No News is good news?

Fear thee not! We haven't gone the way of the News of the World. Yet. Rest assured, not one but two independent inquiries are being set up to investigate the lethargy of Cricket Tragics in recent weeks. Some say it's something to do with a leaked pot of tea; others cite a series of controversial LBW decisions, influenced by local politicians. We're not so sure.

But be certain, the truth will out. Rumour has it the corruption reaches right to the top...

HHCC vs Ballinger

An ex-Chairman writes...

Ballinger is always a challenge and engenders a fair degree of rivalry. The Heath have been on the winning side for the last few years but Ballinger have more resources to call on and had a strong team. Hyde Heath didn’t have the strongest fielding side either with a positive rush to field at slip for the first over, bowled by us fielding first again. Despite some good bowling their opener, Humphreys, made 81 perhaps with a bit of luck here and there, while the rest of the side made enough runs to reach a total 205 for 8 - increased by a crucial 10 off the last over before tea which seemed to be infringing on overtime!! Perhaps we need a bigger clock! The score was inflated by the fastest outfield we’ve had for some years so it was “gettable”.

An excellent tea as ever from Mrs Cousins and Mrs Barnsley received with thanks by 22 players and 2 dogs.

Our innings started brightly on a tricky pitch with Henry and Dominic putting on 50 before Dominic gave some catching practice. Henry and James looked very composed, with Henry hitting some glorious straight drives. James was a trifle unlucky to be out LBW but Henry kept on going, reaching 81.

Cue a collapse against some fairly ordinary leg-spin bowling. Does it remind you of anything? In spite of suggestions of Warne-like turn (there wasn’t) the next 6 wickets fell for 20 runs, mostly by batsman who should be making appointments at Spec-Savers. From looking like winning, we looked like losing again, until Jeremy and Alastair came together with 9 wickets down. They batted beautifully together and scored 39 runs between them and almost sneaked a win, being exactly 10 runs short! Honour saved. Hyde Heath always enjoy the “third” result and, by 9.00 in the Plough, it was heralded as a definite “Winning Draw”.

One little plea from me about umpiring and it’s not about LBW decisions. I do think it’s very difficult to ask youngsters to officiate and it might be better if they don’t get subjected to pressure from their own or the opposition players, but the decision causing the most irritation is regarding wide balls. It seems youngsters and some older players call a wide for a ball that could be hit “by a normal cricket shot”, presumably because they only watch 20/20 cricket. Bowlers have a rough time as it is and wides irritate! Even worse, it makes retaliation inevitable, “They gave them, therefore I will”. Obviously, be honest in all your decisions but 2 inches outside leg isn’t a wide, even Charlie Samuels can hit those, depending on the definition of “normal”.

Editor's note: Here, here! If people start widing anything down the leg side, my overs will never end!

HHCC vs Phoenix

Note carefully the craft of the spinner: the ball dips from above the eye-line, luring the batsman into an aggressive stroke...

Oh no... wait, it's 6. Again.

An ex-Chairman writes...

Phoenix cricket club was a fixture from the exchange and not a regular foe. They were very pleasant on and off the field but slightly too good for us on this occasion.

Hyde Heath took the field on a very warm and humid afternoon. Despite having most of the top bowlers playing, Phoenix made us struggle in the field. Jeremy had four maidens in a row after a wayward first few overs, but the pressure lifted with some loose deliveries once the opening pair of Jeremy and Alastair came off. It wasn’t a great day to be fielding and their opener and captain made a century off tiring bowlers. One inspiring moment came when Tom Jeffreys produced a snorter to pin his man, LBW; not a typical wicket for our answer to Ian Salisbury. Let’s hope this is the start of a resurgence of form as one must question where the snarl and grunt of previous seasons has gone?

Phoenix took a very pleasant tea, thank you Mrs Shrimpton and Miss Morgan, with 196 runs for 8 wickets, a score made better by a very slow outfield.

Hyde Heath have an uncanny knack when batting of looking at one minute, unbeatable and, at the next, like rabbits. This was a disaster of a performance. After Dominic was stumped while closer to the bowler than his own crease, Henry and James played some sublime cricket. Both have looked in very good form this season and were taking the score along with ease. Henry, then, missed a straight one and James tried out the catching of the deep field.

Normally, the Heath would have batted with some care and either crept over the winning line or held on for a draw. Unfortunately, there was 20/20 batting at one stage. Andrew seemed to have a hot date waiting and Nick was in a bit of a rush too. Spencer, however, made a patient 10 off 31 balls – the 10 being hit off two balls in the middle! Bradley seemed to be playing French cricket with his second ball chipped back to the bowler after Liam, again, was chasing that hot date.

Normally, “9,10, Jack” in the Hyde Heath team bat with more technique than anyone. However, Tom did have a hot date, although with the good manners to wait around for 18 balls, leaving Jeremy and Alastair to hold out for the draw. This they did for 28 balls until Andrew, umpiring this time, remembered his assignation and we had LOST, for the first time this season!

Phoenix played well and deserved their victory, but it was a bit frustrating as Hyde Heath had looked to be cruising in the early part of the innings and looked well set to save it at the end.

President's Weekend 2011 – addenda, errata, etc

Charly fields, Mikey bowls

It's been pointed out that various things were missing from the Tragics report of this year's President's Weekend. Given that we almost always seem to miss out the most important aspects of any match, we're unsure why this seems to have come as any sort of surprise. But anyway, in a concession to our many devoted readers across the world, here are some additional observations:

1. Mike Thompson. HHCC's erstwhile groundsman took to the field of play for the Plough on Sunday, and surprised all and sundry with his cricketing prowess. Who knew? Not only did he take three wickets with his well-flighted deliveries, but proved a thorn in the side of the Heath when batting too. Scoring heavily in the V (although not the usual V, it must be said) his obduracy was only ended by a lethal delivery from a certain leg-spinner on the way to his hat-trick.

2. Charly Capper. The first girl to take the field at the hallowed Heath? Quite possibly. Not content with a stint of dynamic fielding that put many of the menfolk to shame, Charly also batted with panache against the canny talents of Hyde Heath's leading leg-spinner.

3. Tom Jeffreys. Took a hat-trick. Did we mention that? Gosh, he bowled well...

President's Weekend 2011

Shrimpy defends, shortly before I ran him out...

President's Weekend: the glittering jewel in the burnished golden crown that is the Hyde Heath fixture list. The three-day feast of sporting prowess and booze kicks off with the annual beer festival, which by all accounts was another triumph this year – alas I was reviewing some dreadful hotel restaurant at the time – before the serious action commences on the Saturday.

The President's game consists of Hyde Heath's mightiest pitched against an assembled unit of hired mercenaries and rag-tag cricketing talent – in short, the best of the opposition from throughout the year hand-picked by HHCC's all-knowing President. This year saw us up against a particularly strong side, but as so often with the Heath, we somehow found a path to victory. Playing 30 overs a side, Henry and Dom put on a rapid-fire opening partnership, dominated by Capper at his aggressive best. At one point he'd raced to 16 before Dom had even faced a ball. In uncharacteristic fashion Dom played the supporting role, before being dismissed for 35. This precipitate something of a drop in run rate as James Shrimpton, our usual number 3, was absent, and his strokeplay was rather missed. With the runs drying up, and the overs running out, our middle order threw caution to the wind (and their wickets away) in a rather desperate attempt for quick runs. Fortunately Capper's classy 85 secured a total of around 150, a defendable but also a gettable total.

Fortunately some accurate bowling from Jez and some tight fielding prevented the oppo's top order form ever really getting going. And although once Jez had been bowled out the run-rate started to rise (my solitary over went for more than Jez's entire spell) wickets also tumbled, with Larry's mate Will mopping up the lower order. Ali and Airdy were left to achieve the impossible and despite a few lusty blows it never quite materialised and Hyde Heath won fairly comfortably in the end.

Afterwards, rather bizarrely, we all swiftly departed for home in order to change into black tie and return to the pavilion marquee for a right old shindig in celebration of Hyde Heath's 40th or 45th anniversary. Nobody seemed quite sure which. What was clear is that everybody was feeling more than a little ropey for Sunday's now traditional HHCC vs Plough 20/20 grudge match.

I face up bravely to some vicious opening bowling.

For some reason, I was elected pinch-hitter and opened the batting with Shrimpy. We actually got off to a flier until I ran him out (for scoring too quickly I think). Shrimpy had his revenge though as Nick (no doubt operating under instructions) ran me out shortly afterwards. Oh well. Thanks to some lusty hitting throughout we managed a pretty impressive total (of I've totally forgotten what).

The Plough's chase never really seemed to get going. And yet thanks to a rapid half-century from Capper they actually only needed 10 to win off the final two balls. Fortunately for the glory of the club it was not to be and HHCC remain unbeaten this season. The highlight of the weekend for me? An astonishing reaction catch by Nick at very silly mid-on off my bowling. Not only was it one of the best catches I've ever seen – the ball was hit seriously hard and he was fielding pretty darned close – but it was also the third wicket in a hat-trick for yours truly on the way to a long awaited five wicket haul. Just thought I'd throw that little snippet in there - shame it's in a match that doesn't count for the averages. Balls.

HHCC vs Red Square

An ex-C hairman writes (again)...

NB: The management of Cricket Tragics in no way endorses the denigration of our Editor in Chief's bowling/writing ability (that's his job) nor do we condone the excessive use of exclamation marks in the following report.

This was going to be the first Sunday of the season playing without our leg-spinning all-rounder and usual correspondent Tom. It would be mighty tricky indeed for the mighty Heath to remain unbeaten without their talisman. There was a few suggestions where he could be, ranging from the Hay Literary Festival to “twelfth man” at Lord’s vs. Sri Lanka (probably helping out with Kevin Petersen’s lack of confidence against spinners – a few overs batting against his bowling does seem to cheer people up). The truth, apparently, was a trip to Venice, in the cricket season!!, and possibly for romantic reasons!!! Where is his commitment?

In reality, the mighty Heath appeared remarkably strong in the absence of “our man”. Ali was back to bowl, Bradders returned after missing last week for a family party, Austin had sorted out his child care (by buying a kitten – novel!), Nick from half term and “Senior Pro” Barnsley on day-release.

The Opposition were an unknown quantity, always a worry in case they had 4 nasty fast bowlers. Mishearing the name of the team I thought they were from a pub and, therefore a team of heavy drinkers however a very pleasant and amusing group, complete with strong female support, turned up, based, I believe round a journalistic background. Perhaps a good thing our correspondent stayed at home!

Charlie, back in charge, won the toss and inserted the visitors. Ali bowled very well and accurately, with little luck, while Brad, at the other end was a bit wayward but quick, nonetheless. Jeremy who, unusually, arrived at the ground almost in time for the start, took over and bowled with his usual reliability. 2 wickets for Jeremy and 3 for Ali was a fair return for both of them. After this the batting looked a bit thin and the spinners lined up to finish things off. Shrimpy taking 2 for 9 and Austin grabbing the last 2 wickets at the end of a tidy spell, aided by yet another good catch from Tim Barnsley. 113 all out, in 32 overs was not a high enough score on this pitch which was a belter thanks to Mike Thompson, the grounds-man. Possibly, a few overs from our man in the Gritti Palace Hotel on the Grand Canal might have produced more of a target but there you go!

During the tea interval, courtesy of Mrs Shrimpton and Mrs Haddock (2 choices of melon, chicken tikka wraps, salmon rolls, hot sausages, cheese and pickle sandwiches, 4 different cakes and no tuna in site – heaven and I’m sure I’ve missed something out) who was going to open was a strong topic of debate. Capper and Haddock were the lucky pair and gave a chanceless performance, unbeaten on 114, with Henry on 61 and Dom on 43. An excellent 10 wicket win against a team who were charm personified despite under- achieving on the field.

It’s always difficult when, like Nick Burgham Tim Barnsley and Spencer North, you’ve not bowled or batted and still are expected to pay the match fee. Tim’s catch was a high-light and so, apparently, was Spencer’s. He had to tell me about it in great detail as I was searching for saw-dust at the time. Yes, it drizzled all afternoon but don’t tell Tom.

HHCC vs Ley Hill

Matt Sims brings the carnage.

It's now over two weeks since Hyde Heath drew their first match of the season, at home against Ley Hill, and with the passing of time has come, inevitably, the fading of memory. Fortunately, Chris' excellent photos on the Hyde Heath website have done a little to prompt my hazy recollections of the match. I think the one of Matt's satisfied admiration of his own scorching cover drive is probably my new favourite cricket image. “Dare thee challenge me, bowler?” it says. “I laugh in the face of your bowling, and dispatch it to the boundary with ferocious elegance, thusly.”

Matt's blistering strokeplay came after a very slow start (I think he took 16 balls to get off the mark), and after our openers had failed, he helped to put on an increasingly confident partnership with Shrimpy, who's in belting form at the moment. While these two were at the crease, the target – about 180 – looked eminently achievable. But as so often, the fall of one wicket led to a clatter, and I ended up having to block out the last couple of overs to secure the draw, some 30-odd runs short.

Earlier, I'd been relegated to third-choice spinner (hardly surprising given recent form) as our severely depleted bowling attack toiled hard against an unthreatening but combative Ley Hill line-up. Jez bowled an extremely long and tidy spell, but only managed the solitary wicket, Shrimpy and Rich both bowled well, but I was again expensive (although I did manage a wicket and, would you believe it, a run-out) and the oppo's total was 30 or so above what it might have been. With more seamers at our disposal (no Brad or Ali today) or a less profligate leg-spinner, perhaps it could have been 5 wins out of 5.