide mid-off for 6. At the other end Azhar interspersed sweetly timed lofted drives with frequent and frustrating air shots, and the pair proved rather hard to bowl at. The ringer hit one particularly memorable straight drive back over Luke's head before drilling a long hop from Shrimpie to Brad at deep midwicket for 53. After that they folded to 186 all out with Shrimpie finishing with four. On a flat pitch with a fast outfield the game was in the bag. Surely?

Well, no. Nicko opened up with Shrimpie, but both departed early, followed by Nick's mate Travis to a horrible mow (he'd looked pretty good before that). So it was down to Luke's mate Harry (who'd earlier kept wicket tidily) and Tim Barnsley to steady the ship, which they duly did in some style until Harry received a brutal lifter from the Portsmouth ringer, bowling off-spin.

From there, we lost Spence (although not until he'd hit a colossal six over the trees), Brad and Luke for very little and the innings was in tatters. When Tim was caught on the boundary for an elegant half century, Jez and I were too late to salvage anything and we were bowled out for about 130. A pretty dismal display. Thank god for skipper Nick's chicken tikka sandwiches at tea.

HHCC vs Turville Park

2010-07-27T01:02:00.001-07:00

Turville couldn't raise a team and cancelled. So we had a rather nice net session and a barbeque. Some timely practice before Tour this week.

HHCC vs London Dragons

2010-07-21T06:27:00.001-07:00

Charlie's absence this weekend meant that the great honour of skippering the mighty Heath fell into the grateful hands of your humble correspondent. If the naysayers are to be believed however, it was an honour towards which I rather neglected to show the requisite respect. But if only these naysayers had realised quite how horrendous I felt when I woke up they'd have realised the necessity to drink four pints before leaving London.

One side-effect of this was that I arrived only 20 minutes before the start of play; the other that I was a tad hazy about what was going on. No matter though – erstwhile vice captain Capper sorted out all the pre-match bits and bobs (including finding in Spencer's mate Liam a last-minute replacement for Amala who'd phoned in sick).

The oppo were the London Dragons, a new fixture with an intimidating name. We lost the toss, were sent into bat, and things quickly fell apart. Capper was out cutting to point for zero, Shrimpie edged to 1st slip, and when Haddock was out too, it was left to Jez (promoted to number four by his confident/drunk captain) and Ben to steady the ship. Which they largely did, until disaster struck. Four wickets fell for the addition of not a single run (including myself for a rather humiliating second ball duck and Richard Austin contentiously given out LBW by Capper). We were suddenly 100 for 7 and staring down the barrel.

Enter Brad and Spence who both batted superbly to rescue the innings. For probably the first time ever, Spence not only realised that the forward defensive is actually a real shot but also actually managed to deploy it, in between some clean strikes to the boundary. When he fell for a mightily valuable 28 it was down to Ali to support Brad, which he duly did rather well: the two put on an unbroken 49 for the ninth wicket, of which Ali made a doughty 2. Brad's innings of 76 off 60 deliveries was quite brilliant and rested the match well and truly our way. After starting cautiously, his last 40-odd runs came from just 20 balls as he took the Dragons' attack to the cleaners in a calculated assault. There were some great shots, none more impressive than a pulled six that seemed to require no effort but still sailed miles into the trees.

So having secured an ultimately impressive total of 214, it was now a case of seeing what our bowlers could do. And thankfully they didn't let me down. Jez and Ali bowled excellent opening spells, with Ali in particular causing all sorts of problems for a top order that looked potentially pretty strong on a fairly flat pitch. By bowling at middle and off and hitting an impeccable length with the odd variation in pace, he made captaincy easy, and the wickets duly came along in a rush – four were bowled and one excellently caught by Shrimpie. Apparently I dropped a bit of a shocker, but I'm still feigning ignorance.

Ali's five wickets broke the back of their innings and then the spinners mopped up – Rich with two, myself one, and then Brad wrapped things up when the last man chipped a catch to Ali to give the Heath a satisfying 99 run victory. All in all an excellent match, that I feel rather vindicated my controversial early morning captaincy decisions.

HHCC vs Chesham Bois

2010-07-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Another blindingly hot Sunday afternoon at Fortress Heath and another sub-standard match from yours truly. But a clinical performance from Hyde Heath resulted in a very comfortable victory against a not particularly strong Chesham Bois side.

Capper scores through the leg-side.

Having said that, things didn’t start exactly as planned. Apart from Jez’s opening wicket – a full delivery that enticed the drive only to result in a nick to Richie Austin in the gulley – we bowled and fielded poorly in the sweltering heat. This allowed Chesham Bois to rattle along at almost a run a ball. Brad, Nick and I were expensive (although Nick at least picked up the second wicket) whilst Capper, Danny, Nick and I all dropped catches (Nick’s admittedly was a bloody toughie). By the drinks break, Chesham Bois were ominously placed at 110 for 2 and it was looking like we’d be chasing something like 250.

But Charlie rallied the troops and made two canny bowling changes. Recalling Jez at the Pavilion End resulted in the immediate removal of the oppo’s chief run-scorer, sharply stumped by Capper as he overbalanced on the drive. From the other end, Charlie turned to Shrimpie’s part-time off-spin, and it proved an inspired decision, as he combined accuracy, changes in pace, and a bit of occasional turn to roll through the Chesham Bois middle order. He finished with five wickets and Jez four as they collapsed horribly to 137 all out.

Haddock collects 4; JC looks enthralled...

Against a pretty ropey bowling attack such a total was never going to be a problem, unless we really decided to balls it up completely. Which we didn’t. Dom and Caps batted with calm aggression and Chesham Bois were quickly demoralised. A ten-wicket victory was no less than we deserved – if anything, simply for the quality of the tea alone. It was probably one of the all time great Heath performances in that department – I mean, smoked salmon sandwiches! Sheesh. Let’s never play away again

Ballinger vs HHCC

2010-07-05T05:46:00.000-07:00

Not the most exciting game of cricket I've ever played in, but nonetheless a strong win for the Heath away at Ballinger. Things started badly as – with Charlie picking up Amala from the station and Spencer running late – we took the field with only 8 players, no captain and only one opening bowler. The first few overs were terrible as Jez and Shrimpie bowled repeatedly short and wide and Ballinger motored along at 7 an over.

But Charlie's return saw a marked improvement in discipline from the bowlers and enthusiasm from the fielders and we were soon right back in it. Jez bowled splendidly on a pitch with a bit of pace and bounce to scythe through Ballinger's powerful, if a little cavalier, top order. To take six wickets after an expensive start was a great effort – the highlight probably being the uprooting of the middle stump on no less than three occasions.

After some tedious resistance from Ballinger's tail – during which time I struggled to find much rhythm – we eventually bowled them out for 168, an eminently gettable target.

Tea – as so often when we play away – was distinctly below par. It made one yearn for the home-baked cakes of Hyde Heath and Nick's signature chicken tikka sandwiches, which I inexcusably forgot to mention last week.

Anyway, to the run chase, and against some disciplined bowling we didn't start well: Capper was caught and bowled, Shrimpie edged a drive to 1st slip, and Napes had his off stump removed. But Dom was still there and playing with increasing fluency, and he was joined by Brad who helped to steady the ship. When he was out, in strode Nick who – probably in an attempt to prove a correlation between quality of sandwiches and quality of batting – proceeded to destroy Ballinger's bowling attack.

With Dom and Nick in full flow we cantered along towards the target, and although it all must have been very entertaining, I'm afraid to say I spent more time concentrating on our own little game in the net with a half-width bat. But Nick made 40 with a couple of sixes and Dom was last out for 75, and in the end we won pretty comfortably. Back home next week – thank God.

HHCC vs Southwell Ramblers

2010-06-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

A scorching day of unrelenting sun was matched only by splendid game of cricket in which Hyde Heath came out on top, eventually. The match started early so that an extended tea break could coincide with some other “sport”, and in the heat, we won the toss and opted to bat.

All of our top order looked comfortable but contrived to get themselves out in a variety of ways. Only Nicko capitalised on his start, making 40 before being bowled cramped for room on the cut – he really must stop playing that shot. But he looked very classy nonetheless. One cover drive was particularly memorable – not only was it classical, but it was hit so fiercely hard that the ball seemed almost to scorch the earth on its way to the boundary.

But with our strongest top order so far this season largely failing, it was left to Ben and Brad to drag us up to a competitive total with an enterprising half-century stand. We finished on 194 for 9 – about 50 short, we thought, but it actually turned out to be something of a blessing.

After a couple of early wickets, Southwell started to put together some partnerships, and with 140 needed from the last 20 overs it was anybody's game – especially as I (bowling from the Plough End for the first time in years) started expensively. But when things were looking like they might slip away, I lobbed one up on leg stump which the batsman crashed straight down Jez's throat at deep backward square. The ball seriously flew and it was a very good catch, but even better was to come.

They say catches win matches, and Hyde Heath took three absolute screamers to swing this one decisively our way. Shrimpy got everyone going with a brilliant one-handed leap at cover – his fielding there all day was outstanding. Then, as Southwell continued to go for their shots (encouraged both by my erraticism and our sub-par total) Jez took the catch of the season so far. Another ball from me lobbed up on leg stump and smashed flat and hard towards square leg. A flat six? No! Jez hurtled round to his right and leapt high, to pluck it one-handed out of the air. An absolute bloody blinder.

I then removed one of their dangermen (he'd just smote me for a massive six) with a flat, ripping leg break which knocked back his off-stump, allowing the Heath to close in for the kill. With two overs left, Amala zipped one in, it took the edge of the bat and flew fast and low to Dom, diving forward at 2nd slip – another brilliant catch to seal a hard-fought and highly entertaining match.

Hyde Heath President's Weekend

2010-06-21T05:57:00.000-07:00

A whole weekend of cricket at the Heath – what could possibly be better? Well, it's always nice to take a few wickets or score a few runs I suppose. And guess who did a bit of both? Only bloody me of course.

Saturday saw the Heath take on The President's Invitational XI who this year were a particularly strong outfit. We 'won the toss' and fielded first, but with Ali playing for the President's, Richard and Luke still not at full fitness and Amala unable to make the journey, our bowling was a little light, and it showed. They racked up an impressive 217 on the back of a hard-hitting half-century from Oli Haddock. I took a bit of a pasting early on but then settled into a rhythm to take 6 for 50 as the middle and lower orders perished in the pursuit of quick runs. And that was despite four dropped catches, although one – Nicko diving full stretch at mid-wicket – would have been the snaffle of a lifetime.

Unleash hell; Tim Nutman strikes again

Anyway, it looked like being a tough task, particularly as without Dom Haddock, James Shrimpton, and Amala we were pretty light on batting as well. We needed a good start. And didn't get it. Tim Nutman hit a good length and bowled straight and that seemed to be enough as our top order crumbled. Some were blaming the booze, but Tim did bowl well and, at 30-odd for 6, a draw was all we could hope for. And despite Luke's best efforts, with support from Ben Sonley, we were bowled out with an over to go. A pretty convincing defeat.

On Sunday the Heath took on the might of the Plough (reinforced by Jez as skipper, Henry Capper and Luke). We bowled first (as ever, it seems) and with Brad and Ali finding some swing, they were quickly in trouble. It was left to Capper to grind things out, whilst at the other end Luke played with a combination of class and power to finish unbeaten on 82. There was one back-foot straight drive that was particularly sweet. I dished up two overs of filth (rather resting on my laurels I think) and dropped two catches. The second – a spiralling top-edge off Nutman – involved some rather unsportsmanlike behaviour from Stevens, who yelled “DROP IT!” just as I was about to do so anyway. Really, Jez....

No pain, no gain - cricket literally happens

Anyway, the Plough were all out for 154, and James Shrimpton and I strode out to open the batting. A couple of hours later we wandered back in having knocked off the runs without the loss of a single wicket – an opening stand of 154. Shame it doesn't count for the avergaes.... Shrimpy batted beautifully for his hundred – there were some scorching cover drives and imperious pull shots and it was really ratehr pleasant to simply watch him bat. I pootled along at my usual dour rate, getting to 50 just in time. I managed the odd boundary here and there with a cover drive or a late cut, and that was it. An impressive ten-wicket victory.

A splendid weekend then – good old cricket.

The Misfits vs HHCC

2010-06-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

Much discussion has of late been afoot at the Heath. The corridors of power have been abuzz with intrigue. Nothing less than the very fabric and future of the game has been at stake. The issue? Some – yes, some even from within the mighty Heath itself – have been suggesting that we play limited overs rather than time-based matches. The outrage!

Well hopefully this Sunday's match – away against the Little Missenden Misfits – will put paid to such nonsense. It was an excellent match that neatly showcased the diversity that time-based matches will always have over limited overs. Cricket, perhaps more than any other sport (although probably not), has always had room for different shapes, styles and characters – the dashing aristocratic opener, the dour Durham stone-waller, the lanky paceman, the chubby leg-spinner, the wily old village pro – and it is only in time-based matches that this diversity is truly given the space to express itself.

And Sunday's match demonstrated this nicely – predominantly it has to be said during the Misfits' attempt to save the match. First things first though, and having lost the toss, we racked up a rather hefty 254, thanks in large part to an excellent unbeaten hundred from Henry Capper. Never at his most fluent against the Misfits' slow bowling and slow pitch, Capper nonetheless maintained a sufficient run rate to set up an intimidating score. Nick Burgham also looked in fine touch before being bowled for 35.

At the time the worry was that we'd scored so many that the Misfits would only ever seek the draw and we wouldn't have enough time to push for victory. Such considerations just don't come in to limited overs cricket, where the role of the captain is more formulaic and reactive. In this kind of game, captaincy can win matches, and Charlie's was quite brilliant.

After a brief opening burst with the seamers in which Ali removed one of their openers (and as last week was unlucky not to take three or four wickets), Charlie turned to my leg-spin and asked Brad to bowl his chinamen. The reasoning was that even batsmen dead-set on blocking can't resist the occasional hoick against a well-flighted delivery. And so it proved. Bradley varied his pace and gained appreciable turn to take 5 wickets – his first for the club, and the first time he's bowled spin in a match. Perhaps a future as a spinner beckons? I was less threatening but managed a jammy wicket when the batsman had a heave at a wide long-hop and top edged to Amala who took an excellent running catch at cover.

Talking of excellent catches... I took what can only be termed a screamer, one-handed diving forward from gulley. I don't need to blow my own trumpet (not all the time anyway) so I'll give you instead Tim Barnsley's description. He said I looked rather like a dotty old dowager stumbling desperately forwards so as not to spill any of her vintage champagne. And succeeding. Thanks Tim, you old twat.

Anyway, with the batsmen beginning to look comfortable against the spinners and with time running out fast, Charlie made an inspired decision by telling Amala to resort to pace. In four balls he took the last two wickets, detonating the stumps each time, and the match was won with an over to spare. Tactical, intriguing and showcasing far more than just tidy line-and-length seam-up boredom with a ring field, this was village cricket at its best. And we won – which made it all the better.

HHCC vs The Misfits

2010-06-07T06:09:00.000-07:00

Usually Cack Awards are awarded to an individual on the basis of an individual balls-up – an embarrassingly easy dropped catch for example, or being called Atif – but yesterday's match against The Misfits made a persuasive case for the awarding of a Cack Award to the entire team.

With the exception of Captain Charlie, Dom Haddock and Henry Capper, our fielding was universally diabolical. The Misfits batted first, and out of a total of 170, I reckon we gave away about 40 runs through appalling ground-fielding alone. I dived over two that went to the boundary, Ali barely moved for anything, Will and Ben let numerous shots through their legs and Brad gave away four overthrows with a shy at the stumps that went horribly wild. Basically we were terrible.

Dom places one through the leg side

After a really stodgy start – in which Jez was tidy and Ali unlucky not to take more than a solitary wicket, so often did he beat the bat – the Misfits' innings began to gather momentum. Richard Austin's off-breaks were expensive (mainly due to our shocking fielding), I didn't bowl very well and Ali's return spell was costly.

But with a flat old pitch and against a fairly average bowling attack, 170 didn't look like too much of an ask, especially if we got a decent start. Which we did. Haddock made a quick-fire 44 before skying one to long-on, and Capper batted through for a sensibly aggressive 73. I made 27 quite calmly before getting bored and having a hoick, and Brad finished things off in style with a six. We won by 8 wickets. Job done.

Me blocking

May at the Heath

2010-06-02T01:53:00.000-07:00

Gosh it's been quiet on Cricket Tragics recently – my sincere apologies. I spent 16th May gorging on Michelin starred food and living like a lord at the rather splendid Brocket Hall, while back at the Heath it rained a bit and we won.

30th May I was in Hay-on-Wye pretending to be clever by going to the Hay Literary Festival, and in between times I was controversially rested, in accordance with the Hyde Heath rotation policy. Although it's been in effect for some years, the 2010 season is really seeing a step up in the implementation of this strategy. As we all know, player burn-out is a serious issue affecting today's village cricketers, particularly with the the increased schedules and the intensity with which the game is now played (I can't believe I'm no longer allowed to sit and smoke on the bench at the backward point boundary).

Anyway, we also beat Warner's End (whoever they are) and I assume we beat Ley Hill (but I'm still awaiting confirmation). Needless to say, I'm bloody raring to go for this Sunday's grudge match against, um, TBC.

Nicko plays through the, gasp, off side.

HHCC vs The Lee

2010-05-10T05:35:00.000-07:00

Cancelled because The Lee couldn't raise a team. Pathetic.

London Exhibitions.

Bullseye.

HHCC vs Chartridge

2010-05-04T04:53:00.000-07:00

Rained off. Nice one, weather.

HHCC vs HHCC

2010-04-26T05:43:00.000-07:00

Ah cricket. Ah England. Two weeks of solid sun, and when it comes to the much anticipated curtain raiser to the Hyde Heath 2010 season, what happens? It bloody rains. But we're a tough breed down at the Heath and a wee bit of second innings rain was never going to stop us getting our cricket on.

With the final of the third IPL being screened in the evening, there was definitely a sense that some of the glamour of that tournament had rubbed off on the Heath. Everyone arrived pretty much on time, Jez, Richard and Napes were all nursing injuries (just like Sachin Tendulkar), and we even had a couple of overseas players in the form of Tim's Australian friend (whose name at this moment escapes me) and hotly-tipped Sri Lankan all-rounder Amala (exact spelling to be confirmed).

Me batting

The format of this match is always a slightly unusual one. Two teams of ten Heath players aside face up to each other. In one corner Charlie's Spitfires (captained by stalwart Heath skipper Charlie Samuels) and in the other, Capper's Cavaliers, led by Henry “MS Dhoni” Capper, in a particularly smart retro HHCC baggy blue, dating from Robin's playing days some years ago. The match was to be 40 overs per innings, with a maximum of 8 overs per bowler. Batsmen were allowed a life until they reached 10, and had to retire at 50.

Richard Cousins takes a low catch at 1st slip

And so to the cricket. Somebody won the toss, and we (the Spitfires) batted first. Haddock and Simms got us off to a good start, and Amala continued the good work, driving wristily and picking the gaps at will. If we can get over the fact that it really is quite a trek for Amala to travel from Walthamstow every Sunday, we could have a pretty serious top order this year.

And then, the moment they'd all been waiting for: I strode to the crease, feeling in no form at all. After using up my life top edging a first-ball mow off Richard Austin (bowling off breaks today) I Settled down to score a pretty scratchy half century. Mistimed drives for one were interspersed with the odd pull shot and edge to third man, in a characteristically dour innings. In my defence, Ali, Nick and Rich all bowled extremely well and I was pretty pleased just to battle it out until told to retire. Shame it doesn't count for the averages...

Captain and President survey conditions

After some powerful striking by Brad at the death, we made it up to 193, a competitive total we thought. Rain, however, brought reduced overs and target and it all got a bit confusing. But suffice to say that I bowled rubbish, Capper and Nick both made runs in quick time, and we lost fairly comfortably.

Hey ho, it was nice to get the season started, see everybody again, and to be told by Richard Austin that my new haircut apparently makes me look like George Orwell. Ah the Heath.

What the Mighty Heath could learn from Team England

2010-03-30T06:27:00.000-07:00

Two apologies are due: firstly for the extreme quietness of Cricket Tragics over the winter. We've been in hibernation. And secondly for taking a month to post this piece. It comes from Mr J Capper, Hyde Heath Chairman, umpire, and stalwart buyer of rounds in the Plough, so really our tardiness is inexcusable. Sorry JC!

I have been lucky enough to be in Johannesburg watching the 4th and final Test between England and the “Proteas”, as they are now called, from the first ball on Thursday, 14th January to the last on Sunday, 17th. It’s the first game for many years, other than at Hyde Heath, that I have watched from first ball to last and there were a number of rather interesting comparisons. I just wondered whether any of the differences could be the catalyst to the Heath turning into the team they would like to be – or maybe not.

First thing: as we were getting up for breakfast there was a wailing of police sirens, the like of which suggested, at the very least, a major bank robbery, and reinforcing our concerns regarding crime in Jo’burg. Actually it was the England team coach and the escort heading to the ground, crossing all the red lights, and arriving 1 ½ hours before the scheduled toss. Now Atif might have mistakenly jumped a red light, but probably on his evening job, delivering pizzas rather than arriving in a rush to be early, but certainly no-one, other than Charlie, our captain, ever arrived that early before a start. Actually, Jeremy, who lives closer to the ground than anyone else – his house could be used as a boundary marker – usually arrives some time after the teams have taken the field. Not that useful if we’re fielding, as he is one of our opening bowlers! So, the England team arrived early and then started stretching and “warming up”. Not usually seen at the Heath, but there was some familiarity in practicing slip-catching before the game, different only because there was no delay looking for the ball in the nettles every three attempts.

Once the match starts, the teams run (yes, run) onto the pitch with the captain leading (and, even he was running, not hobbling) everyone else following closely, no-one is still smoking and they all seem to go straight to their correct fielding places – they all even seem to know from which end the first over will be bowled and. they don’t have to re-adjust the clock for a delayed start.

Once the game is under way there are a lot of similarities. Probably, the way the ball seemed to be bowled so much faster was down to being so high above sea-level and not any reflection on the fitness of our opening attack. The players on the boundary remember to stop signing autographs in time to walk in for the next ball. Everyone remembers to walk in apart from some excessive players who ran in – every ball. The ball kept on being thrown back to the keeper – not, however, to the left, right or high above him. Each throw was backed-up – and usually stopped. There was an interesting ploy of catching the ball as it traveled back to the bowler, I had always assumed our tactics of dropping it as it was passed round, caused one side to get roughened up slightly quicker...

Strangely, there was no sign of sulking or throwing toys out of the pram when a bowler was taken off, nor did we see any bat-throwing despite some strange decisions. None of the players looked like they were only picked because their wife was making the tea or because their dad was Chairman, Alright, the Barmy Army did make a lot of noise but the WAGs at the Heath aren’t that quiet, particularly as the evening wears on. The only other unusual detail – no-one wore black socks!

Could the “Mighty Heath” learn from this? Probably not; after all, in spite of the early arrival, the keenness in the field and the correct attire, they still lost. Badly.

HHCC vs Bank of England

2009-09-01T02:08:00.000-07:00

A pretty straightforward victory over the Bank of England touring team on Sunday ensured an enjoyable Bank Holiday weekend for everyone at the Heath.

In slightly chilly and overcast conditions, stand-in skipper Henry Capper won the toss and elected to field. In Jez’s absence our opening attack consisted of Luke Brennan and James Aird. Luke, in particular, bowled as rapidly as anyone on our team has for years. Sticking to a good line and getting some sharp bounce from a hard, flat wicket he troubled all of their top order. At the other end, Airdy bowled an expensive opening over but soon found his rhythm. Two excellent reflex catches by Capper and an inside edge onto the stumps meant the Bank were three down with about 40 on the board and we were into their middle order.

Brad strikes

Brad and I then bowled in tandem for the next hour or so, taking three wickets each to knock over the Bank for around about 140. I bowled probably the best I’ve bowled all season early on, landing it on a good length and getting appreciable turn and bounce – I even landed a googly and it turned! One dismissal was particularly satisfying: the ball pitched on about leg or middle and leg, the batsman played defensively half-forward, the ball ripped across him, taking the edge to be very well caught by Anouj low down at slip. A real dismissal, like on the telly!

Me Bowling

There were a few entertaining moments as I began to tire and drop short. Nick, fielding on the cover boundary, failed to stop a succession of cut shots, much to his own bemusement. Then I slipped a rank wide down the leg-side which Capper failed to stop. The batsmen went for a quick single. Brad picked up at short fine leg and fizzed the ball in. A direct hit! Surely the batsman was out? But their umpire said no, and the ball cannoned away to the boundary. 6 wides then: that’s got to be a first.

Capper batting

After tea, Capper and Shrimpton opened up and put together a solid partnership, before Shrimpy was LBW. Nick then provided the late fireworks with some beefy hitting as we reached the target one down before even reaching the 20 overs to go mark. With Capper in fine form for his unbeaten 74 we probably could have chased 300.

The Bank’s players – as is their wont – then got dressed up in fancy dress. With a theme of ‘something beginning with G’ there were some great outfits – gangsters, gladiators, gays and even God. With singing and dancing until closing time, the Plough didn’t know what had hit it...

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

2009-08-24T03:44:00.000-07:00

Back in July when Henry Capper dropped an absolute dolly against Chesham Bois, I wrote “Surely this year’s Cack Award is in the bag?” After Sunday’s loss away to Ivinghoe & Pitstone, that may well have to be reconsidered. I emerged as a serious contender for the award by dropping two (or, according to Richard Austin, 3) moderately straightforward catches at long-on. The sun was at a pretty tricky angle though…

At least I had earlier contributed to the team cause by taking a rather good catch, running and then diving forward at mid-wicket. In a rare limited overs game for the Heath, I had also bowled tidily to record figures of 2 for 18 from my allocated 8 overs – both wickets plum LBW. Capper, on the other hand, reasserted his hold over the coveted Cack Award with a performance of masterful incompetence. Waiting at the Plough before heading off, I received a call to say that he had just woken up, under an hour before we were due to start, in Hackney. When he did eventually arrive, about 30 overs into the match, he kicked off with two terrible throws from the outfield, both leading to overthrows, and was then out, caught at mid-off for single figures. Classy.

Despite all this, the Heath started well. We had the opposition 45 for 5 after they had won the toss and elected to bat. But from here our fielding disintegrated and we allowed them to finish on 174, with their young left-hander scoring one of the worst 50s I’ve seen in a while. In all, we dropped eight catches – Nick two caught and bowled chances (one was admittedly very tough), Dom two behind the stumps (and he failed to collect the ball for a run-out), Airdy one running backwards at point, Jez a sitter off me at mid-on, and of course my two (or three) at long-on.

Our top order then made a meal of the run-chase and before long we were about 35 for 5 with myself and Nick at the crease. We proceeded to forge a partnership of 103, with Nick playing some fantastic shots, none better than a gloriously timed straight six back over the head of their off-spinner. We ran well between the wickets and I simply sought to give Nick as much of the strike as possible. With about 35 needed off 6 (I think) I was bowled for 36, cutting one that kept low and the match was very much in the balance.

Nick then took their other off-spinner to the cleaners, with some clean hitting over mid wicket and with 14 needed off 18 balls surely the match was ours for the taking. But then their opening bowler returned to bowl his last over. He started by clean bowling James Aird for 0, but when Brad struck him beautifully through mid on for 4, we were surely home and dry?

Alas, no. Brad was bowled off the penultimate ball and Jez was then cleaned up first ball, the last of the over. Charlie strode out, needing only to give Nick the strike. Their medium-pacer bowled a clever slower ball, Charlie played down the wrong line and was bowled – another Heath duck. We were all out 8 runs short, with Nick left unbeaten on 93. It was a pretty poor team performance in an exciting match: Nick’s innings was brilliant, and we really let him down.

But we won the Ashes, and that’s all that really matters.

HHCC vs Gamecocks

2009-08-17T02:12:00.000-07:00

Apologies to all our many fans for the quietness of Cricket Tragics of late: there’s nothing like a thrashing in the Ashes to quash our enthusiasm for writing. I also had to attend a wedding last weekend and therefore missed my first Hyde Heath match of the season – by all accounts it was an eventful day, with a first-rate strop from Richard Austin and Henry Capper given out LBW by his dad.

But it was good for me to get some time away from the game and the gruelling schedule that all HHCC stalwarts must deal with. I had some time to really think about my cricket and come back stronger than ever. Well sort of. We won the toss (again) and elected to field (again). Austin and Jez kept things tight against a rather shotless opening pair before Jez struck with what was described as the one good delivery of his spell.

James Shrimpton on the attack- or is he caught & bowled?

After a bit, Charlie signalled to me to get loose. As I began to do some half-hearted stretching and think vaguely about how best to disguise my long-hop, Nick bowled a leg stump full toss that was fairly drilled to me close in and behind square on the leg side. First thought: “that’s seriously travelling – get the bloody hell out the way!” Second: “maybe I should make a token effort to catch this”. Third: “Oh Christ, I’ve only gone and caught it!” The poor old batsman didn’t realise how unlucky he was.

But he was about to... After that moment of glory it was my turn to bowl. The first delivery was a gently looping low full toss which the batsman hit straight back at me. I was so excited about the prospect of taking two catches in as many overs that I promptly dropped it. A sitter. Shortly afterwards I bowled the same ball to the same batsman who played the same shot with the same result. Another bloody simple drop. Oh dear. I also missed a fairly simple run out not long after...

Anyway, I carried on wheeling away with surprising accuracy and a little dip and turn. After about ten overs though, I began to wonder if I’d ever get a wicket. Well I did. As Gamecocks began to search for quick runs their shots became increasingly desperate and I finished with 4 for 39 from 15 overs. Bloody exhausted.

So Gamecocks finished with 136 and Dom Haddock and Henry Capper set about destroying their bowling. Haddock was particularly brutal, punishing anything over- or under-pitched on his way to 67 off 40 balls. He hit three sixes, one of which – flat over square leg – was a real cracker. We lost a couple of wickets towards the end but reached the target three down inside 19 overs to seal a comprehensive victory.

HHCC Marine Tour, Kent 2009

2009-08-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

Tour time! This year Captain Matt Simms had declared a marine theme, and recruited an able crew to man the good ship Heath and take on the might of Kent’s cricketing villages. The various vessels arrived in Meopham in time for a spot of overpriced lunch at the aptly-named Long Hop. And then, we were ready to rumble.

The oppo won the toss and invited us to have a bat. For some reason I was asked to open the innings alongside Henry Capper, but the experiment failed when I got a leading edge to cover and was dismissed without scoring. No matter though, as Capper, James Shrimpton and Will Reynolds all registered half-centuries to take the Heath to a respectable 223 off our 40 overs. Will’s peppering of the third man and fine leg boundaries more than made up for a stolid passage in which Ben Sonley ground his way to 12 from 42 balls. In the closing overs the quest for quick runs produced some amusing moments – in particular, ducks from Atif, bowled having a wild heave, and Captain Simms, stumped by a 14 year-old keeper off the bowling of a 12 year-old.

Meopham started brightly, but their hard-hitting, gum-chewing Aussie opener was dismissed courtesy of a stinging return catch by Jez, and the Heath sensed their chance. Richard Austin bowled his allocated overs off the reel and, finding an immaculate length and zipping it both ways off the pitch, finished with the outstanding figures of 5 for 19 to break the back of the Meopham innings. At the other end, Shrimpy followed up his 50 with three wickets and we bowled them out for 103 – our first victory against Meopham at the third attempt. Credit, unusually, must go to Atif (Keith) “Scrappy Doo” Mirza who took a very good catch diving forward to partly atone for his earlier batting.

The marine theme guaranteed some interesting awards in the post-match ceremony. We were all given fish badges, the three batsmen who registered 0 were awarded rubber ducks to wear, and Will was honoured with a Shark Head award for ruthlessly edging the ball behind square all day. Then the evening saw our return to the scene of so much amusement last year – namely Lashings. But, to our disappointment, the outdoor beanbags had been removed – apparently they had gone mouldy, or something. We also forwent the usual expensive dinner in favour of takeaway from a rather insalubrious kebab shop, in which some local crackhead repeatedly asked us about the exact spelling of the word “circumcised”. God bless Maidstone...

The next day saw us prepare to take on the mighty Harvel, who we somehow beat last year (courtesy of a great spell from Ritchie and some excellent batting from Keith Mirza and, um, me...) Anyway, this year we were running rather late, thanks to some poorly functioning alarm clocks and Matt’s erratic navigating. The game was 50 overs this time and we decided to bat first – mainly, as Matt realised, because nobody was really in a fit state to take the field. The skipper opened the batting with Capper and the two of them ground out a really attritional opening stand. At one stage we were 16 without loss from 10 overs. Riveting stuff – so much so that Richard Austin, scoring at the time, had to call for a knife, his pencil blunted by a seemingly endless succession of dots.

Matt’s eventual departure was followed by Shrimpy’s – pulling a long-hop to a diving mid-wicket – and I joined Capper at the crease, our aim to bat until lunch. That we duly did, courtesy of some good batting from Capper and some characteristically tedious blocking from yours truly. Lunch was a delicious curry and that – or my dismissal of last night’s booze into the ladies loos (sorry!) – gave the innings a bit of impetus. I pulled the first ball after lunch for four and hit a few boundaries off their Sri Lankan leg-spinner, but was then stumped for 41 with about 8 overs to go.

That actually worked out rather well as James Aird and Richard Austin then attacked in fine style. Airdy made 40 in double-quick time, including some beefy hits for 6. We finished then with 207. Was it to be enough?

In short, no. But before their innings even started, I was on my way back to the pavilion nursing a cut cheek and black eye thanks to their opening batsmen. As I was placing the bail on the stump, he decided to use his bat to hit the stump more firmly into the ground, and instead cracked me in the face. It bloody hurt, but was obviously rather hilarious as well, so sympathy was pretty minimal. Oh well.

We dismissed their openers quickly, but that proved to be a mistake as Sri Lankan overseas player Dhushantha Ranatunga proceeded to dismantle our bowling attack with grace, timing and precision placement. Airdy bowled splendidly to at least force the odd defensive stroke, but once he’d reached 50, Rana gave him the charge, donked the ball over the sightscreen for 6, and promptly retired.

The remaining batsmen were equally murderous, if less attractive, and myself, Keith Mirza and Ritchie (crocked after yesterday’s exertions) came in for some fearful tap. Keith went at 10 an over and Ritchie’s six balls cost 14, including a hilarious misfield from Keith at fine-leg. The ball was rolling gently towards him, but a couple of young children were accidentally standing in the way. Instead of walking round them and picking the ball up, Keith calmly stood and watched as it dribbled over the boundary for 4. Cue an apoplectic exchange between the bowler and Scrappy Doo. One only hopes the children were out of earshot by that stage...

Anyway, Harvel knocked off the runs in 25 overs, which left us plenty of time for boozing and a game of one-hand-one-bounce. Exactly as last year, Atif demonstrated his poor sportsmanship by continuously refusing to walk. Our catching though was excellent – if only it had been the same in the real cricket.

That evening, disappointed by Lashings’ lack of beanbags, we headed to the Maidstone Wetherspoon’s for some well-earned binge-drinking. Somehow Capper managed to place himself in charge of the whip – even the barmaid asked us why we had entrusted out money with that guy – but a load of tequila later, nobody was too bothered.

Friday then dawned bright and fair and we spent an enjoyable morning watching Australia’s batsmen capitulate against the swinging ball at Edgbaston. Might that be an omen of things to come against Pett’s Wood? Well, maybe.

Matt lost the toss and we were again invited to bat. Capper’s third opening partner in as many matches was Scrappy Doo, attempting to make up for two consecutive tour ducks, which he did, kind of: off the mark with a wild heave that went down to third man for 4, and bowled essaying a similar shot an over or so later. The Heath innings was dominated by 75 from Shrimpton who had earlier run out Capper for 21. The fact that he had told me the over before that a run out might be on the cards suggests perhaps the competition for the batting cup is getting pretty cut-throat this season.

Richard Austin also made a hard-hitting unbeaten 36 down the order, but it was Sohail, representing the Heath for the first time this season, who really caught the eye. His 53 included some seriously meaty blows, none bigger than a massive six into someone’s garden a good 30 yards over the long-on boundary. All of which helped us to a pretty solid 235 all out, and with a strong bowling line-up we were confident of forcing victory.

I opened the bowling from the pavilion end and Sohail and Airdy did the work from the other end. Sohail took 2 wickets, before I got into the action, yorking one of their players. And then, the turning point: a triple wicket maiden for yours truly. The first one dipped quite sharply, turned a fraction and took leg stump, the second was a rank long hop that the batsman miscued straight back at me – caught and bowled. The new batsman managed to keep out a vicious leg-side full toss to avert the hat-trick, but then thumped another half-tracker, this time way down the leg-side, straight to Airdy at short fine leg. Oh dear, what an over.

I continued to dish up a load of twaddle and for a minute it looked like Pett’s Wood might escape with the draw, but Jez came on and took the last wicket to finally dismiss them for 132. A convincing victory that made up for last year’s lacklustre defeat, and meant we finished the tour with a creditable 2-1 win/loss ratio. And so to the pub again; for some final awards, fines, and massive thanks from all to Matt for organising yet another splendid tour.

World Exclusive! The 26.5 yard pitch!

2009-08-03T08:37:00.001-07:00

Thank God for the internet, huh? In times of yore, if one’s story was suppressed by mainstream media outlets, the options were pretty limited: you could print your own pamphlets (costly), wear a be-sloganed sandwich-board around London town (and risk being deemed a crackpot) or simply keep schtum. Well not any more!

Cricket Tragics have been in contact with a certain member of Hyde Heath cricket club who has had his story suppressed for nearly 3 years now. It was never published on the official HHCC website due to behind-the-scenes political double-dealings, but now, at last, the truth will out! Cricket Tragics spearheads the fight for freedom!

Reproduced below is the letter that has caused all the trouble.

Sir,

I would like to report what I believe is a first in the normally not-very-cutthroat world of village cricket.

Early this season, I turned out as is my wont for the village of Hyde Heath in a friendly match against the normally very friendly local village of Chartridge. We lost the toss and the opposition elected to bat on a track which our groundsman had covered with our newly-acquired plastic sheeting (aka “covers”) at 7.30 that morning, displaying a meteorological prescience which would have shamed Bill Fish.

It rained “halberds” as the French say until just before the scheduled start time of 2.00 but we were able to remove our covers and start play on time on a wicket which was dry and bouncy.

Being the first match of the season, there was a certain inevitability that our opening duo who are unplayable by mid-August, should display some rustiness, characterised by an apparent inability to land the ball in the batsman’s half of the wicket. This tactic, apparently intentional, elicited from the opposing batsmen a degree of aggression quite out of keeping with a so-called friendly match.

The bowlers continued to bowl very short, the batsmen repeatedly dispatched the ball to all corners of the lush early season outfield and the score was well into the 20s after only 15 minutes or so. Dissent began to grow in the Hyde Heath camp. Our captain was known to have imbibed injudiciously the previous evening, our 11th man’s fielding revealed that he had never visited a cricket field before, our keeper was taking the ball on the second bounce and our widely acclaimed team spirit was beginning to falter. Matters came to a head when 2nd slip, our self-appointed senior pro, provocatively challenged the captain to “get a grip of his bowlers”.

At this point your humble correspondent, having witnessed proceedings from the vantage point of first slip, reached a trial conclusion: the wicket was too long. Nature has blessed me with a natural one-yard stride and I was able to ascertain by dint of measured pacing that the pitch was not one, not even three but a full 4.5 yards longer than it should be, an excess in excess of 20%!

Imagine: a cold April day, an over-wintered bowler no longer in the first flush of youth seeking to build up to a full 63mph and finding that he is unable to land the ball anywhere near the opposing batsman and then discovering that our Chairman, an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist with apparent aspirations to be a pitch inspector, abetted by our normally competent groundsman, had conspired to create a Frankenstein monster of a pitch fully 26.5 yards long.

The bald facts of the case are that we re-measured the pitch, re-drew the creases, allowed the visitors the benefit of their good fortune and hung on for a draw. The deeper and alarming truth is that two teams of professed enthusiasts of the summer game plus two seasoned umpires failed to spot the travesty.

Is this an indictment of the falling standards which beset our society more widely; or was something more sinister at work, perhaps some form of mass hypnosis? Ball-tampering is one thing, but pitch-tampering! How would Darrell Hair have addressed such a threat? The longer-term ramifications are still unclear, but one feels that our beloved game is in peril. This matter is a long way from over.

20 September 2006

Name withheld by the editors of Cricket Tragics

Bourne End vs HHCC

2009-08-03T02:52:00.001-07:00

Apologies can only be offered to the cricketing gods for one of the most boring matches I’ve played in for quite some time. With 6 of the team still tired from tour (full report here) the Heath were understandably a little lethargic, and matters were not really helped by a tricksy but sluggish Bourne End pitch and painfully slow outfield.

Charlie won the toss and we elected to field. Airdy, Shrimpton and Jez all bowled well on a seaming pitch, but their top order batted sensibly, keeping wickets in hand in order to take on the change bowlers. Myself, Tim Barnsley and Simon Napier-Munn all went for runs, and although wickets began to fall, Bourne End’s final total of 158 always looked a daunting one given the conditions.

It looked even more daunting when, faced with accurate bowling and excellent catching, our top order completely collapsed. I walked out at 35 for 5, and we were soon 7 down after I ran out Tim Barnsley (I still think it was his fault!) and Spencer spliced one to the slips. James Aird strode to the crease looking confident and we decided to grind the hell out them.

Which, apart from a particularly sweet straight six from Airdy, is exactly what we did. I scored a particularly dreary 5 from 44 balls before being bowled by a full-length away-swinger. Jez was then castled two balls later, and it was left to Airdy and Charlie “The Wall” Samuels to block out the last 4 overs and secure the dullest of draws. Sorry, Cricket!

Finally on the field for the Ashes

2009-07-31T03:24:00.000-07:00

Some incredulity greeted the selection of Shane Watson to open at Edgbaston, in view of his 4 ducks in 6 innings opening for Queensland and his Test average of 19.76, but his 62 yesterday (before being dismissed to Onions' first ball today) can have failed to please only the most partisan of English supporters.

With an injury list to rival Andrew Flintoff's in length and surpass it in variety - shoulder, calf, back, hamstring and food poisoning (he mistook it for a heart attack) have all caused him to miss matches - it's good to see him even make it onto the field. Add to that the fact that, at Cardiff, he spent longer signing autographs than any other sportsman that I've ever seen and I wasn't that unhappy to see him milk some pretty mediocre English bowling.

Watson on his usual side of the boundary rope

What remains to be seen is whether he can secure himself an opening or, more likely, top 6 Test berth longer term, injuries permitting of course.

Edgbaston - final preview

2009-07-29T13:27:00.000-07:00

Plenty of predictions are being made about Thursday's Edgbaston Test - that there will be problems starting the game (because of a water-logged outfield), problems continuing it (because of the rain forecast) and problems bringing it to a positive conclusion (because the pitch is a bowler's graveyard) - but, after the vast swing in the sides' fortunes between Cardiff and Lord's, it is impossible to know what next to expect this Ashes summer.

My feeling at both Cardiff and Lord's was that England's batting was careless and vulnerable, but they have topped 400 in each 1st innings: no disaster. And one change to a bowling attack that had struggled to take 6 wickets in 180 overs at Cardiff enabled them to take all 20 in 170 at Lord's. Sure, the overcast conditions helped Anderson to swing the ball in the 1st innings but Hughes, Haddin, Johnson, Katich and North all fell to attempted hooks and pulls. A strange series, then, so far.

In my book, the toss is a crucial one: if Ponting, a bad 'Punter' at Cardiff and Lord's, can make it 3rd time lucky and Australia get first use of an Edgbaston featherbed, they may be able to exert some proper first innings pressure on England's batting line-up, with particular question marks, to my mind, lingering over Ravi Bopara (clearly struggling for form in the Lord's 2nd innings), Ian Bell and Matt Prior. Prior's 2 Test centuries have both been scored against the West Indies and both were the 3rd of the England innings; it is one thing playing cameos with a declaration looming, quite another proving yourself a number 6 under pressure.

A similar argument can be deployed against Ian Bell, whose 8 Test centuries have always been the 2nd, at least, of the innings in which they were scored. That could potentially be misleading - accusations levelled at Bell that he has often 'slipstreamed' Kevin Pietersen show a lack of understanding of the differences between their batting styles - but his conversion rate of 8 centuries from 27 fifties (similar to Cook's 9 from 29, contrast Strauss 18 from 32, KP 16 from 31) is a poor one, a statistic that does not lie.

So make sure you're tuned in at about 10.45 tomorrow - if play is to start on time - since Andrew Strauss' flip of the coin could perhaps be a crucial one.

Breaking America?

2009-07-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

Several months ago (see my March 26th post), I was excited to read of a planned American Premier League (APL) Twenty20 tournament to be held in New York in October. That particular tournament is now unlikely to go ahead, but the US cricket association has, unlike the APL’s organisers, received backing from the ICC (cricket’s main governing body) and is now in search of suitable partnerships to bring about the event.

Watch this space (as ever!), but don’t hold your breath even if sponsors and broadcasters are found. As Mike Atherton explained in a particularly fine Times column back in April, cricket’s best chance to become the big American sport came in the mid-19th century, when it rivalled baseball for popularity with clubs in 22 states. Once the rules of baseball were formalised in 1857 and the game spread to the South in the 1860s' Civil War, however, it grew rapidly. In 1905, the Mills Commission – set up to ascertain baseball’s origins – established the myth that it was a purely American invention, rather than evolving from (English) rounders, and it has been the US national sport ever since.

Cricket, by contrast, was marginalised and kept alive primarily by English, Indian and West Indian expats. Businessmen such as Sir Allen Stanford have attempted to create a market, but there has been little or no success as yet. In Joseph O'Neill's novel, Netherland, the dodgy Trinidadian entrepreneur, Chuck Ramkissoon, dreams of staging an international tournament in New York, but it remains a dream or, in O'Neill's words, "a metaphor for the boundaries of American perception." It is no accident that the hero of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby, often termed the great American novel, has a business connection with the man said to have fixed baseball's 1919 World Series.

Turville Park vs HHCC

2009-07-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

Good Lord, it’s nearly the end of July and time for our first away match of the season. How would Hyde Heath fare more than a hundred yards from The Plough? Well, reasonably well actually. The opposition were Turville Park and their ground really is beautiful (apparently it’s Jeremy Paxman’s favourite) - it was just a shame the weather was so glum.

Hyde Heath’s skipper for the day was Matt Simms, no doubt easing himself back in to the job before the challenges of Tour. He won the toss and, following in the footsteps of all the Heath greats, elected to field.

With overcast conditions and a brand new cherry we expected early wickets and, despite a rather depleted bowling attack, we were not disappointed. Jez bowled beautifully – he was accurate, canny and extracted just enough movement to trouble all the batsmen. His 5 wicket haul broke the back of the Turville innings. And there were some memorable dismissals: he set up one quality-looking player with two in-swingers before getting one to hold its line and clip the off-bail. Another batsman was completely deceived by a slower-ball off-cutter, which then darted back to bowl him through the gate.

At the other end James Shrimpton provided excellent support and was unlucky not to take more than two wickets. As so often, I came on at the end and picked up a cheap tail-end wicket - a nicely flighted leg-break that lured the batsman into the drive, turned a bit and lobbed to gulley. Before you laugh though, this fellow wasn’t just some hapless 10 year-old. He was probably about 75, and utterly shotless.

We then made a meal of chasing the target of 95, with Dom, Will, Tim Barnsley and me all perishing to pretty average shots. At least Tim had anchored things with 24 before top-edging their leg-spinner to cover. Shrimpy continued his good match with a sensible innings, without which the Heath may have struggled. His driving off the back foot was particularly brilliant, combining technique with some serious power.

Controversy came when Anooj was struck on the boot before he’d scored. I, umpiring at the time, had no problems with giving it out, but he was less than impressed. Oh well, a beer later and all was forgotten (I hope!) So the Heath scraped home by two wickets. Next stop, Tour!

Australia's Edgbaston selection

2009-07-27T04:53:00.000-07:00

For the first time in quite a while in an Ashes Test build-up, Australia are wrestling with more difficult selection quandaries than England, who can only wait upon the results of Andrew Flintoff’s various painkilling injections (if Flintoff isn’t fit, Stuart Broad’s batting definitely puts him ahead of Harmison, though he is an almost certain pick anyway). The Australians, by contrast, have serious question marks over the two great success stories of their series win in South Africa, the prodigy Phillip Hughes and the man of that series, Mitchell Johnson.

Johnson’s radar went completely awol on the first morning at Lord’s, putting Australia on the back foot for much of the rest of the game, whilst Hughes has had some problems on that back foot against deliveries into the body from top fast bowlers such as Andrew Flintoff, Steve Harmison and, err, David Wigley of Northamptonshire. Johnson’s travails are the more worrying, especially since his yips continued at Northampton, where he went for nearly 6 an over and took just one (tail-end) wicket. Hughes did score second innings runs and has, as far as I’m concerned, had only one bad match at Test level – having scored Test runs against the likes of Makhaya Ntini, Morne Morkel and Dale Steyn, he can't be that vulnerable against the short ball.

If the Australian selectors choose to back Johnson, though, it would be quite a risk to do so as part of a 4-man attack, which makes Shane Watson that bit more likely to play in the top order (probably in Hughes’ place). If Stuart Clark (23 overs, 4-74 at Northampton) replaces Johnson, the team will probably remain otherwise unchanged. I’d definitely make that change, mindful of Clark’s vice-like hold over Alistair Cook and Andrew Strauss in 2006-7, but Tim Nielsen has remained bullish in backing Johnson. Surely they won’t actually keep the same team, though? Let me know your thoughts!

Pen portraits - Shahid Afridi

2009-07-23T13:30:00.001-07:00

Photos of Shahid Afridi at the crease tend to show the vast follow through of his bat over his shoulder, its arc often sufficient to lift him a little off the ground. The power of the village blacksmith is twinned with a surprising litheness of foot that takes the scythes of his bat beyond the merely agricultural and gives them the mark of the trained assassin. And he bowls well too. A bewildering variety of leg breaks and his trademark quicker deliveries, all delivered with a frenetic action that wouldn't be out of place in a school playground.

This last image neatly captures an aspect of Afridi's appeal. Born in the tribal areas of Pakistan near the Afghan border - his tribe is a powerful one - he first burst onto the international scene at the age of 16 back in 1996 with this spectacular 37-ball hundred against Sri Lanka, the fastest ever in internationals, and has retained the boyish exuberance in his game ever since.

It can't be easy knowing that you're unlikely to better something you achieved at 16 (though he has also hit a 45-ball hundred against India, also on youtube) and Afridi has been a bit of an enigma ever since, not helped by the constant infighting surrounding Pakistani team selection. It is testament to the man management skills of the late Bob Woolmer that, as Pakistan coach, he was able to coax the best out of Afridi in Test cricket, with consecutive centuries against India in 2006 following fine performances against England that winter - in the 2nd Test, he scored 92 at over a run a ball and took 4-95.

Yet that Test also saw him incur a ban following his bizarre decision to scuff up the pitch with the world's TV cameras watching. More than once he has announced and then rescinded his retirement from various forms of the game and he often seems to have strange ideas about where his strengths lie. In the last year or so, he decided he was primarily a spinner and best used down the order in one-dayers - when he was moved up to No.3 for the semi-final and final of the Twenty20 World Championship earlier this summer, he promptly produced match-winning 50s. The striking thing about his innings in the final was quite how measured it was, quite how carefully tailored to the match situation, quite how un-Afridi.

Is this, then, to be the beginning of the mature phase of Afridi's career? For the moment, characteristically, he's keeping us guessing, taking a fortnight's leave instead of playing in the Sri Lanka Test series. That, though, is one reason that 'Boom Boom', as he's known, is so exciting: you never know what's coming next, boom or bust.

Lord's - some photos and a very little history

2009-07-15T08:03:00.000-07:00

The next stop in this Ashes series that you may just have heard about lately is Lord's, the 'home of cricket', which, since you ask, is St John's Wood, NW8. In the spirit of evangelism, I thought that I might put a few photos of the ground up and maybe even write a little bit about it to try to give some idea of what all the fuss is about.

The pavilion in pre-season serenity

Cricket has been played on this pitch since 1814, when the wine merchant and entrepreneur Thomas Lord moved the Marylebone Cricket Club, or MCC (formerly of Dorset Square, NW1 and White Conduit Fields, N1), to St John's Wood.

The MCC, founded in 1787, had shortly after established a Code of Laws for the game of cricket (as it did for lawn tennis just under a century later), very necessary in view of the sums aristocrats of the time were gambling upon it. It became and remained for a long time the game's central administrative body as its laws were adopted throughout the country, the empire and the world (though attempts to break the American market continue to meet obstacles).

In view of this history, it is perhaps not surprising that the club built up quite a reputation for stuffiness, refusing until 1997 to allow women to be members or to enter the pavilion. Its 20-year waiting list means that, in some respects, it can be slow to change and that its members are prone to wear the club's colours of red and gold as much as possible when finally accepted.

He was wearing the tie too

Yet the MCC is now very forward-thinking in its support for and tours of emerging cricketing countries around the world, from Argentina to Afghanistan, the latter one of the most notable success stories over the past few years. And at one end of Lord's itself stands the rather space-agey media centre, built for the 1999 World Cup.

The media centre, a magnificent viewpoint

And, though it is rather a cliché , it is this combination of tradition and modernity that makes Lord's such a magnificent venue for cricket. The teams make their way out from the pavilion through the Long Room, filled with paintings from cricket's centuries of history and the members' applause, and are greeted by the media centre, the advertising hoardings and a chanting crowd 30,000-strong. The familiar slope of the pitch remains even as ever more inventive strokes, such as Kevin Pietersen's switch hits, are played upon it.

The only problem for tomorrow? Touring teams tend to rise to the occasion: the Australians have not lost there since 1934.

Cardiff review, Lord's preview

2009-07-14T05:50:00.000-07:00

As those of you following the Tragics on Twitter will know, I was happily (though anxiously) amongst the spectators in Cardiff on the first and last days of the opening Ashes Test - one of the more swiftly snapped up of my girlfriend's date suggestions.

Broad sunshine swathed Test cricket's newest ground, picturesque and filled to capacity, as the Welsh Assembly's £3.2m bid for the match was rewarded by a finish as fine as any of those in the famed 2005 series (especially reminiscent, with roles reversed, of Old Trafford). The controversy surrounding Cardiff's selection as a venue ahead of the more established Test grounds in Durham and Manchester was largely forgotten as a well-organised week was capped by Paul Collingwood's defiant, intelligent innings and unexpected heroics from England's (or Britain's) last pair.

Paul Collingwood after his 1st innings dismissal

An enjoyable couple of days, then, and England's best of the match, but worrying nonetheless. Australia's attack was without Brett Lee or Stuart Clark, their two most experienced bowlers, and few difficulties had been anticipated from Nathan Hauritz, the off-spinner with a first-class bowling average of 45.84. Yet England's batting line-up compiled not one century in two innings on a benign surface, whilst watching 4 Australian batsmen of the 7 who came to the crease reach three figures. Admittedly, Ben Hilfenhaus did deliver the best performance of his short Test career, maintaining a tight line and getting good movement, and was definitely underbowled on the last day (15 overs to the less impressive Johnson's 22), whilst Siddle provided bustle and short-pitched menace and Hauritz steadily grew in confidence after a nervy first 5 overs.

England's batsmen, however, got out to some pretty ordinary shots. Enough has already been written about Pietersen's horrific sweep when set in the first innings, but too little about Prior and Flintoff perishing to expansive drives against the new ball late on the first evening, after their partnership of 86 had just about wrested back the initiative. Prior's dismissal in the second innings, attempting to cut an off-spinner on a sharply turning pitch, was also frustrating: so many of his runs have been scored against the West Indies (739 in 10 matches, as against 396 from his other 9) that it is doubtful whether he is a sound option at No. 6 against better sides. Strauss looked very composed in each innings, before indecision (against a Johnson short ball) and a poor decision (to cut at Hauritz twice in a row) cost him. He needs to stamp his authority on this series with the bat sooner rather than later.

As concerning as the batsmen's failure to capitalise having played themselves in (the first 10 English batsmen reached double figures in the 1st innings) were the workings over that Bopara, in the 1st innings, and Pietersen, in both innings, received. Bopara was understandably very scratchy after being struck in the gullet by a Siddle lifter, but Pietersen was exceptionally jumpy, even for him, at the start of each innings and looked all at sea right through his 20-minute stay on the final morning, the result, very likely, of a more fragile ego than he lets on. My confidence in Cook to improve his 32% conversion rate of 50s to 100s - as he must - remains slight.

Ben Hilfenhaus in his delivery stride on the final day

In my view, then, there is certainly a case for lengthening the batting order for the livelier pitch at Lord's and including Bell at No.6, where he has had some success. This decision may be forced upon England if Flintoff is injured, but should arguably be embraced regardless. The problem with that, of course, is that one cannot rely on Flintoff's body holding up as part of a 4-man attack. Perhaps, as Mike Atherton suggests, England should be prepared for life without Flintoff: after all, since the 2005 Ashes, they have won 12 of 25 Tests without him and only 3 of 23 with him. It is hardly likely that they will be this ruthless though.

Although Monty Panesar will surely be left out for the Lord's match, it is very difficult to make further predictions as to the bowling line-up in view of the doubts over Flintoff's fitness, Harmison's temperament and Broad's role. Either Harmison or Flintoff is needed to provide the steepling bounce that seems likely to account for the phenomenon Phillip Hughes (Stuart Broad was misused in attempting this), although it is just possible that Onions may remain ahead of Harmison in the pecking order. Anderson and Swann must surely retain their places, whilst the selectors will be unwilling to drop Broad after one bad match in a fine summer.

Which leaves me with Broad, Swann, Harmison (or perhaps Onions) and Anderson, with Bell's inclusion depending on Freddie's fitness. For the Australians, the selection is comparatively straightforward and the same team will line up at Lord's, health permitting. I'm dreading Mitchell Johnson's rediscovery of the inswinger that made him man of the series in South Africa and was conspicuous by its absence in Cardiff. England's best hope is for Strauss to find the form and the mettle he showed this winter.

Do let us know what you think about the selection, particularly on the bowling front...

HHCC vs Chesham Bois

2009-07-13T03:46:00.000-07:00

A pretty clinical victory for Hyde Heath this Sunday, apart from one notable exception, about which more later. The opponents this week were local rivals Chesham Bois – some readers might be interested to note that I was born and raised in Chesham Bois, as was Dominic Haddock and Nick’s father-in-law lives there, but, in all honesty, very few are likely to care too much.

Myself and Henry Capper turned up rather late – courtesy of an irritating little TfL fellow named Andrew – and Hyde Heath were in the field, so I can only assume that Charlie had won the toss. We put together a strong all-round display – James Aird was again the major threat early on but Jez was unlucky to finish wicketless after beating the bat with great regularity. Airdy was also unlucky not to have their opening batsman LBW for single figures – especially as he went on to hold the visitors’ innings together with a hard-working 89.

I was given a 10-over spell by Charlie and, with the wicket turning quite sharply, managed to take two wickets for 39, including, as so often, a 14 year-old number 11. At the other end Simon Napier-Munn was swinging it both ways and bowling with great accuracy. He picked up three wickets, including two in two balls, but our one bad moment of the day cost Napes a fourth. He bowled the ball, the right-handed batsman chipped it in the air straight to short wicket – a gentle little underarm lob. Capper – gloveless thanks to his criminal ticket-avoidance activities earlier in the day – somehow, to general amazement, shelled it. Wow. Surely this year’s Cack Award is in the bag?

So, only 154 for victory, and a solid opening partnership – 41 for Capper, 39 for Richard Cousins – did the bulk of the work. But with the target in sight, Hyde Heath decided to jazz things up with a little middle-order wobble. It was left to James Shrimpton with another excellent innings of 46 not out and Jez to see us home.

While all this was going on there was also apparently some cricket going on in Cardiff. Congratulations to Paul Collingwood, James Anderson and Monty Panesar for securing the draw. Check out the Cricket Tragics live Twitter coverage of the nerve-jangling 5th day. Sadly, England are looking pretty toothless right now. And I can’t see things changing that much before Lord’s, a venue where England haven’t beaten Australia in a Test since 1934.

Cricket Tragics on Twitter

2009-07-08T07:50:00.001-07:00

Cricket Tragics’ very own Tom Cameron has somehow bagged himself tickets to the first day of the long-awaited 2009 Ashes. And guess what? He’s only gone and joined Twitter to keep you folks up to date on all the action.

Check it out here: http://twitter.com/Cricket_Tragics

Cricket Tragics on Twitter – now that’s what I call new media-tastic.

HHCC vs Ballinger

2009-07-06T03:08:00.000-07:00

And now the big one: old rivals Ballinger arrived at the Heath in what was being billed by many as the clash of the Titans. We were taking this one so seriously that some of the team even had net practice on Friday evening and Saturday afternoon. Preparation of the highest calibre.

Charlie was back to captain the side but for the second week running we lost the toss and were asked to bat. Their openers bowled tidily but we made a reasonable start before Capper was bowled by a good one and Haddock played one shot too many and was caught (I forget where) to end an innings that some were reffering to as ‘flighty’. This paved the way for James Shrimpton to play his finest innings of the season so far, an elegant but hard-hitting 75. He almost single-handedly held the Hyde Heath innings together with a series of brilliantly timed cover drives and flicks through mid-wicket.

Support came in patches, but when Shrimpton was dismissed the innings began to falter until James Aird and Brad Holt came together for an entertaining pre-tea partnership. Aird – whose 34 came of just 17 deliveries – was instrumental in getting the Heath up to a defendable total of 212. For those of you interested in such matters, I was feeling decidedly sketchy for most of the day and got caught behind chasing a wide out-swinger for 4.

Nick bowling to a 14 year-old

When the Ballinger openers came out, we were surprised by the fact that one of them was only 14. We might have assumed we’d get him out quickly but it was not to be. They put on an opening stand not far off 100 and suddenly our total didn’t look so big after all. The Heath were looking uncharacteristically flat – the bowling tidy enough, but the energy levels in the field well down on the usual standard. Several catches went down, including a complete shocker where Charlie and I each left the other to take responsibility. The bowler – Jez – was distinctly unimpressed.

But Brad eventually got the breakthrough and then it was over to James Aird. Coming after his entertaining innings, he bowled with hostility and control to tear through the Ballinger middle order and return figures of 6 for 16, his best for the Heath.

Bowled him!

With two wickets needed and four overs to go, victory was within our grasp. Torn between recalling Brad or yours truly to try and grab a wicket, Charlie opted, to my surprise, for me. When the bastman charged down the wicket and got stumped it looked like an inspired decision. But in the end we couldn’t quite force the final breakthrough, and the match was drawn with Ballinger 9 wickets down. Both teams had played some good cricket (and also some rubbish cricket) so perhaps, in the end, a draw was the right result.

HHCC vs Southwell Ramblers

2009-06-29T02:20:00.000-07:00

It had to come to an end some time. Yes, Hyde Heath lost their first match of the season, and I’m ashamed to say it was under my captaincy. Whenever they’re given a bit of a pasting, the England team generally talk of “taking positives out of the game”, and it's true that one often learns more about the game of cricket from defeat than from victory. It was certainly interesting drowning our sorrows in The Plough and attempting to see where it all went wrong. I wonder what England Captain Andrew Strauss – who, rumour has it was watching our match for a brief period – would have made of it all.

In truth, it went wrong right from the start. I lost the toss and Southwell Ramblers skipper Tim invited us to bat first. From memory, this is the first time that we have had to bat first all season, and the different pressures involved in setting a target seemed too much for our batsmen, who perished to a succession of decidedly average shots. Haddock was the first to go, with a leading edge high to mid off, and Capper, today at no. 3, was bowled attempting a horrible sort of sweep to a full pitched delivery. It’s a testament to the strength of our batting line-up that we have managed to compile big scores despite the recent poor form of our main batsman. But not today.

It was good to see James Aird back with us, but not so good for me to have to give him out LBW without scoring. He was plum. Napier Munn was then also LBW and the two Richards – Cousins and Austin – departed in quick succession. When Atif was caught for 0, our innings really was in tatters. I came out at number 9 with the score (as far as I can recall) 48 for 7. A right old mess. Southwell then brought the spinners on, and for a brief time, Ben and I managed to steady the ship. I was timing the ball well and feeling pretty good, until drilling a return catch to be dismissed for 26. It was the kind of half-shot – torn between a full lofted drive and finding the gap along the ground – that characterised our dismal batting display. The tail wagged a bit, but we were finally dismissed for 125, and it was never going to be enough.

Me getting out

When our turn came in the field, I decided that short spells were the way to go. We had a lot of bowling and I wanted to give everyone a quick burst to see who would be most likely to produce the killer spell that we so desperately needed. Jez took a wicket in the opening over and Richard Austin bowled superbly from The Plough end to take four for 15, including Southwell’s two star batsmen. At 50 for 5, they were in trouble and we were well in the game. I then made a double bowling change, replacing myself with Airdy and Richard with the off-spin of Atif. In retrospect, as Richard Cousins pointed out, it was here that our momentum was lost. Neither bowler had played for some time, and Atif in particular struggled to find the right length. Airdy bowled well, but with his extra pace and a fast outfield, boundaries were coming, and we couldn’t afford them.

Richard Austin strikes as Jez looks on

And yet, it all could have been turned round in an instant when their young batsman chipped the simplest of return catches to Atif. Somehow, unbelievably, he dropped it, and our chance to break the partnership had gone. Jez returned to remove the same batsman but by then the score was 115. We sensed the possibility of something special, but in reality it was too little too late.

So what did we learn? Firstly, if catches win matches, then shocking drops have a demoralising effect on the bowler and, indeed, the whole team. But in reality we lost the match because nobody in the top six got over 20. Being part of a performance like that, it’s clear why we always field first. But in a way that merely compounds the problem. If you always conceal a weakness then there’s never a chance to rectify it. I think some strategy is needed: a clear definition of the role of each batsman when we have to set a target. But first, a proper net session might not be a bad idea.

HHCC President's Weekend

2009-06-22T03:46:00.000-07:00

There are various ways to prepare for a game of cricket. A pre-match net perhaps, or some gentle fielding practice. I’m ashamed to say however that the Friday night before the President’s Day match I did not spend brushing up on my technique or studying video footage of the oppo. Nor indeed did I attend the Hyde Heath Beer Festival, which was by all accounts a triumph. No, instead I went a-boozing in glamorous Hackney until approximately 8 in the morning. Somehow I made it to the Heath on time (despite various self-induced transport difficulties) and at 12.30 we were ready to rumble.

President's XI

The President’s XI (for those of you who aren’t aware) is an invitation XI – effectively the HHCC President Robin Richards selects the best eleven cricketers that Hyde Heath plays against. The side was a strong one, captained by Robin’s son and ex-Heath skipper Ali. We would need to play well.

Hyde Heath CC

Charlie won the toss and, as ever, elected to bowl. Fielding definitely occurred, but thankfully I took little part in it. Jez and Nick bowled well early on and we took wickets regularly. I’m afraid to say I can’t remember too much of what went on, except for the odd moment every now and again, which I shall attempt to recount now: Hugh (who you may recall made 50 against us last week) was dropped badly by the usually safe Napier Munn at mid-off. It was a howler, and we prepared ourselves to pay for the mistake. But only a few balls later he absolutely creamed an off-drive drive straight at the same fielder. Somehow Napes held on. The ball was seriously travelling and never got more than 6 inches of the ground. It was a wonderful catch, but even better was to come.

Much to my surprise, when I came on to bowl, I did rather well. Driving properly through my action, I was accurate and getting some turn. In – I think – my fourth over however it started to go wrong. Or right. The first ball was horribly wide. But the batsman – Ollie Haddock – reached for it and drilled it towards cover. Four runs. But no, Nick the Kiwi leapt salmon-like and with two feet off the ground caught an absolute screamer. Two balls later I dished up a wide long-hop which was cut to point, where Will took it diving forward. Three great catches and some LBW decisions in our favour and the President’s were all out for 111.

Ali Richards to Matt Simms...

For some bizarre reason I was asked to open the batting alongside Capper, and so tottered to the crease hardly able to even see. With such a low total all we really needed to do was bat sensibly, but when Capper was caught and bowled by Ali, it looked like we might make a meal of it. Fortunately I decided to bore the opposition into submission. Finding able allies in, first, Matt Simms and then Simon Napier-Munn, I eschewed all stroke-play in favour of dead-bat forward defensives and terrible running between the wickets. There were a couple of memorable shots – a solid pull through mid-wicket off Tim Nutman, and later a straight drive down the ground off Ali, but in truth it was pretty gritty stuff. Anyway eventually it did the job and we won by 7 wickets. I finished unbeaten on 46. Mark Richardson would have been proud.

My boring innings

Sunday of President’s Weekend usually involves a six-a-side tournament, but with several teams dropping out we decided to play a Twenty 20 match, with ten(ish) per side. One team was made up of players from Hyde Heath and the other a composite side featuring five from Yeading Cavaliers alongside Capper, Jez, Nick and myself. We lost the toss and were asked to take the field. The Powerplay saw us bowl accurately and field poorly. Shrimpton (Hyde Heath skipper for the match) took full advantage, racing to 30 before getting himself out. Hyde Heath’s middle order then struggled as Jez applied the squeeze from one end and I dished up a load of old rubbish at the other. Somehow I took 3 wickets, thanks to a brilliant running catch at long-on by Nick (after he’d put down a sitter at the same position the previous delivery). Father and son Danny and Charlie Samuels then batted sensibly to get the Heath up to 145, a very defendable total.

We (Yeading Heath?) then lost Capper early (again) and really struggled to score at any kind of rate against the pace and accuracy of Brad Holt and a visiting fellow called Willis (no, not that one). But Yeading skipper Leather joined Jez at the crease and they began to forge a partnership by picking the gaps and running hard. With 70 needed off ten, it was anybody’s game. But then an expensive over from leg-spinner Jay and two poor ones from Will turned it our way, and eventually we romped home with almost 3 overs to spare. Jez finished unbeaten on 45 and Leather on 41.

So it was certainly a cracking weekend, and hopefully lots of money was raised so for the club. We’re still unbeaten and with no away matches until mid-July, it’s looking like being a record-breaking season.

HHCC vs The Misfits

2009-06-15T02:11:00.000-07:00

Ooooh dear, well that was a little bit of a shocker. The Little Missenden "Misfits" were the oppo, and despite winning the match, it was an average day for Hyde Heath and a particularly terrible one for yours truly. Three pre-match pints may have calmed the jitters caused by a Saturday night of two hours sleep but they did little to improve my already meagre cricketing ability.

Last year the Misfits had trounced us by ten wickets but this season saw them arrive at Fortress Heath with a severely depleted side. With a tail starting at three, all we really needed to do was prevent a large opening partnership. When Jez removed their right-handed opener LBW early on, victory was pretty much assured. Their left-handed opener (and skipper) Hugh made a hard-working half-century, but wickets fell regularly at the other end. Off a shortened run, Bradley bowled accurately with pace and movement both ways, whilst Nick produced a probing opening spell and was unlucky not to take any wickets.

Fortress Heath

When a kid of about 10 walked out to bat in their middle order Charlie put me on to bowl and I duly dispatched him LBW. But thereafter I failed to threaten against two other children of 11 and 13. As the game drifted, we dropped catches and began to look like a rabble in the heat. Charlie put down three, Ben one (albeit a tough one), Capper at least one, and I flinched out of the way of an absolute dolly. Sorry, cricket! Eventually Jez returned to bowl some wides and take some wickets. He finished with 5 wickets and the Misfits were all out for 130.

When we overheard their captain saying to his troops "Listen lads, we only have one bowler" we assumed we’d chase the target down with ease. But like most village teams, the Heath have a habit of making a meal of small totals and we really tried hard to lose this one. After two early wickets, Shrimpton and Will Reynolds looked assured at the crease, both striking the ball cleanly. But when the former was controversially given out LBW by Jonny Capper for an excellent 43, our middle order wobbled.

Samuels was clean bowled for a duck and Nick got a good one that nipped back, so I strode out at number 7 feeling surprisingly confident. On came their 11 year-old leg-spinner (who I had singularly failed to dismiss), Will got a single and I took guard against him. The first ball I faced was tossed up and drifted gently a foot or so outside the leg stump. I propped forward, the ball spat past the outside edge and took the off bail. Oops. I felt like Mike Gatting, but less fat and less good at cricket.

A few more wickets fell as we neared the target, but combining sensible defence with some brutal shots through the covers, Will saw us home with an unbeaten half-century. So it was with relief and no little surprise that we sat watching England bounce India out of the World 20/20. It was almost enough to make me forget my humiliating day. That is, were it not for the continued reminders from my supportive team-mates...

In Defence of Twenty20

2009-06-10T02:48:00.000-07:00

I am, as most are, worried about the impact that the T20 phenomenon will have on the longer form of the game... however as I work from home and have recently acquired Sky Sports I feel I should share some optimism about what I have seen.

Watching a game develop in front of us, it is clear that the international teams are still finding their feet in this format of the game, field settings and balance of teams are still a work in progress. I find it fascinating to be able to watch the development of ideas and tactic in this form of the game, for so long has 50 over cricket become formulaic (and in my opinion dull) it is with real pleasure that one can watch on to see the steady development of crickets newest toy.

It is still not clear how best to set your fields in the first 6 over of these T20 games, some teams opting for fine leg and third man to be back and bowl full and straight, while others prefer to pull their length back and have one man square of the wicket and fine leg in the circle.

It is still not clear what types of bowling are the most effective in this format. Our domestic T20 league seems to point to the fact that spinners/ slow bowlers are the key to success, but some of the international teams have proven to the contrary perhaps due to the higher class of batsmen compared to the domestic scene finding the more gentle pace easy to attack. But in this shortened format it has been fascinating to see how some international batsmen just don’t have the skill or ability to get after the genuinely fast bowlers; anyone who watched the NZ Vs South Africa game last night would have seen that Guptill and Broom (both Kiwi internationals) were clearly not up to panning the Saffer quicks out the ground and succumbed quickly
trying to do so.

Seeing novel bowling methods has also been of interest, whether it be Broad coming round the wicket bowling wide yorkers across the right-handers, the ever increasing array of slower balls or the continued emergence of Mendis finding genuine confusion is a more useful tool then genuine turn. It has been touted round that T20 is a batsmen game, but from the games I have watched it is more often inspired bowling and fielding displays that have won games rather than big knocks (Gale not included).

A fairly obvious point about T20, due to its shorter length, means one or two big performances from a side can result in a victory. Although that leaves many feeling a bit hollow, I think it is great to go into contest between any two teams knowing that the game could be turned upside down by early wickets or an explosive first 6 overs.

Not many of us will forget the Netherlands game too quickly (I had the joy of being there live!) but it can’t be a bad thing for the game to see an increased competitiveness between all sides and I am sure the Broad final over must have been a catalyst to many a chat over the resulting weekend – often for me with people who I would not usually consider to be big cricket fans.

I must stress again that I would not want to see T20 cricket to eat away at any of our beloved Test match cricket, as the longest form of the game is the true test of skill and where I hope all future cricket stars will make their names. But I feel with the cricket calendar getting more and more hectic, and players complaining of burn out, this format could lighten the work load on our players while still filling up the stadium and create that cash for the county grounds. This could also create a great opportunity to promote the women’s games having a women’s match as a prelude to the main event.

We all know that T20 is here to stay and it seems as if it is only going to increase in its frequency. I just hope that it is at the expense of the 50 over format rather than Test cricket. There are 7 scheduled one day games between Australia and England after the Ashes this summer. I would assume that we will all remember the result of the Ashes, but wonder how many of us will recall the outcome of the 7 match series. It’s not Test cricket but I encourage you all to give T20 a second chance, not just as a cheap thrill but as another spectacle of this great game, and one is forcing players and coaches to think as deeply and innovatively as they have done in any format.

HHCC vs Full Tossers

2009-06-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

Another captaincy opportunity for yours truly, and another afternoon of deft decision-making and inspirational leadership. I won the toss and elected to field, despite only having a team of nine. How hard is a 2 o’clock start, people?

Apart from the absence of Atif (where has he been this season?) this was probably a full-strength Hyde Heath line-up, with enough skill, power and chutzpah to make any opponent quake. With a six-man bowling attack I always had plenty of options – something that came in handy as Kiwi Nick insisted on pitching consistently short and getting flogged through mid-wicket. He did manage to remove their opener though (sharply caught by Haddock off another long-hop) and produced some probing deliveries thereafter.

Me bowling to some old man

With Jez picking up wickets quite regularly at the other end, I turned to the gentle seam-up of HHCC newbie Ben Sonley. He proceeded to bowl ten accurate and incisive overs to pick up the excellent figures of 3 for 25. A hostile spell from Luke Brennan brought two wickets and I cleverly brought myself on to finish the innings off in style – or more accurately, three full tosses on the trot.

So we only had to chase 131 for my third victory out of three. But with the pitch playing a little unusually courtesy of some mid-afternoon rain and the light beginning to fade, it was no foregone conclusion. Their opening bowlers insisted on a short-pitched strategy and Capper and Haddock did well to grind their way to 37 without loss. At that point, with the Heath in a position of calm authority, the heavens opened.

With thunder and lightning encircling the ground the match was sadly abandoned and hands were shaken. Then we all crammed into The Plough to watch England beat a lacklustre Pakistan to ensure their progression to the next round of the 20/20 World Cup.

HHCC vs Ley Hill

2009-06-01T03:03:00.001-07:00

So after the glories of last Sunday, I came crashing back to earth on another beautiful sunny day in leafy Bucks. Such is the nature of the fickle art of leg-spin: one week you feel like Shane Warne, landing every ball pretty much where you want it, and turning it square. And the next, it seems as if you’ve never bowled before in your life – the ball seems to weigh a tonne, it sticks in the hand, and your action goes to pieces.

Anyway, enough of my travails. What about the rest of the match? Well, as usual Hyde Heath fielded first, and with a depleted bowling attack (why do our frontline bowlers never turn up?) we dished up a load of old drivel. Ley Hill’s almost shotless openers somehow managed to rack up a hefty (but tedious) hundred partnership (helped no end by around 28 wides). Luke Brennan came back with a good second spell, bowling with pace and better control, and Jez picked up two wickets in his last over, one courtesy of a brilliant running catch by Henry Capper on the long on boundary.

So at tea, we were set 208 to win the match. Given the belting track and our strong batting line-up, it looked like a stiff ask, but by no means impossible. We needed a good start. And we didn’t get it. Ley Hill’s 17 year-old quick rattled through our top order with pace and bounce. Capper went in the first over, popping a catch to mid on; Shrimpton miscued a pull to mid off, 2 balls after one of the most sumptuous lofted cover drives you could wish to see. Then Dom Haddock was bowled by a slower ball yorker, and Will Reynolds had his off stump pegged back first ball.

Fortunately, just as we were staring down the barrel of an ignominious first loss of the season, their quickie who had taken all four wickets was taken off – something to do with young players only allowed to bowl six over spells I think. Our experienced middle-order pairing of Tim Barnsley and Simon Napier-Munn took full toll. Barnsley made 44 and Napes 68 – the highest score of his career. He started off in calm and orthodox fashion, but as the required rate rose to around 10 an over, the cross-batted shots became more frequent. Everything seemed to come out of the middle though, and 10 an over was hardly a problem. At one stage it looked like we might be able to chase the target down.

Unfortunately the loss of these two experienced players put the brakes on. I came out with 30 required from 3, but the return of the opening bowler dried up the run-rate. We finished 190 for 7 and the match was drawn. On a hot day, it was a tame end to a good game, but with most of our bowling attack missing, I think we did well to challenge against a strong Ley Hill outfit.

HHCC vs KC (not Nomadic Medics)

2009-05-26T05:31:00.000-07:00

After last Sunday’s fixture against Great Missenden was called off due to rain it was back to the hallowed Heath for a match against KC, a last minute replacement for the Nomadic Medics. We won the toss and – in glorious sunshine – decided to take the field.

Despite testing opening spells by Jez and Kiwi overseas player Nick, the opposition built a solid opening partnership. So Richard Austin came on at The Plough End and immediately removed their left-handed Sri Lankan opener courtesy of a neat catch at first slip by Anouj. But further inroads were not forthcoming. With Jez beginning to tire in the heat, the captain turned to yours truly, most probably with a sense of foreboding.

But it turns out that it was the oppo who should have been worried as I proceeded to claim career best figures of 7 for 55 off 13 overs. The first wicket, if I do say so myself, was a classic leg-spinner’s dismissal: it pitched middle and leg, with a bit of dip, the batsman came forward to defend, was beaten by the turn and the ball clipped the off-bail. Magic! Of course, as is the way with leg-spin, some of the wickets were less impressive than others. One was a long-hop top-edged to deep square leg, another was LBW off a low full toss, but hey ho... Generally, I was pretty happy with my control, got enough turn to be a consistent threat and everyone fielded well.

So KC were all out for 170, a total that, on Hyde Heath’s pancake-flat wickets, was never really going to be challenging. We reached the total for the loss of 1 wicket. Capper and Dom Haddock both made aggressive half-centuries and we all walked over to the Plough for some well-earned binge-drinking.

Reader Competition!

2009-05-21T14:00:00.001-07:00

There's really nothing like a spontaneous game of cricket, whether you're in the shadow of Everest or being watched by herdsmen in Kabul.

In celebration of this universally acknowledged truth, Cricket Tragics is launching a competition to find the very best photos of hastily contrived fixtures in unusual circumstances: whether they're taken indoors or in the back garden, underground or at altitude, we'll be publishing the finest of the photos you send in - there may even, at the judges' discretion, be prizes.

A couple of pics from my latest sortie will hopefully get the ball rolling. When I'm bowling, as you can see, the field soon spreads...

HHCC vs The Lee

2009-05-11T06:10:00.000-07:00

Well, what a cracking win that was. My second match as captain of Hyde Heath (our usual skipper Charlie Samuels was away watching football or something) and the match was a belter. The team I was presented with was distinctly below par – we were missing three first choice seamers, Atif’s bemusingly effective off-spin and our number 3 batsman James Shrimpton. Indeed, so light on bowling were we that I had to churn out 12 overs of increasingly lethargic leg-spin. Took a reasonably respectable 2 for 50 though.

The Lee were our worthy opponents and thanks to some solid batting at the top of the order they managed a reasonably intimidating 207. Despite our limitations in the bowling department we actually did pretty well. Tim Barnsley rolled back the years to take a couple of wickets and Jez (our only front-line medium pacer) overcame a mediocre start to take the crucial wicket of their main batsman, although it was via a pretty terrible LBW decision.

With the pitch playing hard and true there was always a chance we could get the runs, especially if we got off to a reasonable start. Henry Capper made 62 in an innings that alternated between glorious on-drives and fortuitous edges through the slips. Together with, first, the rotund Richard Cousins and then HHCC new boy Anouj, Capper put together a solid platform from which to launch.

Or not. When he top-edged a full-toss, Hyde Heath did what they do best, and wobbled. So out strode the skipper (that’s me!) to the crease. With about 100 needed off the final 20, run-rate was never really issue and Jez and I batted sensibly to bring the target ever closer. With only single figures needed to seal a famous victory came a moment of controversy, and one that could only happen in village cricket.

Their left-arm spinner delivered the ball. It was slow and loopy and inviting the drive. I missed it. Overbalancing slightly I left the crease before turning round to see that the keeper had dropped it. I rather lost interest and made no attempt to get back to the crease, instead going for a bit of a wander down the wicket. Their keeper eventually picked up the ball and whipped of the bails. Capper – the square leg umpire – had also neglected to stay alert and rightly said that he couldn’t give it out because he hadn’t been watching.

What to do? The oppo were maybe being unsporting and I was certainly within my rights to remain at the crease. But as skipper of the noble Heath I had to think of the glory of the club. With only 7 runs needed and 3 wickets surely the match was all but ours? Well, given that 9, 10 and 11 probably had a combined average of 5, we could easily have lost it. Weighing all this up, I’m pleased to say that I did the right thing: tucked my bat under my arm and trooped back to the pavilion. I clearly did right by the notoriously fickle gods of cricket, as two overs later, Jez launched one through the covers to seal a memorable victory.

The real winner then was cricket (and of course Hyde Heath).

Tom

The Ashes plan or horses for courses?

2009-04-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

To anyone following the build-up to today's England team selection for the first of the two upcoming Tests against the West Indies, that selection will have come as a surprise - neither Ian Bell, nor Michael Vaughan (around whom speculation has centred) made the 12-man squad, nor even Owais Shah, with Ravi Bopara preferred for the No. 3 berth, whilst Steve Harmison was passed over in favour of Durham teammate, Graham Onions, and Yorkshire's Tim Bresnan.

What is unclear about the selection, however, is how far it signals England's Ashes intentions. A top 7 of Strauss, Cook, Bopara, Pietersen, Collingwood, Prior and Broad may look adequate against the inexperienced West Indies attack, but it is surely a little lightweight to face the Australians. At No.8, Broad was a luxury, but, at No.7, he will shoulder run-scoring responsibility; Bopara scored one century against West Indies at No.6 (after being dropped on 4), but coming in first down against a top bowling attack on pitches with some life (Lord's aside) is quite a different matter. Putting two players in 'make or break' situations inevitably pressurises the rest of the batting line-up.

The 5-bowler selection may be a reflection of the difficulty of forcing a result at Lord's (the last 6 Tests there have been drawn), rather than a statement for the summer, although it's worth remembering that the team for the final Windies Test of the winter had the same balance. If this balance works well in the first Tests, it could well be kept for the summer, especially if Flintoff returns at No.7.

Whatever the side's balance, players I'd regard, at this stage, as inked-in Ashes certainties are Strauss(c.), Cook (reluctantly), Pietersen, Collingwood, Prior (with reservations), Broad and Anderson. With Swann or Panesar as the main spinner, this leaves 3 further places up for grabs: 2 batting and 1 bowling if England are being conservative, 2 bowling and 1 batting if caution is thrown to the wind, and one of each if Flintoff is fit.

The brusque message sent to Bell and Harmison, the most notable 'snubees', is that they are going to have to make themselves impossible to leave out between now and July, rather than simply returning to 'their' spots in the team. Bell, in particular, repeatedly puts being dropped down to a 3-month loss of form, rather than a failure, over a longer period, to do justice to his talent by scoring match-dictating centuries under pressure.

In the race for Ashes places, it's all to play for, which is just as it should be. Since Andy Flower doesn't have the luxury of a settled team, the best he can do is to stimulate competition for places and hope that the results will follow. It'll be interesting to see which players react best.

In search of an IPL team to support

2009-04-26T14:02:00.000-07:00

At the end of my last post, I began to ponder which team I'd be supporting in the second season of the Indian Premier League - a bizarre 8-franchise event pitching together teams composed of the world's best current players, the cream of India's up-and-coming crop and some from the 'Seniors' Tour'. As it enters the second of its five weeks in South Africa - complete with cheerleaders, mid-innings commercial breaks and the venomous (and hugely popular) Fake IPL Player blog (supposedly the work of a reserve for the Kolkata Knight Riders) - I am still none the wiser.

I was initially quite excited at the prospect of watching Kevin Pietersen turn around the fortunes of Bangalore Royal Challengers, who came 7th of the 8 teams last year and were widely ridiculed for picking a 'Test team', with a batting line-up including Rahul 'The Wall' Dravid and Jacques 'What's my average now?' Kallis. Not only was I very sorry that Pietersen was not England's captain for longer (I always fancied he could have emulated Viv Richards as a captain as well as a batsman), but I've also long felt that the best Test cricketers adapt their games best to the shorter formats - Dravid was one of the leading run-scorers last year and is currently 6th in the list this year. The problems with supporting the Challengers, though, are that Pietersen will be returning to England soon and I am unable to do anything other than enjoy the sight of Jacques Kallis' face as his bowling is hit around the park. They're also now bottom of the table.

Besides, the 'Royal Challengers' sobriquet is pretty poor really. In fact, half the teams have 'Royal' or 'Kings' as part of their name - a bit of a dearth of creativity in the marketing department, surely? By the 'name criterion', the Kolkata 'Knight Riders' are also a non-starter, I'm afraid, much as I like Chris Gayle and enjoy as I do the row brewing between John Buchanan and anyone who plays for him. If they'd been the 'Night Riders', I might have been intrigued..

The Delhi Daredevils are the only team to manage a vaguely decent name - hitting the jackpot (comparatively speaking) by being alliterative and appropriate to Twenty20 - and they seem to have assembled a team made for this format: Gambhir, Sehwag, De Villiers (scorer of the first century in this year's competition) and Dilshan are four of the most in-form batsmen in the world (in all formats), while Daniel Vettori is the world's best Twenty20 bowler and a fine captain. They have Owais Shah and Paul Collingwood in reserve, not to mention Glenn McGrath and Twenty20 sensation, David Warner. All this probably makes them the favourites to win the competition, which might well lose them my support, I'm afraid...

Which brings me nicely on to the underdog appeal of the Rajasthan Royals, or Team Warne, who won last year on a shoe-string budget (well, it's all relative - see here for a look at who was worth the spend last year). After losing Shane Watson, the Man of the Tournament last time, and Sohail Tanvir, its leading bowler, to the Pakistan-Australia series in Dubai and Abu Dhabi, things aren't going so well, with the Graeme Smith-led batting yet to fire (and Swapnil Asnodkar a shadow of last year's buccaneer). Dimitri Mascarenhas is doing marginally better than Warne with the ball (as things stand), but both have been trumped by the 18 year-old Indian left-armer, Kamran Khan, until recently, like me nowadays, predominantly playing tennis-ball cricket. Plucked from nowhere, he epitomises Rajasthan's lure - I wonder, though, whether liking them is a sign of my inner curmudgeon failing to embrace the IPL on its own terms, sticking two fingers up to its big-spending fantasy team ideal (in the first season, Rajasthan were actually penalised for not spending enough!).

As such, I'm going to need to look further afield and avoid curmudgeonliness in that respect. I'm not charitable enough, though, to overlook Chennai Super Kings signing Matthew Hayden. The Deccan Chargers have Adam Gilchrist and Herschelle Gibbs as their scintillating opening pair and are currently leading the way, after finishing bottom last year. Pragyan Ojha, an Indian slow left-armer, is proving one of the bowlers of the tournament so far, and Fidel Edwards' slingy action is highly effective in the death overs.

But Lasith Malinga, playing for the Mumbai Indians, is a more exciting slinger than Edwards and has been thrillingly unplayable thus far. And you can't beat the old masters, Jayasuriya and Tendulkar, for an opening pair. Sentiment and Sri Lankan exuberance, then, might just swing me Mumbai's way.

I've not quite persuaded myself yet - I'm still rooting for Rajasthan in their current run-chase against Delhi - but I'm certainly excited at the feast of cricket on offer. Hopefully, the more I watch, the less confused I'll be - I'll keep you posted...

One-day status and so nearly more

2009-04-17T08:05:00.000-07:00

Afghanistan have earned one-day international status after a 21-run win against Namibia in their final Super Eight game, but missed out on World Cup qualification after finishing 6th in the group, behind qualifiers Ireland, Canada, Holland and Kenya.

A comfortable win for the Netherlands against Canada and a determined match-winning partnership between Collins Obuya and Thomas Odoyo for Kenya against Ireland meant that all my predictions about Net Run-rate came to naught.

But when Kenya were trembling at 96-4 (needing 209) and the Afghans had Namibia on their knees at 79-5 (having scored 244 themselves), it seemed for all the world as though World Cup qualification was there for the taking - I was willing the Afghan captain, Nowrooz Mangal, to bring back his attack's spearhead, Hameed Hasan, a favourite of this blog, and go for the jugular, the comprehensive win. In the back of my mind was the thought that a conscious decision may have been made not to risk losing the tantalising prospect of ODI status, yet this is almost certainly a churlish overestimation of the information available to this marvellously game outfit in the thick of the fray.

Instead of speculating as to what might have been, it is better to look forward to what the Afghans can achieve in 4 well-funded years, having seen what they managed in 2 years without resources. They will surely continue fulfilling Hameed Hasan's hope of "showing the world we are a good team and a country of friendly, peaceful people. We are not what people say, when they say we only fight. We are also good cricketers and [have] good talent, and want to prove to the world Afghanistan is a country full of people like us."

It may be hard to find such good reasons to support a team in the upcoming IPL.

All to play for in the Qualifiers final round

2009-04-16T14:47:00.000-07:00

After a far from disgraceful loss against Canada and a triumph against the fancied Scots, the Afghans' chances of qualification for the World Cup (in the top 4) or, failing that, one-day international status (the top 6) have come down to their very last match against Namibia on Monday morning - the official site is the place to watch events unfold live and to see video highlights from throughout the tournament.

The other fixtures in that last round of matches are Ireland v Kenya, Canada v Netherlands and Scotland v UAE, with the table currently standing as follows:-

Team	Mat	Won	Lost	Pts	Net RR
Ireland	6	5	1	10	+0.860
Canada	6	4	2	8	+0.855
Kenya	6	3	3	6	+0.006
Netherlands	6	3	3	6	-0.019
U.A.E.	6	3	3	6	-0.813
Namibia	6	2	4	4	-0.022
Afghanistan	6	2	4	4	-0.316
Scotland	6	2	4	4	-0.576

Even though Ireland are guaranteed a place in the final of the competition, I'd be surprised if they eased up against Kenya, who will need something special from Steve Tikolo to bounce back from a huge 201-run defeat at the hands of Namibia. Scotland will be fighting tooth and claw to hold on to their one-day international status, a huge shock given the 6 professionals in their side - the criticism coming their way could well spur them to victory against the UAE.

If the Canadians then beat the Dutch - very possible given that their star player Ryan ten Doeschate returned to Essex for the start of the county season after his one-man run chase against Namibia - the five teams placed 3rd-7th will all have won 3 games and qualification will come down to Net Run Rate. If the Afghans post a hefty win against Namibia, they stand a chance of leapfrogging one of Kenya and Holland, the teams I've picked to lose, and securing a top-4 spot.

The problem is that almost nothing has gone as expected in this exciting, evenly matched tournament and the Namibians have been very solid in the tournament's second stage. Nonetheless, reading interviews with any of the Afghan players reminds one that many stranger things have happened in the past two years.

(If, after all that, you'd like someone else's predictions, Will Luke's on-the-spot assessment of the teams' chances can be heard here.)

Afghans beat the Irish

2009-04-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm clambering back onto the bandwagon after the Hameed Hasan-inspired Afghans were inspired by to a famous victory over the previously untroubled Irish. With 5 wickets remaining and 33 runs required at a run a ball, the Irish were clear favourites, but 4 wickets in 9 balls from the Afghan pace bowler - 3 clean bowled - left them spectacularly derailed. (Read Hasan's take on the match here).

It was a must-win game for the Afghans, preventing them from falling adrift at the bottom of what is now a congested table (the Namibians and Scots also won). They are still in contention for World Cup qualification in the top 4 or, more realistically, a top-6 finish that would win them One-Day international status (the ICC High Performance Manager, Richard Done, here explains his blueprint for making the qualifying teams competitive in the 2 years leading to the next World Cup).

For anyone who would like to join me in following the tournament obsessively, the best place is, in fact, the official site, rather than cricinfo. Canada are up next for the Afghans on Monday morning - in the meantime, you can watch a video of the team's fitness programme or read about the documentary they've inspired. Or go out to Hyde Heath for some extra-cover catching practice from Tom.

Catching: Dravid's record and England's slips

2009-04-10T14:04:00.000-07:00

Just a very short post to anoint a true 'cricket tragic' - reading the cricinfo blogs on a Friday night, I feel well placed to do so. The worthy whom I honour is Sambit Bal, editor of those blogs, who recently missed a flight to watch Rahul Dravid take his record-breaking 182nd Test catch - the previous holder was Mark Waugh, if you were wondering - against New Zealand.

(The bowler, for the record, was Zaheer Khan, India's best ever overseas and very possibly worthy of a place in a World XI until the recent flowering of Mitchell Johnson.)

Anyway, Dravid's record got me thinking about England's slip fielding. If Flintoff's bowling in the Ashes this summer (read Sambit Bal here on England's unhealthy obsession with the urn), I presume that the inconsistent Alistair Cook will be alongside Strauss and Collingwood in the slips (or at gully). Could someone who watched more of the West Indies series than me let me know what there is to worry about behind the wicket other than Matt Prior and quite how sorely Marcus Trescothick is missed?

Cricket Nets

2009-04-09T02:01:00.000-07:00

If the weather turns out okay this weekend, I'm planning to have a bit of a net down at the Heath.

Last year I noticed a bit of a tendency to drive in the air, so the off-season has seen me remodel my back-lift in order to attempt to rectify this problem. I think it will enable me to keep my front elbow high through the shot, thereby ensuring that the ball stays along the ground.

In addition, I’ve also made a couple of minor alterations to my bowling action: I’ve slightly shortened my approach to the crease and decided to lower my bowling arm a fraction in order to get more break from leg to off.

That’s the theory anyway – soon I'll put it into practice. I’ve got a feeling that this season might be a good one for yours truly. I need to really cement my place as Hyde Heath’s leading leg-spinning all-rounder under 25. So in concrete terms: at least one half-century, a five-wicket haul, and less than three dropped catches. Moderate, but attainable.

Anyone in the slightest bit interested in this? I thought not.

Not Michael Vaughan...

2009-04-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, Afghanistan went through with a whimper to the Super Eight phase, after losing to the UAE by 5 wickets and seeing Bermuda beaten by the Dutch. They will start that phase from the bottom of the table and it is, alas, hard to see them making a great deal of movement from that position, with the ruthless Irish side awaiting them on Saturday and the second-placed Canadians on Monday.

Nonetheless, the World Cup Qualifiers have provided a welcome distraction from the movement of Michael Vaughan towards the forefront of media speculation ahead of this summer's home test series against West Indies and Australia. The traditional English season-opener between the MCC and the champion county, Durham, starts tomorrow, with attention focusing on the battle between MCC batsmen Ian Bell, Vaughan and Rob Key for the number 3 berth that Owais Shah failed to make his own in the West Indies.

Even the eminently sensible Lawrence Booth, one of the very best cricket writers around, has put the case for Vaughan's reinstatement, arguing that "England tend not to beat Australia by playing it safe." Certainly Andrew Strauss would be well-advised to take note of the importance of risk-taking - he has historically been ultra-conservative in setting a total, whether sending in James Anderson as nightwatchman against the West Indies this year or pressing on to his own century against Pakistan in 2006, and cannot afford to pass up any comparable opportunity to force the game against the Aussies - but this argument surely cannot be made to pick a man who has scored only 2 Test centuries in his last 17 matches. Booth may have a certain claim to authority, having been a firm advocate of Kevin Pietersen before the 2005 series, but Pietersen had just taken a one-day series against South Africa unprecedentedly by storm, whilst Vaughan has scored one century against Surrey in a pre-season tournament in Abu Dhabi.

If Vaughan is picked, as Booth suggests, for his tactical nous, the effect, ironically, would be to implement the second of the demands (the other being Peter Moores' departure) that brought about Kevin Pietersen's unceremonious downfall as captain. In short, it would be an absurd move that would highlight once again the absurdity of England's management since the end of the Indian tour. I would love to be proven wrong, since there are few finer summer sights than a Vaughan cover drive - there can, however, be few more aggravating than that of Vaughan walking off with his trademark quizzical glance pitchwards, stumps strewn everywhere.

Down to earth for the Afghans

2009-04-07T11:21:00.001-07:00

After their second consecutive win in the match against Bermuda, the Afghans have had their World Cup dreams rather punctured by defeats against Kenya and the Netherlands .

As well as leaving their qualification for the Super Eight stage in some doubt - if the Bermudans beat the Dutch in tomorrow morning's round of matches, the Afghans need to win or draw against the UAE - these defeats will be carried through to that stage if the Dutch and Kenyans both qualify, leaving the Afghans needing wins against Associate heavyweights, Ireland, Scotland and Canada, and feature writers wondering when they'll next get such good material (click here to read Will Luke's interview with Afghan batsman, Raees Ahmadzai, about cricket in the refugee camps).

Whether or not there is a fairytale ending to this leg of the Afghan story, their progress could do wonders for the game's development at Associate level, a matter of critical importance in view of the political problems prevailing in Zimbabwe and Pakistan and the stagnation, Shakib Al Hasan aside, of the Bangladeshi national side. Effectively, this leaves seven Test-quality sides still playing reasonably frequently: India, Australia and South Africa on the top table, Sri Lanka not far off, though still starved of regular series against top teams, and England kept off the bottom by generally poor - sportingly and economically - West Indies and New Zealand sides (an analysis borne out by the official ICC rankings).

The recent series between Australia and South Africa may have shown Test cricket at its see-sawing best and Dhoni's India is excitingly consistent, but there is a risk that this will become an isolated spectacle. The Afghans, then, may bring hope for more than one reason.

Afghanistan's opening match

2009-04-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

For those of you on tenterhooks as to how the Afghans fared in their first match, the result was a 5-wicket win at a canter, with fine all-round performances from Mohammad Nabi and, in particular, Karim Khan. In the finest village cricket tradition, the latter took off his wicketkeeping gloves to bowl (after a finger injury), only to scythe through the Danish batting line-up. A (slightly) fuller match report can be read here; you can also find the BBC leaping on the Cricket Tragics bandwagon here

Lying in wait for them next (on Thursday morning) are Bermuda and their 20-stone+ star spinner, Dwayne Leverock, fresh from a miserly spell of 10-5-13-1 in the defeat against the UAE (the Dutch were the group's other winners). Though Bermuda also have former Glamorgan batsman, David Hemp, in their ranks, their cricket has been in alarming decline since qualification for the 2007 World Cup and the team has lost their first two matches in South Africa - another eminently winnable game for the Afghans!

From Kabul to Centurion?

2009-03-31T16:24:00.000-07:00

It began as a beacon of hope for refugees returning to a war-torn region. When an Afghan XI then thrashed a touring MCC team in Mumbai in 2006, there was excitement at the promise of swashbuckling opening batsman and legspinner, Mohammed Nabi, and fast bowler Hameed Hassan, immediately recruited as MCC Young Cricketers. Though a successful tour of England followed later that year, with the Afghans undefeated in matches against some strong county 2nd XIs, none could have foreseen the national team's whirlwind series of promotions through the divisions of the World Cricket League, with tournaments won in Jersey (Division 5), Tanzania (Division 4) and Argentina (Division 3) in 2008 and January 2009.

They are now in South Africa, one of 12 teams competing for 4 places in the 2011 World Cup - qualification would spark scenes of delight on the streets of Kabul, since cricket is the Afghan national game, having persisted even under the Taliban. Hardened by a month's training in Pakistan under the auspices of the great Javed Miandad, the team start the competition this Wednesday morning, with a must-win game against Denmark, one of its weaker teams. Realistically, they also need to beat at least one of Kenya, Holland, Bermuda and the U.A.E to qualify for the tournament's second phase, where they will face the likes of Ireland, Scotland and Canada, habitual qualifiers for the main tournament. Few would expect them to reach that stage, but then again few expected them to reach this one - find out here how far the Afghans' momentum can carry them.

A fuller preview of the tournament as a whole can be found courtesy of Will Luke at cricinfo, everyone's 2nd favourite cricket website, and the Afghans' progress can also be followed through star man Hameed Hassan's blog. The tournament's official site may also be of use..

Suggestions for England's next coach?

2009-03-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

As I write, a Dimitri Mascarenhas-inspired England are fighting back well in the first innings of the 4th one-dayer. It is worth noting, in passing, that Mascarenhas' ODI batting strike rate of 96.41 is the best in the England team and his economy rate of 4.53 second only to Flintoff's (in spite of the Chris Gayle pasting in the last match) and far ahead of his next best teammate - the statistics aren't the full story, but Shane Warne's perennially high estimation of Mascarenhas' potential in international one-day cricket may perhaps be justified.

The main significance of this match, though, is that it may determine whether Andy Flower can really be deemed a credible candidate for the vacant England coach's job - especially if, as seems very possible, the series ends today. With only one victory over the Windies this winter - and that largely down to the Duckworth-Lewis miscalculations of his opposite number, John Dyson - Flower can surely not compete with seasoned international coaches such as John Wright and Mickey Arthur, tipped for the job in the Sunday Times by John Stern, editor of the Wisden Cricketer. The (much-cited) strength of Flower's relationship with Strauss is all well and good, but how hard can it really be to get on with the affable England captain?

Yet I share Scyld Berry's scepticism that Arthur, on the brink of bringing South Africa to the pinnacle in both forms of the game, would choose to leave that challenge behind. In Arthur's interview on Radio Five Live this morning, he doesn't quite rule the possibility out (the very fact of giving the interview might be viewed as putting himself in the shop window), but seems to stress that he sees the England job as something he'd like to do further down the line (most probably after his contract with SA ends in 2012).

John Wright and John Dyson have had some success with India and Sri Lanka respectively, but both are at early stages of projects with New Zealand and West Indies. Stories of Wright's often confrontational dressing-room approach - he once took Sehwag by the collar after a reckless dismissal - might also work against him. With Graham Ford also ruling himself out and John Buchanan evidently enjoying the prospect of managing the Kolkata Knight Riders, it is hard to see what precisely the head-hunters' options are...

Any ideas?

The great uncapped and life following art

2009-03-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

Though it is, sadly, too late to make an entry for the Wisden England's Greatest Uncapped XI competition (in Tests), I'd nonetheless recommend a quick browse of the long list before the selection’s publication in the April issue, if only to be reminded of quite how shambolic 1990s selection was.

The striking thing, for me, about the list, was my lack of outrage on behalf of any modern player (except, very wishfully, Ali Brown). For much of the (almost) 15 years for which I’ve watched the national team, I was convinced that one county performer or another was being cruelly overlooked: Darren Maddy, Steve James, Robert Croft, Simon Brown, Mike Smith, Jon Lewis, Chris Adams and even Aftab Habib all seemed passed over too long for playing at unfashionable counties. Yet, as you’ll have noticed, all these players did, for better or, more often, worse, eventually play at least one Test.

The decade in which England sunk to the bottom of world cricket was ushered in by the selectors’ feat of picking 29 players in the 6-match 1989 Ashes series, with little improvement in consistency of selection until the introduction of central contracting. On the long list, then, are left the likes of Dougie Brown, Peter Bowler, Mark Wagh, Paul Johnson and Robin Martin-Jenkins, solid county pros certainly, but hardly prompting a tear in the eye at what might have been. At least latterly – Darren Pattinson aside – there has been method to selectors’ madness. Even if Cook and Bell have hung on for far too long.

Elsewhere in the cricketing world, life seems to be following art as plans are made for a New York tournament involving top (current and former) Pakistan players. This in the year after the publication of Joseph O’Neill’s (considerably over-hyped) novel Netherland, which tells the story of Trinidadian would-be Gatsby, Chuck Ramkissoon, whose dream is to set up New York’s first proper cricket stadium for an international tournament. Hopefully the entrepreneur Jay Mir’s plans will have happier results than Ramkissoon’s and I won’t provide the kiss of death for the second post running.

Spring Dreaming?

2009-03-23T03:58:00.000-07:00

By the time this article has been checked by the Cricket Tragics roster of editors and proofreaders, Monday’s decision on where this year’s IPL is to be held may already have been made. With India unable to guarantee suitable security, the choice looks to be between England and South Africa.

Maybe this is the early spring sunshine speaking, but this could be precisely what English cricket and Giles Clarke need after the Stanford scandal and the quiet death of the EPL.

The IPL is the world of the ‘what if’: it gives Warne and now Pietersen the chance to show the captaincy skills that have been passed over at national level; it lets us see whether a top order of Gilchrist, Afridi, Gibbs and Symonds could top 300 in 20 overs (last year, an emphatic no for the out-of-pocket Deccan Chargers); whether old pros like McGrath can still contain the finest young talents (an equally emphatic yes so far); and, most importantly, whom Harbajhan can antagonise other than the Australians.

With the ICC World 2020 also coming up in June, England has the chance to show that it is better at hosting international cricket events than it was 10 years ago. This could, in turn, open the way to British grounds regularly becoming neutral Test match venues, a hobby-horse of Clarke’s for some time and a move that is surely key to the future of Test cricket: not only is Pakistan likely to remain a no-go area for the foreseeable future, but Test crowds outside England are often non-existent. The large British Asian community, a prime reason behind the near guaranteed Test ticket demand, currently seems, according to South African sources, to be a key factor swaying the BCCI, alongside the possibility of road (rather than air) travel between games.

At the risk of sacrilege, it may appear the biggest problem is that England’s very possible Ashes capitulation in the face of the Mitchell Johnson show could seem like an anticlimax.

Far from it: as Andrew Miller argues, the conflict between Sky, broadcaster of the West Indies Test and one-day series, and Setanta, holder of IPL rights, might be deadly. The hijacking of the county 4-day season (which begins, like the IPL, in mid-April) will surely also cause some sort of kerfuffle, though the first round of May’s Friends’ Provident Trophy might perhaps migrate to reserve grounds without too much fuss. And surely the weather ought to be an issue, particularly when a South African summer is the other option?

Perhaps, then, this will all remain in the world of the ‘what if’ and be forgotten, in a few days, along with the spring sunshine. Now, though, I’m not so sure – and I’m beginning the week excited, but worried about the primacy of Test cricket.

The Referral System

2009-02-13T07:17:00.000-08:00

I would imagine that anyone who follows English Test cricket will want to forget the Sabina Park incident as quickly as is humanly possible. However, this match will live long in the memory – not due to the failure of England’s fragile batting line up, nor to the possible resurgence of the West Indies under Gayle’s quietly efficient captaincy – but due to the fact that this was the Test in which England met the referral system for the first time. In principle the referral system is a logical application of the available technology. I for one can still remember the devastation of watching wicket after wicket falling to no-balls against Pakistan in 2001, a situation that ultimately could have been simply avoided through the simple use of video replays. Indeed, in the West Indian innings Gayle, having been given out caught behind down the leg side, was able to immediately refer the decision and rightly continue his innings. Sarwan was given LBW for 5 and again the decision was reversed, allowing Sarwan to provide his vital innings. The referral system therefore should be seen as a great step forward for Test cricket – proof that the game is willing to march forward and evolve with time. Players, umpires and spectators can be certain that the best decision will be reached and games decided on the skill of the players involved not the vagaries of umpires.

The referral system is a logical step but this is sport and since when has everything in sport been logical? Just ask Owais Shah. Part of the attraction for me of cricket, and indeed sport in general, is the spectacle. The spectacle of cricket is not simply the majesty of a Trescothick straight drive but also the waft outside off stump with no foot movement. It is the moments of exquisite skill and the momentary loss of concentration. Umpires are no less part of this. The skill involved in making a decision and the courage to make a judgment call at a key stage of a Test are vital ingredients in this spectacle. I am (perhaps unsurprisingly) often a listener of TMS and the fall of a wicket often brings out the best in the commentators. They are caught in the moment and, to the listener, part of the spectacle. There are moments of Test cricket that I will never forget – Harmison’s slower ball to Michael Clarke at Edgbaston in 2005. This is not simply due to the significance of the moment or the skill involved but the commentary of Mark Nicholas. I was listening to TMS when the Smith, Sarwan, and Gayle referrals were made and the moment was destroyed by the system. Each decision took an age to process even though the commentary teams had a fair idea of what was going to happen within seconds.

I must admit to sneaking glances at the Six Nations on Saturday as England collapsed in Jamaica. Video technology has been in use for many years and can be said to be a success. Decisions are reached quickly and accurately without spoiling the flow of the game. The length of time needed to make the decisions during the first Test was certainly my principle concern with a full adoption of the system. I had come into the Test thinking that technology was a necessity for the modern game; however, I am not so certain now. Bad umpiring decisions, like dropped catches, are as much part of the game today as they have been in the past, and in reality how many games can be said to rest on a single decision? With falling Test crowds the spectacle of Test cricket is of vital importance for the initiation of future cricket tragics. If at the end of the summer of 2009 Ponting is trapped by Flintoff for England to regain the Ashes I want the moment to last. I don’t want technology spoiling it for me.

Starting XI against the West Indies

2009-01-30T04:34:00.001-08:00

Right, pretty boring one to start off, but I'm worried Tom may cry if it's just him that keeps on posting…

What would be your starting XI against the West Indies?

The opening partnership picks itself: they have both just scored runs against the Nevis Invitational XI and we haven't really got anyone better.

I'm going for Shah at three. He has waited long enough for his chance, and every time Bell plays it seems as if he is batting for his life. Always one innings before he is dropped he scores a good looking 70 odd and he’s saved for the next two tests. I also think Shah has a bit of grit about him, I think he is a guy that will play better the bigger the occasion. If he gets runs against West Indies A then they have no choice. Also Bell looks like a vole!

Colly: I would love to have a solid number 5 in our team, but as England don’t seem to have one, what can they do? Collingwood can add a bit of determination to the innings, he can keep his head and help England rebuild, if his technique does not let him down first. I would love to see someone else in there but he’ll do for now.

KP and Flintoff, enough said.

Prior: Best of a bad bunch (I use the word best loosely).

Broad: I think he has potential as a bowler and we need to develop him for all formats of the game. He could come on and I see no reason to replace him, plus he also just turned down the chance of not getting picked for the IPL unlike some other prats, Sajid Mahmood anyone. IPL picks.

Sidebottom: as we seem to have shut the door on Hoggard and he was England’s player of last year, if he is fit, I think he works as solid metronomic operator to tie up one end and if it swings then great news.

Monty: we have to give him another chance seeing as he took 7 wickets in the warm up game. If he again proves ineffective then we need to give either Swann or Rashid a prolonged run in the team as a succession plan for the next Ashes series.

Harmison: I know hoping for a repeat of last time is clutching at straws, but I’m English, I thought that is what we did. I know he is a homesick, serial breeding, lazy shit... but he's not James Anderson.

My Starting XI:

Strauss (C)
Cook
Shah
Pietersen
Collingwood
Flintoff
Prior (W)
Broad
Sidebottom
Panesar
Harmison

Some thoughts on Graeme Smith...

2009-01-07T05:47:00.000-08:00

I just read this piece on Cricinfo about Graeme Smith's recent heroics in Sydney, and I have to say I totally agree.

A few years ago, when Smith slaughtered England's bowlers to the tune of consecutive double centuries (ending Darren Gough's Test career in the process) I wasn't a big fan of the outspoken South African captain. He seemed to come from the chest out, gum-chewing, Matthew Hayden school of cricket, one not exactly known for its charm.

When his side came a cropper (yet again) to the barbed taunts of Shane Warne, I couldn't help but smile. And when Matthew Hoggard made Smith his rabbit on the tour to South Africa, I laughed for weeks. I have few better memories than that of Smith falling flat on his face to a Hoggard in-swinger, before picking himself up and trudging back to the pavilion having been given out LBW.

But over the years I've warmed to Smith, as I'm sure he'll be delighted to know... It started when he played for Somerset. Not for him the constant changing of counties, turning up for a match here and there, taking his cash and heading home. When Somerset won the Twenty20 Smith's delight was genuine. His affection for his team mates (and vice-versa) was warm and obvious.

Today, Smith is one of the best batsmen in the world, probably the best captain, and poised to lead his team to the top. He is admired by all who play or watch the game. Now that he is in charge of a good side, the side that he wants, he is able to relax and display a sense of humour. That can only be a good thing.

I have one fear however, and that is that over the next two years South Africa will fall prey to the same problems that beset England post-2005. The warning signs are there already: South Africa's squad is pretty thin, if there are any injuries to the current XI. Who comes in if Steyn is injured, or Kallis?

And then there's the injuries to Smith. When Vaughan bust his knee, English cricket went bust with it. Let us hope that Smith can recover quickly: in time to give the Aussies another pasting, and take the Number 1 spot in the ICC rankings that they deserve

What a time to start a cricket blog!

2009-01-07T05:43:00.000-08:00

Wow! 2009 has barely started and already English cricket is in turmoil. Throughout the '90s this kind of mess was reserved for the aftermath of (yet another) humiliating Ashes defeat. Not any more.

Nobody seems entirely sure what exactly is going on, but we can only agree with Bob Willis when he says the whole thing is "a right mess". First it looked like KP had forced out Peter Moores, now it looks like both of them are on their way out. You have to think that Pietersen – for all his admirable qualities – has been a bit of an idiot about this one. The sensible thing to do would have been to have a quiet word with the powers that be and express his dissatisfaction. By whining to the press and issuing an ultimatum, he has rather shot himself in the foot.

There’s no way that the ECB could accept Pietersen's demands to have Moores sacked. It would be a pretty dangerous precedent to set. What if Flintoff then decided he didn’t like Ian Bell, and issued a similar "it's him or me, pal" ultimatum? Just because Bell's spot was under pressure anyway would not excuse such an action. And similarly, just because Moores may have been likely to get the chop anyway does not excuse Pietersen's belligerence. If anything, that Moores has been under increasing pressure should have suggested that KP wait a bit: Moores would probably have gone in a few months anyway.

Well, it's all a bit of a disaster, and a sad end to what could have been an exciting period in English cricket. It ain't half entertaining though!

Cricket Tragics

HHCC vs Old Salopians

HHCC vs Bank of England

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

Kent vs Surrey, Canterbury

HHCC vs Gamecox

Longwick vs HHCC

Bourne End vs HHCC

Breaking News...

Cublington vs HHCC

A truly tragic week ahead...

Fire in Babylon

HHCC vs Full Tossers

The Chesham Bois scandal - some updates

Chesham Bois vs HHCC

No News is good news?

HHCC vs Ballinger

HHCC vs Phoenix

President's Weekend 2011 – addenda, errata, etc

President's Weekend 2011

HHCC vs Red Square

HHCC vs Ley Hill

50* - The Art of Captaincy

Nasser Hussain vs Shane Warne

Ravi Bopara's Childhood

Chesham vs HHCC

Great Missenden Pelicans vs HHCC

HHCC vs The Lee

HHCC vs Chartridge

Chinaman - The Legend of Pradeep Mathew

HHCC vs HHCC

Cricket Tragics – 2011 important pre-season information

HHCC vs Ivinghoe & Pitstone

Abbots Langley vs HHCC

HHCC vs Rising Stars

HHCC vs Bank of England

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

HHCC vs Gamecox

HHCC vs Longwick

Hyde Heath Invicta Tour, Kent 2010

HHCC vs Bourne End

HHCC vs Turville Park

HHCC vs London Dragons

HHCC vs Chesham Bois

Ballinger vs HHCC

HHCC vs Southwell Ramblers

Hyde Heath President's Weekend

The Misfits vs HHCC

HHCC vs The Misfits

May at the Heath

HHCC vs The Lee

HHCC vs Chartridge

HHCC vs HHCC

What the Mighty Heath could learn from Team England

HHCC vs Bank of England

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

HHCC vs Gamecocks

HHCC Marine Tour, Kent 2009

World Exclusive! The 26.5 yard pitch!

Bourne End vs HHCC

Finally on the field for the Ashes

Edgbaston - final preview

Breaking America?

Turville Park vs HHCC

Australia's Edgbaston selection

Pen portraits - Shahid Afridi

Lord's - some photos and a very little history

Cardiff review, Lord's preview

HHCC vs Chesham Bois

Cricket Tragics on Twitter

HHCC vs Ballinger

HHCC vs Southwell Ramblers

HHCC President's Weekend

HHCC vs The Misfits

In Defence of Twenty20

HHCC vs Full Tossers

HHCC vs Ley Hill

HHCC vs KC (not Nomadic Medics)

Reader Competition!

HHCC vs The Lee

HHCC vs Bank of England