HHCC vs The Full Tossers

Another wicket for Shrimpie

A great week for sporting patriots (an Ashes thrashing, some rugby, that tennis fellow, some other stuff) reached what was universally acclaimed as its apotheosis on the hallowed turf of Hyde Heath last week, with a long-awaited maiden half century from your humble correspondent. Long-awaited, it must be said, in more ways than one: for not only is this something like my 14th season at the club, but it was also one of the most painfully tedious innings that Fortress Heath has had the misfortune to witness in some time.

Batting first after losing the toss, we lost Matty fairly early, before I (batting at three due to several absentees) and Shrimpie put on a hundred or thereabouts for the second wicket, of which I contributed about 12, or maybe 15, certainly no more than 20. Shrimpie was at his best, timing every shot perfectly and manipulating the ball into gaps with ease. I was leaving elegantly as ever, and playing and missing with real flair. The crowd surely sensed something special...

Once Shrimpie was out for 60-odd, played on (I think), Heath newcomer Mike (a friend of Shrimpie's form Lacey Green) proceeded to demonstrate what an asset he could be for the club with some powerful hitting and judicious defence on his way to an impressive debut fifty. Meanwhile, I pootled along, increasingly hot and exhausted, but really nailing the odd forward defensive. Strangely, I also hit my first six ever (a rank full toss obvs) and then somehow I had 50, before being caught (rather brilliantly in fact at long-on) attempting to hit another. Oh well.

I actually caught one

Of more note, perhaps, than my non-existent strokeplay was the occasionally fractious dialogue with the opposition, The Full Tossers. At the half-way stage of our innings they had only bowled 18 overs, and the more quickly Shrimpie scored, the slower the over-rate seemed to become. Whether or not this was a deliberate policy, there certainly did seem to be a lot of field changes (possibly to counter my vast array of strokes) and things did get more than a little frustrating - to the extent that words were exchanged and threats made. But we all kissed and made up shortly afterwards, as it should be with village cricket. By the time of tea, they'd bowled a perfectly respectable 40 overs, so all was well.

After some smashing cucumber sandwiches (thanks me!) it was back out in the blazing sun. Ali bowled his usual immaculate line and length and Shrimpie varied his pace and found some turn, and soon their top order were in tatters. Shrimpie took five wickets (of which I managed to catch one at midwicket) and by drinks, with no other bowlers used, the draw was the only option for the Full Tossers. From that point, it was a case of trying to winkle out the remaining wickets, with short spells for myself, Liam, Tim Nutman (making a welcome return to the club) and others. Despite a rare run out by me (bullet arm? Err, rubber bullets at best), we were unable to take that final wicket, as their captain bravely came out (in jeans, after having earlier retired hurt) and blocked out the final over. A four-jug draw, therefore, and very easily they went down too.

Chesham vs HHCC

Some are born great; some achieve greatness; and some have greatness thrust upon them. Sitting quietly outside the Plough at approximately 1.15pm this Sunday past, I, your ever-so humble (and, of late, with good reason) correspondent, had greatness unceremoniously thrust upon me. And when I say greatness, I do not use that term lightly – no; for what post could be greater, what role more noble and esteemed, than the hallowed captaincy of the mighty, all-conquering Hyde Heath Cricket Club?

Yes, with Charlie away, the gilded baton passed to Henry Capper, who, selflessly and in the interests of this fine and illustrious club, decided that he’d be better off nursing his still-broken finger down at fine leg and would therefore not be in an ideal position from which to marshal the troops. What selflessness! What gallantry! And so I, ever-modest, ever-humble, assumed the crown of leadership.

The toss was lost – no surprise then, as the now subordinated Capper had taken it upon himself to call the toss. Well, what cheek! Anyway, no matter – we were in the field first, as ever, and under my confident, direct, near-imperious leadership (softened of course by the understanding smile, the comforting arm round the shoulder...) things got off to a flier.

Ali found a perfect length immediately to gain some bounce and a little movement either way of a very green pitch, while Jez did extremely well to bowl with any degree of control into a ludicrously strong wind. Soon the opposition were four down with less than twenty on the board, as their talented but inexperienced top order never got going. We never quite pressed home the advantage that we might have done – and, besides, village cricket isn't really about burying the opposition into the ground – but still dismissed Chesham for 118, and that despite a frustrating last-wicket partnership of 40-odd.

I took my first wicket of the season (finally! So what if he was ten?) which was nice, but the highlight of the innings was two excellent reflex catches by senior pro Tim Barnsley at 1st slip. The first was a cracker, taken sharply to his left as the batsman tried to cut Richard Austin's bouncing off-breaks; and the second an excellent juggled, diving effort off Ali.

And then it came to the chase. And although we didn't exactly cruise home with authority, it was never really in doubt, with us batting all the way to 11. Henry anchored the top order with 30-odd, and, in something that is becoming a rather reliable double act, Brad and Spence put on 40 or so (including a monstrous 6 from Brad) to see us home with five wickets in hand. Victory was mine! I mean, ours...

Cricket Tragics – 2011 important pre-season information

With the now traditional HHCC season curtain-raiser to take place this Friday (not for nothing is it known as Good Friday) it seems like a good opportunity to keep our many readers up to date with our plans for the season. There's many exciting changes afoot and we thought we should keep you abreast of these things, so the more elderly amongst you don't get to flustered. Change? Yes, we know.

Pre-season training
Net sessions have occurred, and rather unfortunately I bowled extremely well in the last one. Which almost certainly means that I'll be getting my hopes up for a killer season ahead, only to have them dashed against a wall. A wall made of drink, lack of talent, strops, dropped catches, and hard-hitting opposition batsmen. A wall known simply as Cricket.

Goals
My goals at the start of the 2009 season (I can't find last year's) were: “to really cement my place as Hyde Heath’s leading leg-spinning all-rounder under 25. So in concrete terms: at least one half-century, a five-wicket haul, and less than three dropped catches. Moderate, but attainable.”

Last year I did score a half-century (two in fact) but neither in matches that actually counted. So this year the aim is to score two that actually matter for the end of season averages.

This year, I'm aiming for two five-wicket hauls, and again, less than three dropped catches. So overall 9and bearing in mind I've aged two years in the last two years) the aim is to really cement my place as Hyde Heath’s leading leg-spinning all-rounder aged 27.

New features
After some extensive reader research surveys and outsourced market analysis, it's become clear that Cricket Tragics has a very niche target audience (of about 15). We've decided to attempt to broaden our readership base – without, of course, neglecting our core reader(s) – through a series of exciting new features. Basically, this consists of writing about cricket-related things outside of Hyde Heath. Yes, it's radical – like when Yorkshire first picked an overseas player – but we feel that now is the time to take the plunge.

The other reason is that we're hoping to start being sent free stuff. Cricket bats, books, match tickets, press trips to India, one-on-one coaching sessions with Shane Warne: if there are any PRs reading this, then Cricket Tragics are very much open to new ideas.

We'll be kicking things off soon with a review of Chinaman: The Legend of Pradeep Mathew by Shehan Karunatilaka. A copy was sent to us by the kind folks at Jonathan Cape and it really is brilliant. So keep your eyes open!

HHCC vs Southwell Ramblers

A scorching day of unrelenting sun was matched only by splendid game of cricket in which Hyde Heath came out on top, eventually. The match started early so that an extended tea break could coincide with some other “sport”, and in the heat, we won the toss and opted to bat.

All of our top order looked comfortable but contrived to get themselves out in a variety of ways. Only Nicko capitalised on his start, making 40 before being bowled cramped for room on the cut – he really must stop playing that shot. But he looked very classy nonetheless. One cover drive was particularly memorable – not only was it classical, but it was hit so fiercely hard that the ball seemed almost to scorch the earth on its way to the boundary.

But with our strongest top order so far this season largely failing, it was left to Ben and Brad to drag us up to a competitive total with an enterprising half-century stand. We finished on 194 for 9 – about 50 short, we thought, but it actually turned out to be something of a blessing.

After a couple of early wickets, Southwell started to put together some partnerships, and with 140 needed from the last 20 overs it was anybody's game – especially as I (bowling from the Plough End for the first time in years) started expensively. But when things were looking like they might slip away, I lobbed one up on leg stump which the batsman crashed straight down Jez's throat at deep backward square. The ball seriously flew and it was a very good catch, but even better was to come.

They say catches win matches, and Hyde Heath took three absolute screamers to swing this one decisively our way. Shrimpy got everyone going with a brilliant one-handed leap at cover – his fielding there all day was outstanding. Then, as Southwell continued to go for their shots (encouraged both by my erraticism and our sub-par total) Jez took the catch of the season so far. Another ball from me lobbed up on leg stump and smashed flat and hard towards square leg. A flat six? No! Jez hurtled round to his right and leapt high, to pluck it one-handed out of the air. An absolute bloody blinder.

I then removed one of their dangermen (he'd just smote me for a massive six) with a flat, ripping leg break which knocked back his off-stump, allowing the Heath to close in for the kill. With two overs left, Amala zipped one in, it took the edge of the bat and flew fast and low to Dom, diving forward at 2nd slip – another brilliant catch to seal a hard-fought and highly entertaining match.