HHCC vs Ivinghoe & Pitstone

Matt cuts loose

What with my absence from the last match of the HHCC 2010 season, the club's honourable President has taken it upon himself to spread his lies and Stalinist propaganda against your dedicated correspondent. Here it is in full below:

This week you have a bit of a treat. Rather than the ethanol-withdrawal induced reporting you know and love, this week there is a cold-blooded, factual, unbiased, sober (well almost) view of events on the “Heath”. No tales of vicious phantom leg-spin bowled at mere children – actually, we might have done better if there was. Just tales of my last game as Chairman, a chance for the team to achieve the highest number of wins in a season, a chance for five people to avoid the Duck Award, a chance of making enough runs to win the batting prize, enough wickets to take the bowling prize, a fielding performance to take the Fielding Cup, sandwiches to influence the awarding of the Captain's Cup, or even behaviour sycophantic enough to influence the President’s Cup (the Prix d’Or of Hyde Heath).

Right, so much for the scene-setting, what about the cricket? Charlie walked to the wickets, and promptly lost the toss in a timed game. Now my esteemed correspondent doesn’t like limited overs cricket and I can sympathise. However, once we lost the decision and were put in, the excellent pitch produced by Mike O’the Common became a handicap: make 200+ and you struggle to prize batsmen out, score too few and it’s a cakewalk. We achieved the former. However, the battle for Cups took over.

Henry and Dom walked out to impose themselves and, allegedly, both were in “the Zone”. Dom needed a small task of 250* to take the Batting Cup but thought he would take Henry out as his first task. “Come one” is always a frightening call, particularly when the ball is lodged in gulley’s hands. Apparently Shrimpy, in the pavilion, was out of his seat in no time to greet Henry back and stake his own claim for glory, thanking Dom on the way. Could he take control? Could Dom make the 250? Well, not really, but both batted really well. The score ticked along. Shrimpy decided to give one fielder (their captain, no less) catching practice and after four close calls was taken at mid-wicket by the same man, with an excellent catch in spite of very sore hands, for a good 34. Dom missed his target by 224 but was unlucky to pick out deep mid-wicket.

Enter Nick Burgham who just loves Iving and Pitstone’s bowlers. He really got stuck in with some violence and made 49 with an array of shots to make Ian Botham jealous. However, avoiding buying a jug seemed more important than ever and he perished on 49. Viney and Sims took over, both scoring freely. Viney had the unique experience of being called back by the bowler of all people, after being caught off a head-high full toss. Dom, umpiring at the bowlers end and fearing another challenge to the batting cup, (only 600 short) wouldn’t call “no ball” and Brad at square leg sympathised. Would Jeremy have been so generous with the Bowling Cup at stake? Reprieved, Viney pushed us up to 226 for 6, helped by an excellent 15* from Spencer

Bad news for Tom and Jeremy, however; an innings with no ducks (not one!). The Duck Prize (probably the ultimate end of season reward and usually achieved with 6 or 7 ducks by someone called Tim Nutman) might just be traveling in to London with Tom’s first and second ball ducks beating Jezza’s first and a few balls. It only needed one slip-up from any of three players, but…

Tea and cakes next with the stirring sight of the President, who has not been in the best of health recently, arriving chauffeur-driven to a standing ovation which even brought a dampness to the Chairman’s eye, to sample the fare. Great to see him back! Needless to say tea did not disappoint and the Heath took to the field with possibly (certainly) too many runs and far too much cake as well.

Hahaha - best drop ever!

Jeremy and Shrimpy were neck and neck in the race for the Bowling Cup with little to choose between them. Both bowled well although the opening bat seemed to be a bit impatient, hitting Jeremy particularly severely around the ground. Little did we know that he had to retire to return to college but not before he had been dropped in consecutive balls. The second of which ruined a run from Champagne Charlie, 'El Capitano', who had looked invincible under the high ball in the last few matches.

Unfortunately after the openers' exits, the other batsmen failed to shine; in fact they were truly pedestrian. In the past at Hyde Heath the odd shooter or ridiculous movement off the seam could still have won the game for us but Mike is far too good a groundsman and the pitch played true – too true! 123 for 7 but no chance of winning, particularly against I & P’s canny league players. There were several bright spots however: Sohail bowled beautifully with only 9 runs off his 7 overs, Shrimpy, 11 overs, 2 for 28 and Brad, bowling what one of my old cricketing friends would describe as declaration bowling. Can you tell me why half of Hyde Heath who bowl fairly well off five paces feel they are Swann’s half-brother? Stand up Brad, Austin and Barnsley (spot the odd one out). However Shrimpy has proved me wrong with excellent bowling all season. Maybe some bowlers might reverse the trend!

Right, on to my reason for taking this write-up on. Timed games are good fun and when we were weak and with winning out of the question, achieving a draw against far better players by batting second was a bit of fun. But the boot is on the other foot now. We would have walloped this side by either batting second or playing overs. We can’t rely on other sides’ naivety or Charlie winning the toss with his double-sided coin. Not convinced? Neither am I totally!

Still, what a real pleasure to see HHCC's great spirit in this rather negative game. Was it that they didn’t have to retrieve the ball from the woods time and time again as our previous correspondent “bought” a wicket? Was it that the season was ending? Was it that the match started an hour and a half earlier and therefore we were in the pub much earlier? I don’t know and, really, I don’t care. What I did notice was a really enjoyable time for me is coming to an end. Tom Hicks might have to buy his team to enjoy their performance but this Chairman has just sat and watched eleven players time after time who have played cricket on the Common and loved this great game we all share. What great value!

Abbots Langley vs HHCC

The penultimate match of the Hyde Heath 2010 season, and sadly the last for your humble correspondent – thanks, family. I'm aware that this blog is perhaps becoming more about my burgeoning drink problem rather than the cricket, so I'll try and stick to the point this time. What was the point again?

Oh yes, cricket. For the first time ever we paid a visit to Abbots Langley. Apparently we always play them at the Heath because they love our teas so much. Well, it's understandable, but theirs was truly excellent too. I wouldn't ever presume to advise our tea-making committee, but the onion bhajis and samosas did go down extremely well. Just a thought...

What was the point again? Right, yes, sorry. We won the toss and elected to field first in a 40-overs per side game, and I have to say I've never seen the Heath field as well as we did today. It really was exceptional – highlights included Nick's catch at backward square leg, Brad's at cover, and Charlie's (yes, Charlie's) at mid-off. But the outstanding performance was by Spencer, who with catches, chases round the boundary and brilliant diving stops must have saved a good 20 runs on his own. It was really pretty impressive. Even I only misfielded once, I think.

Jez and Shrimpie bowled well early doors to keep Abbots Langley pegged back, but they began to find their range when Nick and myself came on to bowl – their left-hander hit some massive sixes off both of us. But the drinks break brought a change in fortune as I picked up two wickets in the over. One – Brad's catch to remove the destructive leftie – was particularly impressive as Brad had only just arrived at the ground, having landed from America that morning.

Ordinarily at this stage we would have closed in for the kill, but because it was limited overs we held back a little. That's when the game becomes boring and I'm so glad we normally play time games where the emphasis in the field is always about wickets and not maidens. Nonetheless we did well to keep them to around 180 and were pretty confident about chasing down the target.

Unfortunately our innings never got going, and despite a classy 50 from Shrimpie, a sensible supporting role from Spence (whose batting is beginning to get there) and some late fireworks from Sohail, we fell well short.

Of interest coming into the final match are various awards, still very much up for grabs. The Bowling Cup is very tight between Jez on 30 and Brad with 28, although Shrimpie could stage a late bid if he takes 7-fer. More important though is the Duck Cup. Half the squad it seems have got two this season but, with a golden duck each, Jez and I are tied for first place on count back. The fact that my other duck was a second baller might see me in trouble if nobody bags a blob in the final match. Fingers crossed – I don't think I could stand the humiliation.

HHCC vs Rising Stars

Apologies for the tardiness in writing up last week's match – it's been a bit of a hectic week or so. Anyway, I'll try and remember what I can – my memory rarely stretches to anything more than a week ago, and for reasons that will become clear I wasn't quite at my sharpest that day.

According to the fixture list we were due to play away at Cublington, but all did not quite go to plan. On the way to the ground, Charlie got a call from Shrimpie – apparently another team were already encamped in the away dressing room. Oh dear, some kind of mix-up had clearly occurred. Apparently we never confirmed the fixture and Cublington had arranged for a team to fill in for us at the last minute. Oops.

Assuming cricket to have been cancelled for the day, we all adjourned to The Plough and prepared to settle in for the afternoon – to be honest this was a rather welcome turn of events, as the evening before has been rather, um, lengthy. Unfortunately – for me at least – Charlie manageed to contact Chesham's Rising Stars, who agreed to play a 30-over game. By this stage I'd had a good five pints I think, including one before even getting out of bed, but we won't get into that.

Anyway, to put it succinctly, Rising Stars gave us a bit of a pasting. My first ball – surpsingly, given that I could hardly see – was a fairly well-pitched leg-break. Excellent, I thought. The batsman deposited it into the trees over long on. Bugger. It didn't improve much as my 3 overs went for 50-odd and they racked up a pretty hefty total (I really can't remember what now).

We never really got going, and despite a characteristically pugnacious 40-odd from Nick, and a bit of a lower order recovery, we fell rather short. Oh well, at least the match won't count for the end of season averages. Thank the Lord.

Coincidentally, the match took place in the midst of the Pakistan spot-fixing crisis, and whilst I was umpiring in the middle, their left-arm quick started to bowl no-balls. I called him, and prepared myself for a diplomatic disaster. Fortunately everyone thought it was hilarious.

One other amusing note – that President John Capper was keen to point out several times – was that the match took place during Ramadan. Imagine the result if the oppo has actually eaten anything that day. It doesn't really bear thinking about.

HHCC vs Bank of England

Oh dear. A 24-hour binge beginning at Lord's at 11am on Saturday, continuing with dinner with one's alcoholic uncle, thence to a Bethnal Green house party and back home for breakfast lagers, is perhaps not the ideal preparation for a cricket match. Two quick pints at the Plough seemed to perk me up somewhat, but not for long.

I snooze; Nick mows

The opposition were Bank of England, and with the absence of Dom (on holiday I think) and Henry (being unspeakably lame) I was asked to open the batting. Fortunately some heavy rain meant the game was reduced to 30 overs per side, and I got time for a quick pre-match snooze. It didn't help. I was dropped twice on my way to a painful 6, before being stumped having a mow.

I'm out; there's a fly-by to celebrate

Unsure quite how to bat (not quite normally, not quite all-out 20/20 hitting) Hyde Heath rather collapsed and it was thanks to Jez with 30-odd, Atif and Spence that we got up to a roughly par 134 for 9.

Jez opened up with an extremely tight opening spell of 6 overs for 15, but it was only from the boundary that he managed to hit the wickets – sending in a throw of pin-point accuracy to run out one of their openers. In fact by the time I came on to bowl, we'd only taken two wickets, both to run outs, but that was all to change.

Jez cuts loose

I'd like to say I bowled amazingly, but it would be a lie – the usual array of full-tosses and long hops were all in evidence, but fortunately the batsmen weren't good enough to capitalise, and they also weren't good enough to keep out the decent deliveries, of which there were also some. Anyway, I finished with 4 for 20 off 6, and with Nick and Shrimpie also keeping things tight we closed the game out to win by about 20 runs.

All of which meant we could amble back to the pub. Thank god for that.

Ivinghoe & Pitstone vs HHCC

A clinical performance from Hyde Heath away against Ivinghoe & Pitstone made 2010 a record-breaking year for the club. We've now won 14 out of 18 completed matches to record, apparently, our best victory tally of all time. And with another four matches still to go, 2010 could well come to be hailed as Hyde Heath's annus mirabilis.

Winning the toss, Charlie elected to bowl first despite this being a 40-overs per innings game and the team being rather light on bowling. After Ivinghoe & Pitstone got off to a flier in the first three overs, it looked like we might be in for a long afternoon of leather chasing. But Jez and Shrimpie – taking the new ball with his off-spinners – clawed things back, and as wickets fell, a talented but fatally gung-ho batting line-up failed to adjust their tactics and ended up in a mess. Jez plugged away to pick up two wickets, but it was Shrimpie who did the bulk of the damage with six for 26.

He varied his pace well and the young batsmen didn't seem to have the patience to play him at all as they all succumbed to recklessness. That's not to take away from an excellent bowling effort, but the fact that the oppo were bowled out for 81 on a pitch that did nothing but keep occasionally low suggests poor thinking on their part.

One highlight was Dom bowling his first spell for the Heath in some years, and picking up two wickets. That one of them was caught (excellently, running backwards) by his brother Oli was particularly entertaining. Caught Haddock, bowled Haddock – what a way to go.

With such a small target the result was never really in doubt, although we did contrive to lose three wickets en route, including Shrimpie controversially given out caught behind by Charlie. Anyway, Oli Haddock came in to finish things off in style and a thorough pasting was completed. Splendid.

HHCC vs Gamecox

An absolutely brilliant game of cricket down at the Heath on Sunday, witnessed in part by none of other than England captain Andrew Strauss, again. I have to say I think I bowled rather well, and by all accounts the second spinner's berth is wide open for the forthcoming Ashes tour to Australia – coincidence? You do the math...

Anyway, to the cricket, and it genuinely was one of the best games I've played for the Heath in, ooh, probably about a decade now. Reassuringly returning as captain, Charlie won the toss and we elected to field. Gamecox made a quick start, after a speculative and expensive solitary over from Ben Sonley, but were then pegged back by the accuracy of Jez and Brad, who also picked up two wickets.

From there, Charlie turned to the spinners – myself and Richard Austin, and we proceeded to wheel away for pretty much the rest of the Gamecox innings. After a poor start, Henry suggested that my right arm was getting too low, and thereafter I found a decent rhythm and a level of accuracy that had been markedly missing for the past few games. I got a couple of deliveries to really zip and turn, and picked up two wickets off a nice, long 11 over spell – of course these were off the rankest balls I bowled, but then such is the way with leg-spin (it could have been four were it not for two dropped chances at mid-off...).

At the other end Richard bowled tidily and also found some turn to pick up two wickets himself, and at the tea break, Gamecox were 183 for 6 – a gettable target, although it would have been nice to take more wickets. We were thwarted here by a gentleman of no less than 71, who made a composed 40-odd.

Capper and Haddock started the Heath response in solid style, putting on yet another half-century opening stand. But when both fell in consecutive balls from the oppo's unlikely-looking medium pacer, and then Matt and Napes followed soon after, we looked in some trouble.

Fortunately Richard and Ben strode to the rescue with a partnership of sensible accumulation. Even though Ben took some time to get going, Richard was aggressive against the Gamecox spinners, and runs began to flow. During their partnership there was a nice moment of controversy as I wided their off-spinner (the captain's son). Both were none too impressed (although the ball was pretty rank) – my guess is that Capper's shout from the boundary of “great decision, Tom!” probably didn't help too much... Just as Ben looked set however, there was a bit of a mix-up and he was run out in slightly ignominious fashion.

But Richard kept on going to reach his half-century off just 35 balls, and some big shots from Brad and Spence brought the target down to an eminently gettable 4 an over from the past four. But when Richard 'the finisher' Austin departed, the dots agonisingly mounted. When the opening bowler returned, things were still in the balance. Until Brad smote him over the trees for a colossal six. Surely the game was in the bag?

Well, no. Brad was bowled with 2 needed and it came down to the final over. Fortunately, Jez ran a single off the first ball, and on the third, Spence chipped one just, just over the heads of the infield and the batsmen scampered through for the winning run. Victory! With two balls and three wickets to spare – a brilliant match. And perhaps, in the end, that wide proved crucial. Guffaw.

HHCC vs Longwick

Probably the biggest shambles you could imagine preceded Sunday's game against Longwick.

First we had 12 players, as Richard Austin and a friend of Brad's were due to play in addition to the list of ten names sent to me by Charlie. This then dropped to 10, as Brad's mate was told he was superfluous to requirements and then Amala failed to arrive on the train (and failed to notify Caroline Capper who was waiting at the station to collect him). Thankfully Hyde Heath Chairman Mr J Capper stepped up when the club needed him most, and we managed to field a full eleven.

But this was just the tip of the iceberg. With half of the side well on their way to Longwick (and some already there) the Longwick skipper showed up at Fortress Heath with the rest of his team following shortly behind. I explained that we were playing at Longwick. He explained that we were playing at Hyde Heath. Neither side had a pitch prepared or (more importantly) teas to eat. A right bloody shambles.

Thankfully at a moment's notice our brilliant groundsman Mikey zoomed across the outfield and proceeded to cut and roll last week's wicket. In a frenzy of action we painted the boundary line, put out the flags and benches, set up the clock, and put in the stumps. Cricket, despite everything, would happen. We made sure of it.

In all this confusion I went out to toss – I was skipper by the way – and, despite my earlier tirade against limited overs cricket, conceded to Longwick's captain who wanted a 40 overs match. Anyway I won the toss and, just like Charlie, elected to field – mainly because I had no idea how the pitch would play. It turned out, as Mikey's pitches always do, to be perfect, if with a little more spin than usual.

Jez and Brad opened up and kept things tight, before Nicko replaced Brad at the Plough End. Continuing his good bowling form from tour, he bowled a full length and attacking line and was rewarded with three wickets from his allocated 8 overs (although it probably should be noted that two came from rank long hops, but hey ho). Shrimpie also wheeled away with accuracy, loop and a good bit of turn. He was more expensive than he should have been – party due to some bad fielding and partly due to some pretty bad field placement on my part.

Anyway, he took three wickets, including two in two balls, I bowled their left-hander through the gate with a sharply spun leg-break and we were well on top. From there I rather let things drift and from being about 80 for 6, Longwick eventually scrabbled up to 171 all out., partly aided by about 25 extras. A lot of credit though to Jez for the outstanding figures of 1 for 7 off 7 overs.

After tea – generously put together by the kind folks at the Plough – it was our turn to bat. I have to say I was a little nervous after we'd collapsed the week before chasing a similar target. But a century opening stand between Capper and Haddock effectively sealed the deal. Dom was dropped four times on his way to 60 but in between times played some great shots off the back foot. Several pull shots were particularly withering, and it was amusing that Longwick continued to feed the stroke.

Capper started sedately and was content to push the singles while Dom hit the boundaries at the other end. When he was out though, Henry started to find his timing, and although things got a little tense towards the end as we got a bit bogged down with the total in sight, he drilled two consecutive boundaries to swing the match decisively our way. All in all his unbeaten 83 was a measured and mature innings, that showed exactly how a run chase ought to be paced.

After the embarrassing lead-up it was a well-earned victory and, with everyone chipping in just to even get a match, it once more demonstrated the great spirit that lies at the heart of the Heath.